31 July 2006

My Newly Revised Hate List

1. Gerunds

2. Prepositions

3. Commas, periods, colons, semi-colons, apostrophes..all punctuations in fact!

4. Adverbials and discourse connectors

5. Conditionals - Unreal, inverted and implied & other ways to express unreality

6. Subjunctive in noun clauses

I'll be adding a whole lot more to that list as the week progresses.
And those are things I used to think I like. Now I've found out they're evil, they consort with witches and demons, they're of the underworld, the darker side of the other side, not the innocent, helpful little friends I once thought they were. Gerunds! who would've thought those harmless-sounding little things could give one a massive headache!
And prepositions?? I'm ashamed to admit that I fear them now. I battled a lone prepostion and lost. Subjugated by a preposition! I'll never live this down.
Language should not be made complicated. We should keep things simple. Let's be happy with any form it takes, just as long we get the message across. Okay, if we were talking Sanskrit, I'd understand. Urdu, Latin, ancient Greek - yeah. But not modern-day English. All those intricacies only takes the beauty out of the language. And I don't want to start hating it.

27 July 2006


What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Edna St.Vincent Millay

24 July 2006

Time for a song -

myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
The hills were alive with wildflowers
And I was as wild, even wilder than they
For at least I could run, they just died in the sun
And I refused to just wither in place

Just a wild mountain rose, needing freedom to grow
So I ran fearing not where I'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow

And the flowers I knew in the fields where I grew
Were content to be lost in the crowd
They were common and close, I had no room for growth
I wanted so much to branch out

I uprooted myself from home ground and left
Took my dreams and I took to the road
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow

I grew up fast and wild and I never felt right
In a garden so different from me
I just never belonged, I just longed to be gone
So the garden, one day, set me free

Hitched a ride with the wind and since he was my friend
I just let him decide where we'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow..

Dolly Parton

Now that's mainly for those punks who loves calling me Gypsy/Gypsy Queen/Nomad. Not that I mind. I love being able to move. I love moving - doing whatever. I love moving from place to place. I'd rather move than not. I totally agree with Pascal - that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. At least most of my evil results from my being unable to sit still - in a room, on a chair, on the bed, in front of the TV - doesn't really matter where.
Most of my fun as well...

21 July 2006

- nostalgic ?

2 entries found for nostalgic.
nos·tal·gi·a ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-stlj, n-)

A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

Me too.

18 July 2006

Words of Wisdom

Not sleepy. Story of my life! Bored out of my wits. Blogspot URLs banned. There we were talking about the necessity of banning chocolates & tattoos & oysters, and Big Brother merrily skips over the real evils and decide to ban..blogspot? Strangely, it's failed to tick me off. I really don't care as long as they quit fucking around soon.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and have drawn the following conclusions:
- There should be more to life other than just sitting inside a fancy building in front of a fancy computer sipping coffee all day long.

- I want to dye my hair green.

- It's not healthy to have one's whole life revolve around the computer.

- The best way to really, truly feel free is to take all your clothes off. If you often feel oppressed and suffocated, hang around your apartment naked. Without the restraints of unneccessary clothing. Aaah..bliss! There are friends of mine who've told me they can't even take a shower naked! Now how crazy is that? My friend Shalini asked me once what I wear when I sleep, I told her. She almost fainted, 'Jeri, this is NOT America!!', she gasped. So??!! Anyway, it comes easy to me. A lingering legacy of my naked, tribal ancestors perhaps!

- Most people don't know it, but brushing teeth is a good feel-good factor. Brushing, and flossing too. If you feel funny and can't decide where the funniness stems from, just go brush your teeth or floss, or both. Days when I get to stay home all day, I brush my teeth like a dozen times a day. Sit my butt down and do some serious business with dental floss. I swear they up my mood, lift my spirits a little. And you could die any minute, and it's better to die with clean teeth.

- I'm in love with a memory. It sucks. Time to move on.

- If you really love chocolate, you should eat as much of it as you want to. Life's too short to diet.

- If you're smoking, time to quit. Life's already too short to shorten it further. I'm gonna quit.

- Nail polish - don't ever buy Maybelline's colorama's baby pink polish. It doesn't dry. Leave it on forever, it still won't dry.

