30 May 2007

Why I Hate Being Single

I just have to write this. Last straw. Enough’s enough. Work will be pushed aside for an hour or so while I rant and rave.

irst point to note: I don’t. That is, when people keep their mouths shut or when I can close my ears to the mean supposed-to-be-funny but nowhere even close and 'not even really meant to be funny anyway in the first place' comments from wide-trapped people.

If there's anything I hate about it, it's smartass comments about singledom.

As I've admitted before, I have nothing against men. I like them, they smell good and they have nice arms and hands. It feels good to have one around. It is good to be held and kissed. It is good to know that there's someone who's gonna take you to the movies and hold your hand over the dinner table. It's especially good when that person holding your hand is someone you like so much that it doesn't matter what's on your plate. He has the power to turn every food into ambrosia. It's good to have someone for all that. But that is not everything in life.

Sometimes you’ll fall in love, relationships go bad, and sometimes you’ll be single and sometimes not. It’s not a necessity to constantly have someone just for the sake of not being single, to have someone to prove to other people that you’re wanted. I guess when I grow older and I get lonely and needy, I might possibly get that way. But not now. I’m not that lonely or needy just yet.

What is it about being single that is so revolting that that fact alone should automatically render you as ‘hopeless’ in other people’s eyes. Why am I ‘hopeless’ just because I don’t have a boyfriend currently? I'm pretty good with some things. Hey, I just got a promotion, my second one in two years! Doesn't that count for something? No? I'm still hopeless because I don't have a boyfriend right? NO! Not right. I give a rat's ass. And I will have a boyfriend when someone right comes along again. I won’t have one just because you think I’m hopeless because I’m without one.

Whether, why, why not, when, who, and how and why we chose to date/marry is a personal, private issue, and in the same way that the inadequate size of your private parts is a private matter and I don’t and won’t joke about it, I would be very happy if you stop asking me why I am not married, tell me that my boyfriend (er..'ex-boyfriend) looks like he should be my dad, or that I am a ‘helpless’ single female.

I certainly don’t see myself as helpless – in any way.

Forget single women. It takes courage to be single :D. What about people who can never seem to be happy on their own? To complete their image, to complete their incomplete selves, they will constantly be hanging on the arms of other people, and one lover gone means find another one fast before your lungs burst because you can't breathe on your own. It’s pathetic that how pretty your girlfriend is should determine how confident you’re going to be around people. But is it because you can’t help it since you have none of your own?

And people who make rude jokes about poor little lost helpless girls should also know that yes, it is possible that we don’t have the same priorities as you do. At this point in my life, I’d be happier with a year or two of being single and a couple of juicy projects awarded to me at work. Maybe that way I’ll work out a promotion or two while you go work out several dozen girlfriends. And wouldn’t it be nice if we can just say ‘To each his own’ and leave out our biting remarks about each other.

Some people’s only saving grace is the pretty boy/girl they’re with. I guess it’d be understandable for those kinds to always need to have a pretty someone around.

But I'm shamelessly proud. And I believe I'm complete on my own. I don't need anyone to complete my image. I don't think I need a pretty boy to boost a low self-confidence or morale.

…And Why I Like Being Single:

I had many insecurities growing up. And as much as the prospect of facing the world on my own excited me, it scared me. It’s so good to know that I was scared for nothing. Now that I’ve finally outgrown my insecurity, life has never been easier.

I can eat in any restaurant in town and not worry about my boyfriend's wallet.

If I like/want something, I can buy it without having to consult anyone first. Of course, it also helps when one doesn’t have exorbitant tastes:-).

It’s good to be able to sit and plan my own vacation and not have to ask anyone for funds. Also, single rooms are cheaper.

It’s good to be able to walk into a place and be remembered. Funnily, when I go with a date, I’m not as well-remembered. Only when I'm my single, charming self! :P

You can get away with not shaving if you're feeling lazy.

