24 March 2009

Wedding Bells again - not mine again

My little sister is getting married - more blog posts to be made about that, but I'm saving that for the coveted rare Mizo post.

I'm glad for my sister. The guy she's marrying is someone I genuinely like, so no issues there. BUT...can you imagine what it's going to be like for poor "old" me when I go home for the wedding? The pressure and the annoying jokes I'm going to have to face...I dread it. I wish I can not go, I wish I can stay here and send them a nice present and call them on their wedding day to congratulate them. But my little sister is getting married, and I really really want to be there on her special day...

I feel bad that my mom worries about me not 'having a man around to take care of me.' But I don't get why she worries. All my life, for as long as I can remember, I've always been taught that the ultimate aim of Jerusha as a person is to be an individual who will always take care of herself no matter what. Men may die, fathers may pass away, husbands may leave, and you never know when you'll have to stand on your own.

Well they was what I was taught, and now all of a sudden here she is, breaking my heart because I sadden her by being single. 'If I were to die, I'd feel better if I you had a husband to take care of you' she says. I feel bad that she feels bad even if currently I don't think I can have a life any better than I have it now.

But brash people who don't know how not to poke their noses into people's personal lives, or people who genuinely care will say things that hurt me. And I will leave Mizoram with crushed confidence like I always do. It's going to be ugly. Don't get me wrong, it's going to be a beautiful day, but it's going to be ugly for me.

Why can't people understand that people's lives and thoughts are their own and that it's rude to pry or offer too many advices? Or that some people want to be crazy in love with the person before they decide to marry them and not just get married to a socially acceptable person just because they feel they have to get married? And that not everyone buckles under pressure?

And sometimes people do meet people that they do fall crazily in love with but there are things that stands in your way and marriage is just out of the question. It would be so unfair to get married - unfair on me, and unfair for whoever the man is that I marry. Imagine lying in bed with someone who is your husband and thinking about some other man every night! It's going to feel like committing adultery every night. And what's worse, I'm not even sure towards whom my guilt would lie - towards my husband for thinking of another man or to the someone you keep thinking of for having sex with my 'husband.' It's just unthinkable!

18 comments:

luliana said...

rite..i do feel sorry for all the nula seniors..why don't people just mind their own business..

Ka ngaihtuah chet chet hian inneih hi ka hlau :D

and congrats to ur 'lil sis

azassk said...

a la hma ltk hmahmawh suh,a hun a lo thleng ang a,ila ti ve mai ang:) tak2 a mahni in la tih ve loh pawn mi inneih tala kal hi nuam ve alom le

Almost Unreal said...

oiii..ka huphurh pui che...kei poh phone ah ringot poh in norna hi a nasa toh a nia..lolz

haw ve chu chakom khupss mai

virgochhas said...

Es-i maw?...a va lawmawm ve....min lo congratulate sak don nia...and my best wishes to them...

whoz the lucky guy?...kan hmelhriat ve te a ni em?

engtik ah nge an inneih don?

Charsut kha i lo phawi theihnghilh ang e...mizo soisel peih ek-dok ho in "phai ah awm reng a, Mizo dan leh dun poh hre lo an lo ti vel pal ang che"... :)

Varte said...

Kan in ang.. I nau tu zawk nge?

Hmanah khan Pasal i nei amaw ka ti tak tak a, i lo la nei hauh si lo a!!!!

Jerusha said...

lulian - Sawi suh ka hlau bawnra hahah a atthlak angreng bawk sia. Nia nula senior ho hi kan dinhmun hi mahni duhthlanna thil mah nise buaithlak ve thei khawp ania.

zars - Nia tiro, ruai han theh leh ten ten phawt ila ni mai :D

unaunu - huphurh awm dan chu sawi ngaihna a awm lo. A ninawm mood chhiat leh hlurh a ngai dawn ka peih lo lawk.

Jerusha said...

Virg - nope, not Esther! :D Naute ber in min neih khalh ve ve dawn. Ani hi chu Delhi leh chhehvel lam a tla vak lo a I hriat pawh ak ring lo, Kolasib tlangval ani e. Charsut chu han phawi chiang viau ang :)

varte - Ka nau naupang ber kha ania nei dawn chu. Pasal nei emaw hi mi hian min ti fo mai a, tihian fa nei ta ringawt ila tuman sawn an pawhin an ngai lo ang a :P

vana said...

