17 December 2007

Why I smile so much

During my entire life as a kid, I never even in my wildest dream thought that I would ever get to see any place outside of Mizoram. There were rich kids in school who had been to Silchar, Calcutta, and some even to Bombay and Pune! And kids with 'rich' relatives who'd bring them gifts from Madras, Guwahati, and Kathmandu - fancy pencil boxes, tiffin boxes, pretty pencils, and erasers. I thought them the luckiest people on earth.

I read a lot, books were a way of living a life I never thought I would get to live. Because traveling and owning fancy things was for kids with wealthy parents. So all I ever did in school was look on with envy. And read, and wrote, and dreamt. And slept with National Geographic magazines with their tauntingly beautiful pictures of the world.

I remember the day I first saw the Taj Mahal...how I was thinking back on those school days, and how happy I was for the fact that I'd finally been to some places outside of Mizoram and even get to see something like the Taj Mahal.

When I passed out of college with a Bachelor's degree, my only dream was to get my Masters. Zoology was one of the very few things I was really good at, and it was all I wanted to do. Then my mom said no. With 3 other siblings in college, it simply wasn't possible, there just wasn't money for it. I cried and she told me God will have other things for me to make up for the education we couldn't afford. But I hated her and I hated God, and I cried for months.

I don't know how things turned out this way. I know prayers are answered, but I never asked for all these. It's been a dream, living has been a dream -

I have eaten food that I've only read about and seen in books and on TV....
Drank exquisite wine and champagne that I thought only the rich drank...
I have seen and touched animals that I thought lived only on 'Animal Planet' in my world...
Now I know what kangaroo meat and crocodile meat tastes like :D
I know how it feels to dive into the ocean and jump out of a plane and freefall thousands of feet up in the sky...
I have met people I read about in books and saw on TV....
I have done things I have only secretly dreamt about, and things I didn't even know about to dream about them...
I found out America isn't really sprinkled with gold dust and that people in fact do take off their shoes before climbing into bed :-)
I also found out neither America nor Australia is filled with 'racists who don't treat us third world citizens as human beings' like I've often been told. They're full of kind, wonderful people...
I have lived in a luxury apartment in the tallest residential building in the city, swam in the highest indoor pool in the southern hemisphere...

All these superlatives and me, I joke about it to my old friends and family and it makes us laugh. But when I sit and think about it, the wonder of it all astounds me. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if everything's real - right down to the bed I'm sleeping on. I mean really wonder, not just as a figure of speech. It may not be a lot for many people, but for someone who never had anything, everything I do, eat, buy, every new place that I see, they're all a miracle to me. And more so to my family.

When I saw the Taj Mahal, I thought "Now that I've seen at least one of the seven wonders of the world, I can die in peace now if I were to die!" But now that I know how many possibilities are in this world even for poor kids and poor people, I just don't want to die at all. I want to live and explore this possibility. I want to keep living and see what other wonderful things life has to offer.

Australia has been a dream. And now I'm finally heading back towards the truest dream of all - Mizoram.

...where I rambled as a child
Makes me cry and makes me laugh
My reflections on the past
And the family, friends, and faith that shaped my life

It makes no difference just how far I roam
I still cling to that part that is so dear to my heart
My faith in God and memories of home -

The mountain angels sing

A bittersweet refrain of my Smokey Mountain Home!

Merry Christmas everyone! I wish everyone has the best Christmas this year, better than any that they've ever had, I wish everyone could be happy, and satisfied...

16 December 2007

Guess what I went and did today!

The one thing I've always dreamt of doing all my life, I went and skydived! And it was one of the single most exquisite adrenaline rush I've ever had.
And to all of you that used to say I was just talking big when I'd say I would skydive given a chance - HAH! In. Your. Face! I've been given a chance, and I've jumped. I hate to say I told you so but I told you so! And you thought I'd never really have the guts :P Just because you don't have enough courage to jump from a plane 14, 000 ft up in the air doesn't mean I wouldn't. Time for humble pie, suckers! hehe

15 December 2007

How many times do I think about sex?

First tag I've ever taken up - this one's from Nags. I'm taking this one up cos' I thought it sounds like fun. But I decided I'd just try to be honest with it, no funny or wittily evasive answers. If I didn't answer, it's only because it's too stupid to be answered.

1. How do you feel after a one night stand?

Shitty. Lovely. Gorgeously naughty. Guilty. Marvelous. Ashamed. Sexy. Dirty. Sinful. Round and round like a kaleidoscope.

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?


3. Does it hurt?


4. Do you know when you are acting crazy?

Sometimes yes. Lots of times no. I do something that seems perfectly normal to me and 10 people would come telling me later that I did something very crazy...***sigh***

5. Does size really matter?

Yes. Works the same way C & D cups 'matter' against A cups.

6. When the bill comes, are you still a feminist?

Yes. I'd be a true feminist by expecting and allowing my date to be a man and pay.

7. Why do you take so long to get ready?

Skin that has to feel soft. Hair that has to be clean. Lipstick that has to go on just right. Body that has to smell good etcetera etcetera. The extra time goes in to all the things that make you love us more.

8. Do you watch porn too?

Hello? We have hormones too!

9. Will something from Tiffany's solve everything?

Not at all.

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us?

Not at all.

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat?

Because I sometimes look fat?

12. Why are you always late?

I can't answer this one. I am never late.

13. Does it bother you when we scratch?

Hell yeah! Nobody's going to want to 'get close' to your crotch if you keep scratching there.

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up?

In public toilets, yes.

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married?

Do they do that??

16. How often do you think about sex?

A healthy amount of time is devoted to thinking about sex. Not an obsessive amount of time like a certain *ahem* 'gender' group.

17. What do you think of women who sleep on the first date?

Lucky! The guys must be really hot :-)

18. Would you?


19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom?

*yawn* Can I pass? I personally think 'every' is an exaggeration. However, even if it was, it would only help us 'strategize' better.

20. Why does every woman think she can change him?

I don't think, don't try. But I know many men who thinks they can, and even worse, who thinks they have to change me....

21. Does it matter what I drive?

To a certain degree - yes.

22. Do you ever fart?

Pass. I'm not even going to ask this time.

