11 September 2007

Trying not to burn

They never tell you truth is subjective, they only tell you not to lie
They never tell you there's strength in vulnerability, they only tell you not to cry
They never tell you you don't need to be ashamed, they only tell you to deny
...So is it true that only good girls go to heaven?


(Something Else - Gary Jules)

I can be strong too even when I cry. I don't need to be ashamed of anything. I'm not responsible for the genes I inherited. I've never been that kind of good, but I can try not to burn.

I'm trying to embrace the truth of who I am, what I am, not always easy but I don't hate myself. I may have momentary lapses of self-loathing and shame, but that's about all. But I do tend to stray.

Can I get away with just facing and embracing simpler truths like Shirley's vertical milwaukee portable saw trax and men with fur balls down their throats? Or maybe even Mongolian Death Worms or Bryukhonenko's living severed dog head...? They are so much more easier....

.

10 comments:

Nags said...

hmmmm.. i am following the "i dont really care what u think cuz ia m grown up enuf to feel guilty about my mistakes, thank you very much" attitude. and it works!

about not looking forward to weekends. hmm.. i was there once too. its scary but its fun to wait for the weekend and then wait for the weekdays and then wait for the weekend and then.. (you get the drift!)

sigh..

mnowluck said...

I tried not to burn myself up on weekdays and try to burn up myself partying on weekends, but my plans, My schedule, my diary, my routineturns topsy-turvy!! :P

Macabreday said...

maybe u have heard this song..."good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go everywhere"............so hey...maybe thats something positive

Almost Unreal said...

"I can be strong too even when I cry...

I dont cry but I am weak

Jerusha said...

nags - I've tried and followed so many types of attitudes, and being a multiple-faced true Geminian, I can carry a lot of them off. Well I used to, not anymore. But I lack the depth to make any of them stick. Or follow them out to the end. It tires me sometimes, I can't abide by rules, I revel in breaking them :) And then those 'momentary lapses' I talked about, I feel rotten, not frequently but I do feel rotten once in a while and I'd wish I was good and boring :D

And that weekend thing you just described, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Not so bad, lots of days to look forward to that way!

Jerusha said...

mnow - why restrict partying only to weekends? I've never understood that concept. I think I work better the day after a good night out. Try partying on a Monday night, it's fun.

mac - :-) you're right. I used to like that line! So yeah, it's not all negative I guess..

Jerusha said...

unreal - you've never been weak. And I don't mean just the not-crying part, it's true I've never seen you cry :-) but I somehow still view that as strength.

sawmpuia said...

boys don't cry but gentleman do :-) so I... lolz Nice to be me. yeah! so encouraging. The feeling that we have makes us human- imperfection, anger, tears. I believe these are the ingredients of life and also the value of life. Without which life will be meaningless. Short post but smart :-)

Jerusha said...

sawmpui - must be all that hanging out with you guys that I do, some of that smartness must've rubbed off on my writing :P

I'm not so bothered about the tears/any emotions than I am about what causes them..

Mystique said...

Never hold back those damned tears..cry your heart out and empty your heart for better things ...makes you tougher each time you do, after all 'tough times never last but tough people do.....'I cry all the time you know me...