17 December 2007

Why I smile so much

During my entire life as a kid, I never even in my wildest dream thought that I would ever get to see any place outside of Mizoram. There were rich kids in school who had been to Silchar, Calcutta, and some even to Bombay and Pune! And kids with 'rich' relatives who'd bring them gifts from Madras, Guwahati, and Kathmandu - fancy pencil boxes, tiffin boxes, pretty pencils, and erasers. I thought them the luckiest people on earth.

I read a lot, books were a way of living a life I never thought I would get to live. Because traveling and owning fancy things was for kids with wealthy parents. So all I ever did in school was look on with envy. And read, and wrote, and dreamt. And slept with National Geographic magazines with their tauntingly beautiful pictures of the world.

I remember the day I first saw the Taj Mahal...how I was thinking back on those school days, and how happy I was for the fact that I'd finally been to some places outside of Mizoram and even get to see something like the Taj Mahal.

When I passed out of college with a Bachelor's degree, my only dream was to get my Masters. Zoology was one of the very few things I was really good at, and it was all I wanted to do. Then my mom said no. With 3 other siblings in college, it simply wasn't possible, there just wasn't money for it. I cried and she told me God will have other things for me to make up for the education we couldn't afford. But I hated her and I hated God, and I cried for months.

I don't know how things turned out this way. I know prayers are answered, but I never asked for all these. It's been a dream, living has been a dream -

I have eaten food that I've only read about and seen in books and on TV....
Drank exquisite wine and champagne that I thought only the rich drank...
I have seen and touched animals that I thought lived only on 'Animal Planet' in my world...
Now I know what kangaroo meat and crocodile meat tastes like :D
I know how it feels to dive into the ocean and jump out of a plane and freefall thousands of feet up in the sky...
I have met people I read about in books and saw on TV....
I have done things I have only secretly dreamt about, and things I didn't even know about to dream about them...
I found out America isn't really sprinkled with gold dust and that people in fact do take off their shoes before climbing into bed :-)
I also found out neither America nor Australia is filled with 'racists who don't treat us third world citizens as human beings' like I've often been told. They're full of kind, wonderful people...
I have lived in a luxury apartment in the tallest residential building in the city, swam in the highest indoor pool in the southern hemisphere...

All these superlatives and me, I joke about it to my old friends and family and it makes us laugh. But when I sit and think about it, the wonder of it all astounds me. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if everything's real - right down to the bed I'm sleeping on. I mean really wonder, not just as a figure of speech. It may not be a lot for many people, but for someone who never had anything, everything I do, eat, buy, every new place that I see, they're all a miracle to me. And more so to my family.

When I saw the Taj Mahal, I thought "Now that I've seen at least one of the seven wonders of the world, I can die in peace now if I were to die!" But now that I know how many possibilities are in this world even for poor kids and poor people, I just don't want to die at all. I want to live and explore this possibility. I want to keep living and see what other wonderful things life has to offer.

Australia has been a dream. And now I'm finally heading back towards the truest dream of all - Mizoram.

...where I rambled as a child
Makes me cry and makes me laugh
My reflections on the past
And the family, friends, and faith that shaped my life

It makes no difference just how far I roam
I still cling to that part that is so dear to my heart
My faith in God and memories of home -

The mountain angels sing

A bittersweet refrain of my Smokey Mountain Home!

Merry Christmas everyone! I wish everyone has the best Christmas this year, better than any that they've ever had, I wish everyone could be happy, and satisfied...

24 comments:

Nags said...

that was beautiful :)

very apt in my case too :)

Jerusha said...

nags - I have to say this - I like you more with each comment that reveals more about you :-)

mnowluck said...

merry Christmas ka U.

(Hetah vai trong in ka lo wish lo mai ang aw :D)

Yeah!You've been blessed. I envy ya :).