But really, I don't think anyone's ever as good, or as bad they appear to be. Even us women :P Especially in India, we are so used to being ashamed of so many things that we should be proud of it's sad. Which has led to a whole swarming mass of pretentious population. But that doesn't change what we are inside. Believe me, every girl, or at least, a majority of women - the normal majority that is, would love to find that guy who's worth losing their reputations for :P

14 December 2007

The Sweetest Things

The adorable, loving, but almost-stupid things friends say and do to keep you happy or just to keep you from being hurt:

1. You're out for a walk with your friend, and you've just spotted the guy you really like (who also just asked you out) kissing a girl, and your friend insists it could be his sister, when the guy is Caucasian and the 'sister' he's kissing is Asian.

2. A guy you're interested in suddenly seems to have lost interest in you, and your friend's explanation as to why? "He must be gay". And that's the only explanation there is.

3. You're in different continents, and they're going out to party without you and they send you an apology message - 'We're going out without you, sorry Jer, we love you!'

4. You sporadically keep canceling your travel plans, and they give you a farewell party and nice pressies each time. Three cancellations in three weeks can be pretty painful.

5. They refuse to talk to that 'friend' who didn't call you while you were sick.

6. You're going out with a new guy they don't trust, and they call you every one hour just to check if you're still alive. Not exactly funny when you're already 25+ years of age.

7. They lie for you. Even though they are terrible liars, and it most of the time don't work.

8. In their eyes, there's only one place you can go to when you die. Heaven.

9. They sit with me through a 4 hours long Church service in a language they don't understand a word of and still say it was fun.

10. Your contribution.

My friends have been my stronghold, my tissue boxes, my sleeping pills, my pick-me-ups . I don't know what I would do without them. Be bored stiff. Have no one to go out with, therefore stay home all the time. Grow depressed from all that staying home and self-companionship. Grow morbidly morose. Extreme clinical boredom. Lose all will to live. Start depending on chemical substances to want to continue living or shoot myself. So, technically, I owe them my life :D

11 December 2007

I've fallen in love

With myself, the ocean, and Cairns! "I" am the only person I can fall in love with over and over again and never get tired of. Also fell in love with about fifty hot men in the course of my one week trip :-) Yep, plenty of those up there in the jungle. Nothing like these sickening, suit-wearing, expensive cologne-smelling, snotty executive types in the city.

The past week was the best ever I've had in Australia. I snorkeled, scuba-dived, went white water rafting and jungle surfing, jumped into a very deep river with no thought of what was going to happen to me (I can't swim), fed Kangaroos.... I spent a lot of time in the water, and I'm terribly proud of everything I did in the water because I'm an air baby, and for me to jump into the ocean or the raging river, it takes an extreme amount of willpower.

Snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reefs - it was terribly scary so I had to force myself to stop thinking. So I donned my protective suit (jellyfish season) with a non-functioning brain, and jumped with a non-functioning brain.
And it was so easy! And everybody said I snorkeled like a pro :-) I can't say the same for diving though..

However, I ace in the air, always! :-) I was so good at this that when it was over and I had to get out of my harness, the staff were teasing me about how I should take the harness home with me.
Cape Tribulation - We skipped our fancy prepaid lunch and fed on coconuts on the beach instead, used rocks as tools to break them open and I laughed so hard my sides ached. And even though I hardly ate, it was one of the best lunches ever. The beach was completely deserted, and with the rainforest on one side, it felt like we were the only people there - shipwrecked and stranded. I thought of 3 people - Robinson Crusoe and his man Friday and Tom Hanks...
Also went cruising on the Daintree river and who did we run into? Mr Crocodile the monkey-eater!
One of my most favorite spots was this strip near the beach house where we stayed in Cape Tribulation. Hauling my massive survival kit bag - books, pens, pencils, ipod, camera, sunscreen, change of clothing and I'd sit there writing, sketching, taking pictures, whatever I wanted to, and it was just impossible to want to be anywhere else on earth.
I never stepped into the water, as inviting as it was, because of fear of stingers and stray crocs. Got all the sun that I missed in Sydney. So much so that this one guy at a club we went to refused to believe that the the girl in the picture on my passport was me and almost denied me entry. But in the end, he finally agreed that I've just been spending a lot of time in the sun.
Also, I was a little paranoid by the time I got there because on my entire way there, all that our driver talked about was how dangerous the area is, full of creatures on land and sea whose bite/sting is always "potentially fatal" :(

But despite all this, I loved Cape Trib! If I were to pick a place to live in next to home, I think this would be it. I know it's a little hot, a little humid, a little "rustic" but I think I can live there and be good and happy and satisfied.
It looks a lot like Mizoram, maybe that's why I fell in love with it so easily.

I have a secret plan that if it works out will be the coolest thing ever - and will be as helpful and enlightening as Edison's light bulb. How to make traveling here for any length of time as easy and affordable as buying a bottle of beer :D - for anyone!

I hope I'll figure it out in about a year or two. Well, I have it already figured out, but I need enough time off work, around 3 months to a year, to test my idea and see if it works. So start saving, the only expensive part will be the air fare from India to Australia :P

10 December 2007

I feel SO blessed!

And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

For He hath regarded the low estate of His handmaiden:

For He that is mighty hath done to me great
things; and holy is His name!

03 December 2007

Fresh Young Sexy = Kill 'Em All!

I'm not even 30 yet and I already feel so ancient sometimes! I will admit - at the risk of sounding like a loser, that I often feel threatened by young people, fresh blood with their unbeatable talents. But if you're anything like me, you will also find these brilliant, young, college graduate-types who seem to naturally excel in everything a little annoying too!

Unbeatable in looks and other physical attributes, including 'height', and general 'coolness'. Their grey matters are just bubbling over, while mine seems to be already starting to fizzle out. They are filled with a passionate yearning to learn. I'm sick of it.

They pepper their sentences with words like 'Incessant', 'Esoteric', 'Throbbing' (and not even mean anything remotely sexual by it!), and 'Asinine' (often in reference to me, I fear.)

They write about pain and loss - the kind that would put all the hurt I've known in my entire lifetime to shame. They write about the loves they've had, and my grandest dream of love cannot live up to their smallest reality love affair.

They usually have been in relationships that have lasted longer than their time on earth. Their hair's always neat and tidy and shines - even after a major roller coaster ride. Always sophisticatedly fashionable, always manage to look like they're either trendily a few years early or late in style.