- If you're in a place you don't like much, leave. Waste of time trying to make yourself love something or someone.

- If a guy says he loves you but seems cold and distant all the time, kiss his sorry ass goodbye! It also applies if he's tired all the time. It also applies if you want to spend some time with him and all he wants to do is sleep. It also applies if he throws a fit when you go out without him and have some fun. And the only reason you went out without him in the first place is because he's always working/busy/tired/down with the flu/just don't feel like it.

- If you feel bloated but hoping you don't look as bloated as you feel, you probably look worse than you feel. If you think you look like an old hag, you probably do. If you think a guy likes you, he probably does. If you think he don't(/you're not sure/he seems to like you sometimes and sometimes not), he probably don't. At least, not in that way. You're just a good buddy.

- Honesty is NOT always the best policy. Example: If you've cheated on someone you don't want to lose, lie. Best policy my ass. If someone comes and tells you otherwise, shoot him/her! Damn damn damn..why didn't anyone tell me this sooner? Henceforth, I am going to slather every sentence that comes out of my mouth with lies. To save my skin. To butter up people. To save a relationship. To save a whale or a panda. For the cause of humanity. But mostly to save a relationship.

- I want my mother.
I'm not all that grown-up as I thought I was. I can't handle life as well as I thought I could.

15 July 2006

...for I have sinned

A million times...
Conscience-struck, guilt-ridden.
Sleep should be an escape and yet my conscience follows me there too. Nightmares, bad dreams - putrid, black water breaking over me. Stuck in a box where I can't breathe. A filthy, murky lake swimming with dead bodies.
Why can't I just be the person I am and accept myself that way, the way I was meant to be? It's exhausting trying to be this person I always thought I wanted to be, an angel inside out. Especially since I'm no longer sure what kind of person I want to be. Why should I flog myself because I can't be that angel? Saint-like, pure and unpolluted, constant halo shining over my head.
It's almost funny how the voices inside my head won't stop. They're laughing now, derisive, mean - 'That's right. Go ahead, justify yourself. Blame it on circumstances, your genetic make-up. Say it's because you were lonely. Say it's because you were feeling down. It won't change the fact that you have sinned and are therefore, still a sinner.'
Okay. Enough. I'm going to go easy on myself.
Because I know ranting and raving won't help.
Because I know I can't always be the good little girl I've always wanted to be, no matter how much I try.
Because I know I'm going to sin again tomorrow.
And the day after. And the day after that.
And will you like me less then?
Or will you respect me for the person I at least try to be?

I've made up my mind about it. I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!"
I shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else. But I do wish they would put their heads down! I am so very tired of being all alone here!"


08 July 2006

Chocolates, Hormones & Men

Hormones! That got your attention eh? :-)
Well, I'm not going to talk about anything interesting here, just a bit of girl talk peppered with the spicy science of endocrinology :D.
Chocolates, hormones and men..in that order.
It was a couple of nights back when my friend R & I decided to go for a walk after dinner and dropped in at the corner Baskin Robbins for some ice-cream. One thing I hate about ice-creams - one already have to think so hard trying to decide whether one should eat it at all in the first place, 'What have I eaten today?', 'Any new dress that I've been dying to get into?', 'Is there someone whose attention I'm trying to catch?'...etc etc. And then you finally decide no, you can't afford to eat that ice cream but throwing all caution to the winds, still decide to go for it anyway, inwardly feeling like you're about to commit the biggest crime of your life. Whew! That should be enough. But no. You still have to decide which flavor you want to have. But that's always a whole lot easier.
So anyway, I chose chocolate that night. And R, pista because she thinks chocolate ice-creams are the most sinful of all ice-creams. The meanest. The absolute baddest. Don't get me wrong. She loves chocolates, the trouble begins when the i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m comes with the c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e. And she chided me on my bad choice - 'No good watching what you eat the whole day and then eating chocolate ice-cream at the end, that will undo it all'
'Ice-cream's ice-cream, they're all going to make you fat anyway. Besides, chocolate is good for health' I said, not having anything better to say.
A very sarcastic 'How so?' from her.
'It increases your sex drive, the ancient Mayans even used it as an aphrodisiac!'
(Now I have absolutely no idea what the ancient Mayans' version of Viagra was, or if they even had one but I thought 'the ancient Mayans' sounded deep and gave my lame excuse that touch of conviction that I desperately needed)
'OOoh really??'
I thought she was being sarcastic again but she was not. She actually believed me.
'Now that explains why I've been feeling the way I do, I've been eating too much chocolate!'
[Guys, you know what to feed your women!;-)]
'Does chocolate work for you too?' she asked.
Told her I haven't eaten enough to find out.
'What works for you?'
(Yes, I love tattoos! Not on me though..on a guy.)
'Does C have a tattoo?'
'No, but the man I'm currently lusting after has one, two celtic dogs on a chain on his biceps.'
'Can I meet him?'
'After you've gotten all that chocolate out of your system.'
'What's wrong with having chocolate in my system and meeting him?'
'I just don't want you to meet him with your hormones raging. I can do without the competition.'
We had a good laugh, wondered some more if single people in a country like India where sex is taboo should be allowed to eat chocolates or get a tattoo done at all.
Maybe the government should do something about it. Ban it, make it illegal. No chocolates. No tattoos. Less temptation.