Macabreday said...

dang.. i dont think i would have phrased this any different. I remember as a kid, looking enviously at the so called rich uncles and cousins who visited us frm gulf and america. As a kid of a man-of-the-cloth, i thought that my life would be moving from one dull parish to another. I never thought i would break beyond my autocthony, but look where i am. I am grateful, but yet, at times, i take it all for granted.

and merry xmas ..!!

sawmpuia said...

Ramfangazaui ka ti dawn che, engtik maw lo hawn dawn? parthi department information pek a ngai a :-)

illusionaire said...

sniff sniff... What an inspirational post!!!! I am definitely making this the post of the week at misual.com. Truly touching and poignant, my dear, Definitely one of your bestestests! :)

3d said...

NICE...

Shahnaz Kimi said...

You just wrote out my thoughts loud, and I can compare many of your experiences with mine. A beautiful life indeed and it is humbling to count our blessings. Merry Christmas to you and your family. God Bless...

Anonymous said...

Even though I dont know you, I am very proud of you. There may be many of us who can say that we have seen the good life ( as compared to our earlier lives in Mizoram ) but the fact that you did it all on your own is why I am proud of you. Not like me ( and others) who did it with some help from our parents and spouse.

You go, girl!

Chaoticserenity said...

That was one of the best posts I've read in recent times. Thanks and God Bless. Have a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Jerusha said...

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. Kim, post of the week? Am mightily flattered, thank you muchos muchos!

Thank you all for your wishes. A very beautiful Christmas to all of you!

azassk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
azassk said...

nice to read!ka lung ati leng i thil post hian krismas a hnai tawh bawk si..Amak ani mihring nun hi! min beiseina a neih phawta tumna a awm chuan thil tih theihloh a awm lo ta ve ang! Hringnun hi aw ka hmang tam ve tial tial nuihna leh tahna inkar anih zia leh hringnun hi mahni zel a hmachhawn a lo ngai ani tih hi Zoram pawn a ka awm ve tak hnu hian achiang leh zualin ka hria. Naupan lai rilru leh tlangval hnu a(nula chu ka hre ve lova:-) rilru leh kan duhthusam in an loh tak zia te hi haw..

Merry Christmas to You and have a fun and more fun in Aizawl:-)

CoNfUsEd said...

hey, I have to admit, I have no clue how I missed reading your blog for soooo long! This post is probably the most touching piece I've read in a very very long time!

apatea said...

I hope im not too late to comment :-)

1st, I've always wanted to write like this. Its not perfect, its Excellent.
2nd, Knowing that whatever happened in this story is real, im so happy for you. We'd never dream of seeing you like this beck those days.
What can i say, you've got it girl.
But hey, remember the Lord who gave you life. Cherish Life
Merry christmas!!

Jinx said...

I can truly identify myself with your post. Same feeling here.
It's already a blessing in itself to be able to acknowledge and be thankful for the blessings we receive abundantly.
Merry Christmas!

jinghani said...

wonderful
made me think
smile
and
gave me a little sensual shiver

Hugely inspirational.
I thank you....

claytonia vices said...

Hey, hope you had a wonderful christmas! Quite a moving post that!

The Penny Lane said...

Is it weird if i say I am proud of you?
What the hell, I am so proud of you!!!
:)

Jerusha said...

Thanks all. I'm truly touched by your comments, I think I should stop listening to you all though, I can feel my head inflating :)

dultea said...

Mike Tyson chu va ziak thiam ve

Jerusha said...

chuti mi mike tyson zawk?

Anonymous said...

beautifully done... youre lucky and blessed, but the things we need the most are for free and sometimes we tend to look somewhere in search of it.i sure would like to go those places you`ve been.. yeah but you`r goin home to paradise :-)

Jerusha said...

anonymous - so true. I look a lot, and majority of the time I think I always look in the wrong places, and do it the wrong way. I'm still doing it, it's never clear, always clearer in retrospect, but yeah, the 1% thing done right is still worth living for.