They drink Martinis and cranberry juice and Vodka. They can wear 3 bulky sweaters and a heavy coat over it and still manage to look thin. They can even wear pretty padded bras and still don't look like they're carrying the world on their shoulders - chests, I mean. They mostly speak at least 5 different languages fluently.

Me - quickie relationships; wild, unruly, orphan-type hair; predictable with fashion; mundanely always manages to shuffle along with the rest of the masses - the less fashionable mass that is; drink masala chai when other people on my table are drinking earl greys and jasmine tea; beer when they're sipping their Chardonnays and Sherries and Chiantis.

I can inarticulately make-do with 3 or 4 languages/dialects (have never really been able to tell apart these two). 3 or 4 depending on who wants to know. 3 if it's someone who I know or who I think might speak French. 4 if it's someone I'm sure don't speak French. :)


Seen the Mighty Ducks 'Miracle' movie? If yes, you know how loveable the Mighty Ducks were in the movie. Made by Americans, all good things must come to no end for the American team, while the poor Russians could only haply play their dark roles and earn some money to pay for their vodkas.

So the result of the Americans making the movie is this: rosy-cheeked, blue-eyed young American boys coached by a blue-eyed, dimple-cheeked coach. The opponents are the Russians - rough, violent, and consistently displaying extremely bad sportsmanship. They also got Dracula's long lost brother to play their coach.

All this combined with the fact that the Russians are playing on the enemy's home turf results in this - the odds of them being the hot, or even minor favorites, are zero to none. The movie was made in such a way that you sit there and watch and think how absurd it is, and you start to feel a little sorry for the reds, but you still can't help but adore the Americans and cheer when they won.

I reckon I'm pretty much in a similar boat as the Russians in that movie. Odds stacked all against me. Born out of sync with my sophisticated world. I can't compete with the sexy fresh talent. Maybe I should move to Russia....

I'm leaving for a one week trip to the Great Barrier Reef tonight. Not exactly Russia, but it'll have to do for now.


28 November 2007

A Bushwalking We Had Gone!

We went trekking at the Royal National Park, the second oldest national park after Yellowstone in the USA. It was one of the best days I've ever had in a lo-o-o-ng time. It was beautiful, I can't think of any other way to describe it. Just purely beautiful and perfect.

Of course, it helps that I'm such an appreciative person and a true, true lover of wildness and nature :-) I found everything beautiful, and I, not less than once, heard 'Jerusha, those are just weeds!' I don't care if they are weeds, they were still beautiful to me. I wonder who decided to brand them as weeds in the first place. I can consider them God's ready made garden flowers. Never weeds.

It's been years since I've done any real trekking, but I was surprised at how good I still was. We decided to stray off the track and climb down some rocks closer to the sea and walk along it instead. I still don't run out of energy, I have never needed help climbing down, or up, or squeezing through crevices, and I found out I still don't, unlike the other trekkers, heights still don't scare me, a jump from a challenging height and landing safely still makes me glow a little with pride.

The white sands and limestones were amazingly...white. They hurt my eyes and I couldn't find my shades but conveniently found several strips of aspirin in my backpack. What would I do without aspirin!
We came upon this beach - Little Marley, I think it's called. Completely empty, stretched out all for us. It was like having our own private beach. It was pretty hot and we had been trekking for quite a few hours, so finding this little isolated beach was like finding paradise. And it being there all empty meant stripping and owning the water :-)
This is the rocky side of the beach - look at how clear the water is!And chock full of living creatures. A crag on the sea side will hold so many varied life forms I could understand for a minute what drives people to want to be marine biologists. This little pool of water, what would look like a small puddle on our Mizoram roads after a heavy downpour, had that much starfishes and sea anemones and other molluscs inhabiting it.

One thing that stuck me was how much the people here seem to care for the environment and animals. Everytime I picked up a starfish, or something of the like, Kate kept reminding me to not touch the inside because the sunscreen on my hands would make it sick.

We ate our lunch under a low hanging rock, then trekked back and went for a swim at Wattamolla. And that's Wattamolla right there -
I finally wore a bikini, in public, for the first time in my life. Jinx, you were right. I was so comfortable in it, it felt like I had worn it all my life. Well I'm exaggerating a bit but yeah, I was not overly shy or conscious. In fact, I'm gonna go buy myself a second pair, maybe even a third pair, since I'll be spending a whole week snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reefs soon.

Katie also taught me how to float, I loved it so much that my entire time at Wattamolla was spent floating. I never would have believed I could be such a good floater. I guess it must be the empty head :0)

The whole trip also made me turn green with envy - why can't we have these beautiful, blue waters, these blue skies, these beautiful weeds, these green grass instead of our plastic garbage laden lakes and streets? In the end, I still believe it all comes down to our frigging uncontrollable population. What can be done about this?

*groan* I can't believe I'm moving on to negatives again. Despite all my new found complaints, I have also discovered so many things I never realised before that I love about India. But am saving that for a new post.

23 November 2007

Why I’d Hate To Die

How many times do you think of death and dying? “How, when, where, why….”

I wonder about death every day. I know it's a morbid topic to dwell on and I have been told that it’s unhealthy and sick. But if I do think about death and dying, it’s mostly because I love being alive so much, that there are so many things I would hate to leave if I have to die. And it’s not about having suicidal tendencies, or unhealthy obsessions. Death is the great unknown. It’s natural to be curious.

My life is so blessed and I’m so happy to be the person living this life, to be in this moment of time and space, to be alive and breathing. I’m lucky to be waking up every day on top of the world – both rhetorically and literally :-)

I’m not pretending to have the perfect life. There are still so many things that I’d change if I could. I have raged against my parents for ever bringing me into this world. I have prayed and cried and raged against God and accused Him of being unfair and denying me even my simplest dreams.

Still, I have always believed that human beings are more good than bad, that I’d find more good people than bad people, that it is easier to love than to hate, that it is easier to like other people and be liked than dislike or be disliked. That there are more good music than bad music. More good than bad in this world - in simple words.

I believed that if I can make an effort to be truthful, people will be truthful to me. If I can make an effort to be loyal and faithful and loving, I will be truthfully loved in return.Yet, I have been lied to and cheated on. I have been made to feel like I have nothing in me to love, to be proud of, I have felt like I was trampled on, dirty, a fool to be jeered at. I have hurt so much that I got out of my bed and slept on the floor – because I didn’t know what else to do.