You can go to bed wearing unpretty but verree comfortable underwear.

It’s good to walk into a room and see a cute guy and know that it's possible that he may end up with you or your number or your cold.

If you swear by TLC and you can't live without the attention, be assured that being single doesn't mean you're not going to get any!

So you see, my friends, all in all, it’s not a terribly bad thing to be single. You won't die because of it. Sure, it’s not for everyone. But it is good for people like me.

I like the word ‘Independent.’ I love what it stands for. I like the way it sounds, the way it feels on my tongue. And it doesn't mean I want to be single forever, but being independent means I can chose who, how, when and where. And I understand full well that this is not a lasting phase. I won’t love it this way forever. But I want to enjoy it while I do.

So spare me the drama. I don't see any great tragedy happening yet.


Jason said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Time you get yourself a Boy Friend lady :)

Jason said...

Thanks for posting! Although i am not in the same boat, I can identify with many things you say, especially the insecurities while growing up!

You don't have to be so candid and frank, because even if were sarcastic and satirical, it would still make a great read!

I laughed out loud in the office (and it was not good for me) when i read this Whether, why, why not, when, who, and how and why we chose to date/marry is a personal, private issue, and in the same way that the inadequate size of your private parts is a private matter and I don’t and won’t joke about it, I would be very happy if you stop asking me why I am not married, tell me that my boyfriend (er..'ex-boyfriend) looks like he should be my dad, or that I am a ‘helpless’ single female.

I like the underlying theme behind this post and to me it seems to be - LIFE IS GOOD
which is great :)

Anonymous said...

hi sundancer, such a great read, i loooove it to bits... :-)

it's definitely somthin i can relate to... and lets keep njoyin da plaeaures of bein single...

u go girrrlll!!!

Sundancer said...

anonymous - either you're kidding or you just read the post's title :)

Sundancer said...

jason - I'll keep that part about not being frank in mind. Satire really isn't something I'm too comfortable with. Advices always welcome!

And this is gonna sound soppy, but I truly appreciate you understanding - yes, life IS good! :)

illusionaire said...

There's nothing more poignant than the ramblings of a "single" woman :-)

It's funny you wrote this post which is quite related to my latest post too. And about all the things that singles can do which people in a committed relationship can't, well, to be honest, yes I agree they can't do all that, but the bottomline is, it's all worth it :-)

And hey, there's nothing wrong in being single. Its better than trying to fall in love for the sake of falling in love. Just relax, and there definitely will come a day when you face mister knight in shining armour ready to swoop you off your feet.

Sundancer said...

anonymous - I'm glad you enjoyed the post. And even gladder to see a kindred spirit :)

Sundancer said...

Kim - you're, as always, right. I also never said being in a relationship is never worth it. I was only pointing out that relationships are not the center, cause and being of my existence.
And relaxing is exactly what I intend to do. I don't plan on sweating about it. I'm just worried about all the people who are doin' that for me.

And thanks for the words of encouragement!

illusionaire said...

Anytime dear. Just keep the faith and "it" will happen. The trick is not to look forward to "it" happening. That way, you won't even realize it's taking a long time for the magic to start! ;-)

Jason said...

Yeah i second Kima on that resemblance thing. There is a strong link factor between Kima's post and yours. Funny. Happy that life is good. Thats the way its meant to be. Woo-Hoo!

Macabreday said...

its so difficult to deal with insecurities, isnt it? and whats harder is, we feel insecure because of issues in our past, which we were not responsible for directly...it sure is difficult living with a bunch of insecurities, but its possible...trust me :) LOL

Anonymous said...

sundancer nice one!.....heres a little advice"dont have a boyfriend just because you are lonely".....thats the biggest mistake women make

Sundancer said...

Kim, I really do appreciate the advice, but the whole point of this post is that I don't need a trick. I know it will happen. And it doesn't bother me. And I don't envy anyone's beautiful relationship, because I believe relationships are not what makes or breaks me. I love being in a relationship, everything you said about them being worth it is true. But I'm okay without them too.