Just an afterthought. I know lots of people who have no intention of getting married. NO chocolates for them? (Make that us)
Ever?? I remember what Virgo once told me, it isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. Where there's no 'marital', there can't be a 'pre'. Sounds kind of lame. But it does make sense when you think about it.
But that would pretty much contradict a lot of our moral, religious & social values.
But still, we are good people. Good chocolate-loving, tattoo-worshipping people. Suckers for all the good and delicious things life has to offer. And since the government just won't do anything about it, maybe we should all just go get ourselves neutered.

07 July 2006

"Everywhere" - Tim McGraw

He's never going to read this but if he ever does, he'd agree with me and marvel at how much this song feels like it was written for us, for me!(That is, after snipping the Albuquerques and Arizonas, Montereys, Georgias and Carolinas and Oklahomas and Dallases out)
We were born in this little town
Growin' up I was counting down
Every single day till we made our get-away
But you said you could never see yourself
Trying to make a life anywhere else
This would be your home and I was on my own
But ever since we said good-bye
I've been out here on the wind
Baby you would be surprised
All the places you have been.
...No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you

Now, days when I'm passin' through
The conversation always turns to you
I hear you're doin' fine
Livin' out by the county line
Got a woman that's home every night
A couple of kids and the kind of life
That you want to lead
Guess you could say the same for me
Cause you and I made our choices
All those years ago
Still I know I'll hear your voice
And see you down the road
Never did so maybe that's why you're on
Every highway just beyond the high-beams
Right beside me in all of my sweet dreams
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you

Sorry for the yucky mush people, but there are days when you just gotta have those!:-)

01 July 2006

Just One of Those Days...

What a crappy day this has been! Wait a minute..it's not just today! Last night sucked as well. And it was not supposed to. See, I had all these plans laid out, these movie tickets, this new dress that I've been dying to wear..it was going to be a fantastic weekend. And then Humpty Dumpty came crashing down on me.