But the beautiful thing is that you wake up the next day and if you allow it, it’s not going to hurt as bad, and wounds do heal, if we’ll let them. Dignity and pride can be regained. I don’t always wake up feeling like the fool I felt I was the night before. I love life for this choice I have. Whether to stay defeated, or to rise and walk away.

Despite all the mistakes I've made, life is still good to me. I got a promotion, when I was least expecting it. Hoorah for me! Only snag’s that it has to happen while I’m here in the Sydney office, if you can call it a snag. And a previously non-existent ‘project’ that I’ve been secretly dreaming about has suddenly appeared out of nowhere and offered to me – to be owned and done with as little ole me pleases. I thank God for all these - also the biggest bonus I’ve seen in my life :-) (Not at all about the money, but the fact that my work is being appreciated). Also meetings where I suddenly find my picture and my name being projected on a screen and everyone is applauding for me. It’s like a dream.

And I’m rambling. And I haven’t gotten to the more important parts. But I will save those for a new post. I’m also happy that it’s a Friday evening, that it’s been a fulfilling week, and the weekend’s got exciting plans for it that I’m excited like a kid!

18 November 2007

Me To Earth

Hi everyone. Not to sound like a loser, but I'm kind of homesick, well just a little, but yeah, I can't wait to be home. I can't wait for it to be Christmas and I'm home and I can "ruai theh" - the true, indigenous, tribal way.

That doesn't mean that I don't like it here. I love the office and the people. I love the city, how clean and how beautiful everything is. But, it seems to me that Sydney is a very slippery city. Yeah, slippery. In the literal sense. I'm not graceful really, but I have never been a klutz either. I don't even remember the last time I slipped and fell. That is, before I came to Sydney. Then Sydney happened, and I've had several ground-encounters already.

The last time I fell, I fell pretty hard. I had been dreaming about falling hard, but not this kind of falling hard. Anyway, this may be gross, but I took a picture anyway, since the last time I got something like this was when I was 8 maybe ? :-)Friday night, we were a little bored eating in restaurants in the same street, so we decided to have a nice girls' night out. Got all dolled up, hailed a taxi and ventured out to the deeper recesses of the city. It was fun, had a great time, then a taxi took us home. An almost perfect night...but when I stepped out of the cab, something went very wrong, so that my knees touched the ground faster than my feet did. And there I was, splat on the pavement in the middle of a busy street, in my little black dress and my high heels, knees badly scraped and bleeding, then I think what people call 'zoning out' happened to me. It was too embarrassing to even be embarrassing, if you know what I mean. Now I have an ugly big bruise on my knee which hopefully will remind me to watch my steps, and hopefully will also be the last of its kind here.

And now, the things I love - the beaches mostly. This one is Bondi (Jinx, per your recommendations :-))
I love the beaches, and I can sit there the whole day and still never get over how clean and pure the air and the water is. Bliss for my lungs, and I now smoke like maybe only one cigarette a day.

One reason I like going to the beaches are the ferry rides and other boat rides I can take to go there. To be on a boat, with the clear blue sky overhead, and the pristine blue waters, and the wind on my face...***sigh*** Moments like those, it's almost possible to believe that I've never known sadness. One of our ferry rides -
I was in Bondi the whole day yesterday. There was this 'Sculpture By The Sea' thing going on. I don't care much for sculpture, but yesterday's was pretty interesting even for artistically-demented citizens like me. I thought this one was pretty cool -
I admire their genius and deep thinking and all that, but I'll never pay $8000 for something like this, even if I had more money than I know what to do with. Well, whatever amount I'm supposed to pay for them, I just wouldn't want to buy them at all.

But I found something I could genuinely appreciate (...but sadly couldn't buy. Life always works that way doesn't it?) -
Yep. Skateboarders. Skateboarding is the only sport that I've been able to watch for hours without dying of boredom. And to watch it live was absolutely thrilling. (I hope it's okay to use their pictures, the world is so frigging testy about privacy and copyright and all that crap nowadays I'm afraid to do what would have been perfectly okay during the Stone Age :P).
They were so good, me and my friend stopped at the rink and didn't move for several hours, and hardly even talked.We just stood and watched and sighed. There was this one guy who was really good (not in picture), and my friend would show signs of glee every time he'd come on, then after watching him for a while, she dreamily said out of the blue - "I think I'm partly in love with him.." Yeah me too, I think I want a skateboarder, not a sculpture :P

Now for the depressing part - this is me and Seva, doing the first thing we always do the moment we step in -
That's green tea ice cream on my hand, and ginger beer on hers. Shameless really, cos' we get depressed when our clothes don't fit us the way we want them to, yet gorging on ice-cream. But I have fallen in love with green tea ice cream. The thought of coming back to a green-tea-ice-cream-less-India is, in fact, a little disturbing...


11 November 2007

Manly Beach

For the sake of an update. And also because I think I did a pretty good job on this picture, not easy to click at the exact moment the waves break against the shore and they reach their optimal height (click on pic and see how 'optimal'!), and I also caught a boat speeding away, and a man fishing...

06 November 2007

Such is Sydney!

It's a Tuesday afternoon, and it's also the Melbourne Cup day. I betted on a horse called Blue Monday, but a horse called Efficient won. Never been lucky when it comes to money *sigh*

So at 3, we went down to the cafe where they'd put up two giant projectors where we could all watch the race. And champagne, wine, and beer flowed. And all sorts of food waiting to be eaten. And this is work :-)

Now remind me why I don't mind losing $5 betting on the wrong horse? :D

(Also check out the new 'About me' section. That's from the poem called 'Phenomenal Woman' by Maya Angelou. I've never found a poem that describes me better.)

01 November 2007


I don't know if this is happening for anyone else but MyBlogLog won't let me sign in! And I just can't help but blame Yahoo. I started using it considerably less after Yahoo took over, because they made changes that didn't make sense, the overall result of which was that MyBlogLog became less user-friendly and more user-hostile.

And now, for the past several days now, when I try to log in (with the demanded yahoo account), and then it takes me to that next page where it asks you if you have an existing account, or if you're new. I go to existing account option, where I enter my old account info, then it tells me that that's already been merged, so to create a new account or something. I've tried everything, and I can't go any further than that. What am I not doing right?