And Jason, thanks. And I guess I'll go see Kima's post now and see what all the resemblance is about.

Sundancer said...

mac - that's true, and yes it is difficult, that is why I'd rather be "old" and confident than "young" and scared.

Sundancer said...

anonymous - thank you for the advice. And that's exactly what I've been trying to tell everyone but people just can't accept it, seems like according to most people, there's only one way to be single and that is "depressingly" single. But that's one advice I'm going to cling to because we know better right :P

Anonymous said...

another thing sundancer....i think there are more happy single girls these days....i know a lot of guys who stay in an unhappy relation cos they are afraid to be alone.......u go girl..

3inone said...

Love your attitude. You're right, you know. Falling in love is something that has to happen. You can't force it. To fashion your identity around the fact of being in or love (or not) is never a good idea.yand at the right time time and place, I hope you find that one kindred spirit who does really make the sun shine even on a rainy day.

I linked you

Pixie said...

Loved your post - yes, your sentiments are true and yes, single girls are a happy breed!
I was terribly scared to get married because I was afraid that my freedome would go... But, it didn't and I'm happy for that!
But, being single, independent and the ability to do anything and go anywhere is one of the best phases in life! :)
You go girl and rock the world!! :)

Calliopia said...

Hey your post was published on the second page of The Chronicles in Aizawl this morning under the name of Rema and credited to zoram.com. You might be wanting to hire a lawyer :D

Sundancer said...

J - muchos gracias for the heads up. I'm a little peeved, will follow up more on it!~ :PP (Doesn't matter that I've never really heard of them before.)

Sundancer said...

And thanks everyone - for the advices and everything else. It's so inspiring to know that there are people who thinks I'm doing right! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I completely agree what you wrote here, i am a Mizo girl too, living bu myself and do things by myself. Like you mention, i preferred to be a confident and independent female than someone who always need somebody's shoulder to hang on.

Boyfriend is not the most important thing for me, it can wait, Mizo in a 'upat hnuah pasal neih tur an vang', or comments like 'nula senior', etc. i don't belive and do not agree. The right person will come along at the right time. Like you said, when, where, how or who i will date is my individual choice and individual rights.

Also, our generation have much better 'opportunities' than our mother and aunt's generation, so why not make use of it.

I dont know you but i often read your blog from some other link, i share many of your points. I would like to say you did great and you are.

Sundancer said...

anonymous - thanks! I'm really glad to see so many Mizo girls feel the same way. It used to be that even most of my Mizo girlfriends thought one of life's main priorities is to get married, and one person thinking differently was often teased as 'leng senior dawn' but things are different now, for the better.

Keipawh 'Nula senior' 'neih tur an vang' tih vel te pawh, ka duh lo. Pathiani'n A remruat dan anih chuan a trul leh hun a tih hunah A rawn ti fel mai ang tiraw :-) Chuan lo leng ve ziah dawn nia ka blog ah hian :P

me said...

awi tho I sawi dik bon taw lawl ltksssss...i agree with every bits n pieces of this....go gurlly!!!

Sundancer said...

me - me thanks you! :-)

Anonymous said...

Veree Sweet... Hahah..
Jokes apart, very interesting look at life from one point of the cliff. Keep those words coming...
- apatea

Jerusha said...

apatea - tlai khaw hnu ah..:P

mnowluck said...

Its raining outside, so i'm stuck here in this room. Have nothing to do so i just end up Pulling ur archives. I've read this before and it make me laugh that time too but i left no comment!!!

Today as i re-read ur post this line It’s good to walk into a room and see a cute guy and know that it's possible that he may end up with you or your number or your cold... i can't help myself from crying.. lolzz!!!

Jerusha said...

mnow - nang pawh nula trangin hritlang kai ve nual tawh kha :)