Pressure a sang awm ve o. Thianpa theme chhawp chhuak lok teng "im single, sexy & free" upat lamah pawh a la ti fan a nia. Singledom hi a nuam luttuk a, kei chu ka hre thiam khop mai che u. Nula senir hi an ti hma luttuk a kan society hian. Tawnhriat ngah hi an tha

aduhi said...

My younger bro got married in Jan, and trust me, it made me feel positively ancient. And of course there were the unfunny jokes and the veiled questions. Nang chu i nau hmeichhia a nia a la zia deuh anih chu, "U nula senior khirh deuh" title kha i la tlansan rih a. And suddenly everyone was so young. The guys who came to help out were all like boys I knew since the day they were born, I even remember some of their parents' wedding. But I got through it, and it was beautiful, though it made me miss the old carefree days a bit. Don't worry too much, you too will get over it, it will be a wonderful day, and you will have a great time.

Evangeline said...

Kei poh in lam haw hi chu ka huphurh toh ngoih ngoih.. I have not faced too much pressure from the family but society looks at me like a freak, its sad.. Zompuii chu ka lompui khop mai, hope they are happy :)

Macabreday said...

i hear ya...!!
my younger bro....4 years younger to me got married last jan...!! so yea, totally relate to you..!

Jerusha said...

vana - pressure hi chu tih nawk nawk theih mai. Mi pressure tu te chu chhungte an ni tlangpui, hriatchian pawh ni lo lo uang vel tur hi lawm ka peih loh chu..

aduh - :) I certainly hope so! In any case, it's not my day, it's hers. So I will make sure ALL attention is on her, and not on me or my unmarried-ness. I hear you about the nula senior khirh. Khirh tak tak emaw tak tak lo emaw, an duh ai a senior chuan min ngai khirh nghal rup mai a. That's why it's safe to stay away, so I don't scare off my siblings' dates and ruin all their prospecxts lol

Jerusha said...

Eva - buai tawh lo ang helam chu ninawm. Kan retirement home tur leh car tur lam ah khan in concen zom ila a fel nvek ani mai :)

Mac - et tu? Suddenly I don't feel so alone anymore :)

mesjay said...

A guy friend of mine used to be so pressurised to get married, he retorted "I don't consider being married as the greatest achievement!" A good marriage is good but a bad one is worse than no marriage. Don't worry, look for the right guy and marry him at the right time.

virgochhas said...

oooowww...i nau duat em em b'lore a mi funny deuh, i nu fiam peih deuh Zompuii kha maw...

Congrats once more...

hmeichhia in pasal kan neih hi chuan mi ta kan ni tawh a, a chhungte kalsan in a pasal a vuan tur a ni, tih a ni sia..thil hi a dang deuh hru tawh mai a sin

i nu nen in lunglen awm mang e...will leh es-i pawh...

Joe said...

U Mami, Maenga paw'n min neih khalh tho alawm... Hamnhmawh thlak loh em mai! Hehe! U William-a a la awm bawk a... No Worries! Keipawh ngun taka ka ngaihtuah hian nupui neih hi ka chak thawt lo. Mahse, Pathian thu thu ania. Hun a tih hunah te chuan min la pe ve em ang chu maw... Zawmpuii chu ka lawmpui khawp mai! Ka pi Hriati erawh a khawhar deuh dawn naa.

Jerusha said...

mes - haha that's very much like my favorite retort! I always tell them the people I admire were single! That's exactly it - some people treat it like an achievement. An embarrassment you have to get rid of, if one has that feeling it's good for them to get married. There are some who don't view it that way. I don't think bad about it, and in the same way, nothing particularly good either. No hurry :)

Virg - Nia a pasal nei chu a ti ve ngawt a, mi in ah a ni tawh dawn sia, thlahrang hlau re re sawi ngam si loin a awm ang a ainti rethei ani mai. Ka nu in a ngai nasa dawn a chu ber chu buaithlak.

Joe - Ni chiah e, Pathian thu ania. keimah lamah chuan all good. Mi lo tawng leh tur sek hi lawm ka nin chu, nang chu mipa I la ni tal a zia deuh lawm :P

elvy Leivang said...

I don't see any as to the reason why the mizo community is so obsessed with this whole 'getting married' thing. why would people want to make a big fuss if one's intend to remain single, i bet there are a whole slue of people in other countries as well. And as for jerusa, do remember that I'm going to to be bride's maid on your sister's wedding....lolz