I don't want a new account, I just want to access my regular, existing account.

Also, my peeps who writes me on mybloglog, since everything's been fucked nice and lovely, and I don't even get email notifications anymore, and I can't even read messages or reply, scrap me on Orkut or something, anything other than MyBlogLog.

Would also love to have some advice on bloglog alternatives...


30 October 2007

The Voice of Truth

Oh, what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again
"Girl, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
'Causes Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.

Voice of truth - Casting Crowns

Don't have much to say, I miss God and me. Like the song says...what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in! I wish the voice of truth was louder.

28 October 2007

Sydney Week 2

My entire week was spent working so I really haven't had the time to really see the city. And my head's been swimming with ideas - work ideas, not fun ideas so I don't really have anything blog worthy. So I guess I'll just have to stick to pictures.

I've shown off pictures of my place, now time for general Sydney pictures. I took this picture from the park yesterday. The tall building to the left of the blue glass thing is where I work..
Finally got a couple of free days, went cruising along the Sydney Harbour. I was freezing, and my Australian friends think it's too warm to move. Years of living in mainland India has diminished my tolerance to low temperature. The harbour - with the Australian Lotus Temple (:P) (as my sister calls it) in the background.
Andddddd.....I've met quite a few interesting fellas, like this one! :D
Sorry no kangaroo pictures yet. I'm planning a trip to the zoo very soon. Till then, this picture of a wallaby will have to suffice. In fact, I like wallabies better than I like kangaroos, they're way cuter.

22 October 2007

Sydney & loving it!

I'm loving Sydney etc etc and more etcs. I already got some pictures, bad ones but I have lots of time to take more pictures later...I have a really cool apartment - all fancy shmancy, way up on the 68th floor! View is amazing, needless to say.
And the view from my bed with the curtains drawn -
I took that from my bed with my head on my pillow :)

But it gets a little lonely - all the way up here when everything's over and you're sitting in your room with the city spread out in front of you. And it's just me and Mr. Mistofelees, so I go around taking pictures of us...
Close up of Mr. Mistofelees -
He's travelled a lot, first all the way from Sydney to Hyderabad, and now all the way from Hyderabad back to Sydney. He's not really great company but I couldn't leave him there since there were wolves prowling around trying to steal him all the time.

It's after 1 AM, the wind is howling outside. I'm dying for a smoke, however, this is also a non smoking apartment :( Guess I have no choice but to come home with cleaner lungs...

I'm still jetlagged, and currently bored.

Okay, heading off to bed for another fun and exciting night with Mr. Mistofelees.

[Thanks for staying to talk Scott]


19 October 2007

Suitcases & airports again

Leaving for Sydney tomorrow. Am not very excited about it right now, and there was a time when I hated Hyderabad so much that I'd grab every chance I could to get out of it - trips to Delhi, regular, impulsive weekend trips to Bangalore, I'd do anything. And it's kind of ironic that now that I really love the place and the people, I have to leave, albeit for a short while. But then, c'est la vie. I hope to have fun in Sydney, Sohna says the streets are crawling with hot men :-)

Will be blogging regularly with nice pictures I hope. And in the meantime, I'll post this picture because I really like it, it's the cutest thing ever. The guys checking out an UFO :-) Drinking tea after church, I looked up and saw a stationary shiny, silver ball in the sky, which looked almost like a star. I pointed it out to the guys, and they were looking at it, trying to figure out what it was, long after I lost interest in it.
I wonder what it really was though...


16 October 2007

Avian Invasion

The last week was a week of extreme emotions and mental stress and strain, but there was only one happening of note.

I got a big cooler on my balcony, which means the corner behind the cooler remains relatively untouched. I decided to clean it one day and look what I found!

Pigeon eggs! And on the floor too.

They're cute and all that but the mother and I don't get along very well. I respect her space and I expect her to do the same but nothing of the sort. It starts cooing from daybreak, and I'm a light sleeper. And I thought pregnant humans were the worst, but you should see this pigeon. She's jumpy. Plus she thinks she owns my balcony. And it's not like it's a big balcony, but still, I thought there's ample space for the two of us to cohabitate peacefully.

However, she's already given me several minor heart attacks. When I say she's jumpy, I mean she's easily startled and she also startles people. For example, it's morning, the sun's coming up, and I wake up feeling great and I want to step outside and breathe in that early morning cool, fresh air. I open my door and inadvertently startles her. And she jumps! Out at me with a loud flutter and flapping of wings and feather all over my face! Or I've had a relaxing night staying home reading, nice and warm and happy in my bed. I get up to close my window and again - sudden loud flapping jumping at you from the dark. Believe me, it's not a pleasant experience particularly when you've just finished reading 'The Classic Collection of Victorian Ghost Stories.'

But the last straw was when she decided to 'cross over'. I'd gotten home late, and I was just out of the shower - feeling all fresh and daisy-like. It was around 1:30 AM, and I was not sleepy so I decided to sit out on the balcony and write a bit. I opened the door and again, she apparated out of the dark with her usual clamor and after making me jump out of my skin, proceeded to invade my territory by blithely flying into my room.

Talk about 'avian flew'!

I, naturally, chased it. It flew around, perched on my my desk, my chair, even jumped on to my bed and dawdled around on my clean linen. I was afraid it would get hurt so I turned off the ceiling fan (I know, I know. I'm such a saint :P) Thinking back, I wonder why I bothered because I don't think I would have minded very much if it had died. The fat bird headed towards the window and hung on to my flimsy curtains with its sharp claws. That made me involuntarily scream "Don't!"

After 2 AM and I still had the pigeon in my room. I was sweating and messy. The bird shat mid-flight several times - out of fright, I suppose. I had cleaned up bird poo off my floor several times already. And the bird was now hiding under my bed, and I was tired, and distressed, and felt like a failure. ''What kind of a woman am I that I can't even catch a pigeon?! I'm hopeless". Too late to wake watchman up. However, Amrita, my roomie, woke up in the commotion and came in to help.

She said 'pigeons can't see in the dark, so maybe if we turn off all the lights, it would fly out on its own' (??? Go figure). It didn't make sense but I was willing to try anything. So we turned off all the lights and waited. It didn't budge. Not a peep.