Okay, let's start from the beginning. Last night. Argentina and Germany. It was going to be a terrific match. My team was going to clobber Germany. My team scored. We popped the wine. We cheered. We laughed. I was having fun. Then the enemy scored. A draw! I started praying. Extra time, then the penalty shots. It was no longer fun..just scary. Frantic prayers were sent up. I crossed all my fingers and toes. But life is cruel! And God is not fair (and neither was the referee). And we all know how it ended. The World Cup is officially over for me. The only thing I look forward to now is seeing the Brazilian team bash the Germans.
I fell asleep on the couch in the living room at around 3. 7, I was rudely awakened by cold water spraying all over me and an 'Oh Shit!'. *Well yeah hello world! Good morning to you too!* A bolt of pain shot through my head as I got up from the damp couch. Too much of wine is not good! Staying up late is not good. Staying up late and then getting up early is not good. Waking up on a damp couch - not good either! Anyway, it was D who'd cussed. He'd slipped on the floor and splashed the water on the floor over me. Water on the floor? Yeah, seemed pipe broke or leaked or something while we slept. Anyway, we woke up to a flooded house. It might've been funny if it hadn't been so wet. But it was wet. And messy - good carpet soaked, my leather bag, my favorite cardigan, my socks - I'd strewn them all over the floor. That was not funny. I'll never leave my stuffs lying around again. Ever! Well, maybe I'll still leave them on the bed or the chair, the table, even the fridge but never again on the floor. It was so not funny.
Anyway, I rushed home, downed a couple of aspirin, made myself a hot cup of lemon tea and thought I'd hit the shower. And guess what? That thing called electricity, well, it wasn't there. I waited for a while but it must've been really busy somewhere cause it didn't turn up! But I was running late and couldn't afford to wait too long. Boy, I hate cold showers.
M kept on banging on my door telling me to hurry up cos' we were running late, which by the way I knew perfectly well myself. It was madness all the way to the theatre - rushed through traffic, screaming at the rickshaw driver to hurry up, who hurried, and in the process broke some rules and had other drivers screaming at us, phone rang non-stop, Akshay screaming that the whole world was there and that I was the only one missing. Of course, he could have been exaggerating but it made me feel bad nonetheless. We finally made it through the madness to Prasad's and got out of the rick, only to finally notice that it was a windy day. Bad, bad day to wear skirts. And the way things were going, it was only inevitable that I and M had to be there desperately trying to hold our skirts down while fishing for our purses to pay our very agitated driver and had to waddle instead of sprint, and sprinting was important since the movie had already started. Anyway, I waddled faster than M and hurried up the stairs and saw my angry friends standing outside Ohri's, as promised, glaring at me. Then when I turned back to tell my guest to hurry up, she'd pulled a David Copperfield on me! She was gone, disappeared into thin air, nowhere to be seen! I frantically rushed around looking for her, and then came up with the brilliant idea of calling her. I whipped my cellphone out and guess what? My phone was dead, as useless as a dead butterfly with upside down wings (as the ninja would say). Battery had died out on me! Someone up there either hates me very, very much or was using me as a guinea pig for an experiment He's carrying out to test human patience or something like that. I asked the strangers standing near the entrance who I saw leering at us while we stepped out of our rick and did the skirt holding thing if they'd seen the hot girl who was with hot me, but alas, all answers came back negative. After several moments of waiting, hoping she might apparate out of the popcorn machine and lots of swearing and swearing and ..well, swearing, we finally decided she was just not coming back..bad case of last-minute jitters we figured, walking down that aisle can be pretty unnerving. We walked in just in time to see an old lady dying and Lex Luthor watching over her in a real menacing way. Kevin Spacey's hot by the way.
The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, my headache was gone - big relief! We shopped around a bit after the movie, bought a nice new dress to make up for the bad morning, headed to Fusion 9 for lunch. I love the place for various reasons. Great Italian food, good service etc etc and oh so many good memories! But let's not get into that.
The day was looking up, I was finally starting to enjoy myself, the food was great (the dessert was heavenly!), the conversation interesting. General gossip... fun, enjoyable, bitching about 'some people' but it just wasn't meant to be a good day. As we were getting up to leave, we realised to our horror that 'some people's' friend was sitting on the table right behind ours. Of course, 'some people's' friend acted genuinely surprised to see us. But I'll bet she heard everything. And some people are gonna hate us.
Next stop was a long, evening walk at KBR park, then for some sinful ice cream sundaes at Melting Moments and we finally decided to call it a day.
'All's well that ends well' I told myself as I walked into my room. My room has a plug point and I also have a charger which meant I could revive my useless phone and call M. Dialled her number, it rang twice and then before I could even say a word, I heard her - 'Jerusha, I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN! I have never known anyone like you, I hate you!'
Hello?? I thought I was the one who's supposed to be angry here.
Anyway, I'll admit I almost said sorry. But I stopped myself just in time. Why the hell should I? If she likes disappearing acts so much, then that's not my fault. I don't really remember much of what I said, just that I did not say sorry and hung up on her. An hour later, she called back and told me she was on a plane to Mumbai and that she'll be back after a couple of days. Now that's funny. I thought she was broke. She told me she was. Who the hell paid for those expensive plane tickets?? She probably lied. Or maybe not.
And now I'm sitting here, mud pack on my face, hair messy, feeling bad about myself. Which I'm going to stop right now. Because I didn't do anything wrong.
Or did I?