Seeing it was not helping, she again suggested we turn on the lights in the dining and living room, and leave it dark in my room, and leave the door to the living room open, so that light from the other rooms would flood into my room and kind of like 'wash or flood out' the intruder. So we ran about switching on dining room and living room lights. And waited. Still no peep.

I resorted to having light in my room. Clapping a bit. Stamping on the floor. That roused rogue pigeon yet again. It came out from its corner under the bed and panicked and flew around and fell and then flew again like a beast possessed. At last, it landed on my dressing table. Creams and lotions went flying and clattering and crashing to the floor. I was so tired by then I just stood and screamed "Stop, stop, not there!"

(I felt stupid about that part later but at the time it made perfect sense to tell a pigeon to stop doing something.)

I will also admit that I was not completely 'unscared.' It would perch somewhere where I couldn't reach it and look at me. And I swear I could see 'emotions' - human-like emotions reflecting in those beady eyes. It kept on giving me long, meaningful, reproachful glances. Making me feel like a female Judas. I didn't know pigeons were capable of such meaningful looks. I also saw it was frightened. Its chests were heaving. But damn, I was scared too. Her chests were not the only ones heaving for pete's sake. Why was I feeling guilty?!

And then, in the midst of all these glances and warring with eyes, it headed towards the dressing table yet again, thrashing around and knocking things over and down to the floor again. Then in the midst of the havoc, I saw my new Elizabeth Arden perfume fall to the floor. As if in a trance. I LOVE that perfume, and it's expensive! That was it. Enough was enough.

I marched out, re-entered with a broom and an old jacket and started chasing it with renewed vigour. It ran for dear life (note: Ran. Not flew. Guess it was too tired to fly). Scampered. Scurried. But it was not so adept at running like it was at flying. It ran straight into a corner. Cornered, it turned back to face me meekly. I felt so powerful at that moment. It was meek and mild and it had surrendered. To me. And I loomed over it with my weapons - old jacket and broom in hand. Yes, I loomed. Like a true victor.

(Even though I was the vanquisher and not the vanquishee, I had to take a shower again and change my sheets before I could retire peacefully to bed - not terribly becoming things to do for a surviving warrior. I am not sure but I believe pigeons could easily be bearers of a whole sort of deadly fleas and diseases.)

I mercilessly threw the jacket over it like a net, preventing it from creating any further chaos. I picked it up and discarded it outside, hastily locking the door after it. I made it a point to leave it on the kitchen balcony, hinting to it that I did not want it to return to my side of the house.

I saw it hovering near the eggs the next day. I checked several times last night, but the eggs were alone. Besides being dumb, it's also a bad mother.

Now I'm stuck with two pigeon eggs. I'm thinking of putting them up for auction, maybe even adoption on the net. eBay maybe. If anyone's interested, let me know. Price on request.


09 October 2007

Tasty Bear Recipe

..is not here, it's here. Only a day old but you'll still find fun stuff like bear recipe of the month and sage sayings to light your way in this dark maze we call life :-)

Now on to more serious stuff - messy, serious stuff but I will not make any attempt to sort, sift, organize or anything of the sort. I'll be mean and dark and vindictive - full of negative energy today. I will focus only on the dark forces.

* Darky 1: I hate the TV people - for treating us like morons by subjecting us to ridiculous commercials and parading siliconed-botoxed-collagened-restylaned females as your average girl-next-door and making the rest of us real girls-next-door look like circus clowns.

I have never been fond of the idiot box. I spend maybe roughly an hour or two sitting in front on it in an entire week, and yet I always find a million reasons to hate it more each time. The fact that they actually believe that subjecting us to dumbass jingles like 'Sip the coffee, lick the cream' (Worse than Kindergarten nursery rhymes!) would *actually* con us into buying their stuff is beyond me.

I do admit some are witty and entertaining, even persuasive and coaxing. But it's a sad fact there are more crappy ones than fun ones. In fact, I think I'll make a list of the ones I really hate, all over the place and unprofessional but heartfelt:

1. Sip the coffee, lick the cream. Tra-la-la. Coffee cream gets on the tips of their noses and they lap it all up. Would've been better if they'd shown people licking it off each other's noses instead of their own. (Get up and make self tea.)

2. Nivea whitening cream/lotion (?) for men. (Change to channel 5 and watch National Geographic in Hindi.)

3. All Hritik Roshan commercials. That look, the amused half-smile in the corners of his mouth, the suavity... Overdone, and he's not steak is the problem. I like my steak overdone but it about stops there. From the looks of it, I believe he thinks he's too sexy for his shirt, his cat, or whatever. Can NOT watch anything with the guy in it. (Switch to channel 7 and watch a Telegu religious program. Or close eyes.)

4. The really bad Shampoo ad of Bipasha Basu & John Abraham. That was so bad it was almost amusing. 'It's hot' 'It's not' 'You're hot' 'I'm not' - something along those lines. (Admire hair in mirror during this commercial.)

5. All Airtel commercials. (Make phone call.)

Hutch used to be fun. I'm wary about the new Hutch-is-now-Vodafone ones though. Haven't seen anything interesting so far.

* Darky 2: Yahoo's acquisition of MyBlogLog. I couldn't change my profile pic for a while after Yahoo engineers tampered with it. Any disruption is always unwelcome.

* Darky 3: The Wisconsin shooting. It's sad and all that, and there's no way anyone can justify what the killer did. But as bad as this may sound, I wonder how good it must've felt to shoot someone who just called you a worthless pig.

* Darky 4: Misual is getting boring. It used to be a hot spot for lively, heated, and even once in a while, intelligent discussions. Now it's become a place where someone can't speak his mind or say what he thinks without a whole sinister bunch ganging up against him and shutting him up with a sharp reprimand about how he should not think/talk/theorize/make unchristian-like judgments about other people et al. Very SSS-like. Not at all conversation-inducive. Well, it's true that people don't necessarily cower and curl up in the corner and die after such a rebuke. They still talk. But it's boring to read through a discussion where 8 out of every 10 comments are over-conventional, self-righteous, precaution-packed, and too politically-correct...

03 October 2007

A word a day -

For one weird reason or the other, we all have this thing about words. There are some that you’re just really fond of, and some you’d want to be shot first for before using it or having to hear it being uttered. And yes, weird, weird reasons.

Like for example, I suddenly asked Shirley one day what her most favorite word was. ‘Possum’, she said without hesitation. I asked her why. She hemmed and hawed a while before admitting that she doesn’t have a clue why. ‘Maybe it’s the two S’s’ she said. Seems she likes words that have a letter appearing twice back to back, like pee, poo, loo, moo, coo, etcetera.

Usually, I’m not that technical about words. For me, it’s more to do with what the word makes me think of. And some words make me think of the darndest things. Some examples of words that I like and dislike and the thoughts they invoke in me:

  1. P’s

+ PercussionMusic. Peace. Hot guys. Handsome, long-haired, guitar-strumming guys with beautiful, slender fingers, to be precise.

- PeruseDrab government offices with lots of paper, smoke, dirty teacups. Bad English.

  1. J’s

+ Jangle Christmas. Santa & Rudolph. Dancing.

- Jocund; jocular – Merry and all that, but yech! Chubby. Stout. Busty. Lard. Round. Me.

3. V’s

+ Venison Why does this word make me think of Genevieve? She’s some heroine from some play I saw when I was a kid. I believe it was pretty popular, but I don’t remember a thing from it, except that she suffered a lot.

- Victual – Dry, tasteless meat. Dry, bad wine. Dry, mostly.

  1. I’s

+ Indomitable – Some part of me :-). The Abominable Snowman.

- Increment – Excrement.

  1. S’s

+ Swoon – ‘Home they brought her warrior dead’

- SpouseUnhappy marriage. Unhappy couples.

  1. H’s

+ HitherGraceful little steps I’ve never been capable of, like a Ballerina’s. Shirley ('Come hither, young one' she likes to say.)

- HusbandryMud. Dung. Soggy. Foul odors.

That’s all I can think of for now. I could probably come up with a way bigger list if I give it more thought. Some of those words and the related thoughts are obvious, some have no link whatsoever. You can play Freud and try to decipher them. [Guessing you’ll all come up with crap though :-)]

Also check out the desktop picture on my laptop. I have exactly four monitors in use, including this - maybe a little obsessive behavior but all adorned with pictures of the same man – a perfect example of what ‘Percussion’ makes me think of!

He's so hot. I'm not ashamed to admit that I, the humble, modest, nondescript & forgettable one, am stalking him. Yoko Ono is a great inspiration at this time. Who knows, I may get lucky by some bizarre force of nature like she did. And I would even go so far as to admit that I even think that I, as plain and charmless as I may be, am still prettier than she is.

28 September 2007

Meet Venks

This is Venkata Subramaniam Swamy. But we call him Venks. He's an ownerless mongrel that hangs around near a cemetary about 10 minutes away from our office. He is really beautiful for a stray, as you can see. He looks regal and dignified. I seriously contemplated taking him home with me and adopting him at some point but he's too old and he's too wild it just wasn't feasible.

We swipe food from the cafeteria and go down and feed him once in a while. The first time we did that, he ate heartily and barked at us ceaselessly after he was done. He was always wary, looked at us with distrustful eyes, stand at a distance and refuse to come closer. Only when we put the food down and moved away would he move closer.

But yesterday, I didn't even see him but he bounded and leaped out from behind a truck when he saw me, all excited. He found me! I didn't have to stand there and coax him with food. I was so thrilled to see him yesterday.

We wanted to name him and Sohna thought he looks like a wolf so should be called Wolverine or Logan, but we decided Logan's too human a name. I wanted Mungojerry but again it was decided that it's derogatory for a dog to be named after a cat. Shirley came up with his current name. We all love it, he's a South Indian dog, and should have a South Indian name.

I can't wait for the day he'll let us pet him!

26 September 2007

How marred I am and withered too

Give me the lowest place: or if for me
That lowest place too high, make one more low
Where I may sit and see
My God and love Thee so.

(Christina Georgina Rossetti)

'Lowest place' dil takngial pawh hi in in thlahrung ve thin em?

Make one more low, and one yet lower, and lower still ....

24 September 2007

Scissor sister

I tried using only pictures of people I know and whose pictures I took myself. But I couldn't leave Lauri's eyes out. Too beautiful to not be included. Now look at that closely and tell me how many girl's eyes are there? Not counting my own of course, too obvious :-)

The only thing that will keep me at home is a very, very, very, very, very good book or extreme exhaustion. I've been trying to enforce some form of discipline. Get home. Stay there. It's really very difficult. When I do stay home, I read so much my eyes hurt. I do the laundry, I end up washing clothes that don't even need washing at all and I end up with blisters on my fingers. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm just inherently self-destructive.

I also end up cutting up people's good pictures in absence of good book or dirty laundry.

I love the pink-eared one :-)

I've noticed while doing this that among the people I know, there are hardly any women who wears glasses, while there are quite a few among the men.

Hunting for pictures and cutting them up is a very good way to kill the time, and I can do them like I'd read a book, lying down with no intense physical injury to self. Besides burning eyes if you overdo it. They're pretty fun to do though. I have eyes, noses, ears, teeth, lips, watches... I look at them the next day and I'm not even really sure which eye/nose/lips belong to whom. And they're all people I know very well.

I really want to do something a little more scandalous, like busts, or butts, or belly buttons. But I don't have enough pictures for those :( Am open if anyone's got anything to contribute!

21 September 2007

Ozzy-mandius of Egypt

Isn't Shirley's 'Khumbeu' cute? The Fedora of my ancestors. She really likes it. And I must admit hat and wearer looks like they were made for each other. Could it be that Shirley is one of my long-dead ancestors reborn? Thinking much about reincarnation these past couple of days :-)

AAaarrghhh! It's review season - the season of nightmares, deadlines, and unappeasable appetites. That's what kickstarts the goofing-off ball. You do anything and everything except all that you're supposed to do! I'm either stressed out or having the time of my life or too tired I can't keep my eyes open all the time. Any one of those three.

*Tip: Soft toys, soft birds induce a peaceful mind.
I have tons of reviews to write, so much so that I can't write anymore (Nags, you know what I'm on about). I just came back from a 2 hour lunch (Barbeque Nation's lunch buffet - free beer and your very own barbeque kit on your table). I already wasted the whole morning building paper ships during meetings. I piled candies on it and smiled at my candy-laden ship while everyone else looks grave with serious business matters. It's the ship that will take me to Holland and will take me sailing over the sands of Egypt. That's what I think about during meetings. That's what I think about at night!

I'm losing it. Iwannagohomeandsleepsleepsleepsleep.

*Tip: Stress-buster of the day: Bite off birds' heads. Yum.

20 September 2007


The weirdest thing happened last night. I was out having dinner with some friends at this beautiful restaurant near a lake. We were waiting for some other friends to turn up so we were sitting at the bar. There was this one guy sitting next to us who looked exceedingly familiar. I didn't pay him too much attention but wondered a bit where I'd known him before. And it struck me later that he had a strong resemblance to a guy I used to date. The friend who sat next to him struck up a conversation with him, and they started talking. We were talking about something else so again, we didn't join in but I heard him talk, and again, he sounded terribly like the ex. And it was just weird because more than his resemblance to the ex, it felt like he was someone I used to know really well even though I was sure I'd never set eyes on him before.

I saw him talk and look at me. I couldn't hear a thing but my friend also turned and looked at me so I knew I was being talked about. I pretended not to notice even after the friend rejoined us later. The friend told us a bit about the 'stranger' he was talking with, which country he's from etcetera, and there I was, having all these weird, indescribable, swirling, smoky, deja-vu-type feelings because of him when my friend added 'And oh, he said his girlfriend looks just like you.'

Well, that sounds all corny and lame-assed and everything but it just felt so out of the ordinary...


11 September 2007

Trying not to burn

They never tell you truth is subjective, they only tell you not to lie
They never tell you there's strength in vulnerability, they only tell you not to cry
They never tell you you don't need to be ashamed, they only tell you to deny
...So is it true that only good girls go to heaven?

(Something Else - Gary Jules)

I can be strong too even when I cry. I don't need to be ashamed of anything. I'm not responsible for the genes I inherited. I've never been that kind of good, but I can try not to burn.

I'm trying to embrace the truth of who I am, what I am, not always easy but I don't hate myself. I may have momentary lapses of self-loathing and shame, but that's about all. But I do tend to stray.

Can I get away with just facing and embracing simpler truths like Shirley's vertical milwaukee portable saw trax and men with fur balls down their throats? Or maybe even Mongolian Death Worms or Bryukhonenko's living severed dog head...? They are so much more easier....


06 September 2007

Guess what!!

Jens Johansson wrote to me!!!!

Well, it doesn't matter that it was just one line and he was just being nice to ardent fans I guess, but I don't care. It may not seem like much but it means a great deal to me. A personal MySpace message from one of the Stratovarius guys. Wow! It's so eff-ing fantastic!
I've been hunting each member down on MySpace. I never really expected anything. Just to see who their friends are, read their stuffs, their blog entries, and everything that I've seen's just made me admire the guys more. They all sound so down to earth. Now I can admire them as musicians and as human beings.

Yesterday, we saw Timo Tolkki glowing online. Shirley and I just stared at the screen, sighing "Can you believe Timo Tolkki is there, sitting in front of the computer, logged on to MySpace right now? Wow!!"

In some ways, I think I deserve that little message. I've introduced and turned many people into Strato fans :-P You know that's not an easy thing to do in a country like India where metal's never been popular. Anyway, that's all. Think I'll go and brag some more. I've told everyone on my floor, now I'm going up to the 6th, 7th, and 8th floors to tire everyone's ears out.

UPDATE: Timo Kotipelto also just wrote back to me! Yayyy! Best day in months!!

UPDATE: 1:06 PM, 7th Sept. Lauri Porra replied to the message I sent him last night. He wrote:

Hi jerusha,

thank you for your kind words. they made me happy


(I swiped this pic off some site, I hope I'm not doing anything illegal!)

t was while Googling for Lauri that I found their MySpace pages. Lauri is so hot but I'm not going to go into that. I read what he wrote about VIP tickets on his blog and that was enough to make me see him beyond hotness. I remembered the VIP-ticket-holding-smirking people at the Aerosmith concert and how painful it was watching them being herded in before you when you'd been standing there for HOURS.

We are all good human beings. Doing unto each other and all that. Anthropos! I'm so-o crunked.

31 August 2007

My New Retro Sari :-)

Out of extreme boredom, I watched one very old Hindi movie one day. It was a dumb movie but there was this one scene where the heroine danced in the hills wearing a yellow flowery sari. I fell in love with it.

That evening, I went out, walked into a Sari shop, told the guy I wanted a yellow sari with flowers on it.

It was not quite like the heroine's sari but I still love it, so I just wanted to proudly show it off here :-)

(Almost forgot, wanted to add that I look weird in the picture because I had paan in my mouth :P. And no, I don't normally eat paan! )

Okay, I'm realllyy bored. I CAN NOT wait for people. Well, I can but it drives me crazy. I'm always on time. Why can't people be on time?

I'm gonna find some pictures I like to post. Not the most brilliant way of killing time, but there's no rule that says one always have to strive for brilliance in all things.

Picture 1: The Ring Part 3 starring Sailopari. I took this picture but all credit goes to the subject.
Reason for posting - Funny, makes me laugh every time I look at it.

Picture 2: With Smriti & Katrin
Reason for posting: Genuine smiles with teeth showing hard to come by these days. This is one of few.

Picture 3: Mentioned-many-times-before, Shirley & Sohna of the Bear & Peacock BDSM fame.
Reason for posting: Shirley's smile. That's how she always smiles. She's got the most beautiful and freshest and cleanest smile ever.

Picture 4: Kush and I helping someone move.
Reason for posting: Kush's venomous eyes and healthy teeth. But eyes mostly. Aren't those eyes deadly?

Pictures 5, 6 & 7: Joe & Sam. No need for words here.
Reasong for posting: Cute. Plus, proof to show how easy it is to get men to do what you want them to do :-) 'Play with your nipples' 'Show off your biceps' - and ta daaa!

I think I should go find something else to do. I have a feeling I'm gonna be hearing from Sailopari and Joe and Sam pretty soon. So to ward off unwanted phone calls, I'll go back to safer topics.

Back to my sari now. So I only wear it inside when I want to smell something new and I want to feel all ladylike and feminine. I would love to be able to wear it outside, but I can't because of this:
It's easy posing gracefully for a minute. But in reality, I have to bend down and do such squatting exercises every once in 5 minutes :( But I practise every day. I will learn in time to wear it on my next big dinner out.