Prozac My Mind

I read somewhere that depression is the result of negative thoughts. In order to have peace and attain that much revered, much sought-after state of a much, much, wayyy higher level of consciousness, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says one must push all negative thoughts out of one's mind. (Note: It may have been someone else who said that but I like his name and insist on inserting it somewhere on this post!).

Hatred in your heart gives you nightmares and I want to have good dreams. So here I am attempting to drive all evil thoughts from my evil mind. And the first step towards ridding oneself of negative thoughts within oneself is to identify all negative thoughts within oneself. Some seemingly benign thoughts may not be so benign after all, if you give it deeper thought. (There! Caught my first negative thought. 'Deeper thought' is negative, because it only leads you to more negatives.)

For everyone's better understanding, I will hereby provide an example: You are in love. Now love is a good and positive emotion. Nothing wrong with feeling love. And you go about feeling the love, thinking you've got it good. And then Deeper Thought steps in, and with its red pointy shoes give you a hard jab in the groins, shouting 'Love not thy neighbor's husband as thou love thine own!' You'd never have realized on your own that you were standing on the edge of wallowing in adulterous sin.

Okay, enough of examples. Here is what I've found and what I intend to do regarding my negative thoughts so I may one day be eternally and obnoxiously chirpy and gay. I believe it will turn me into a pain in the ass for the unlucky people who will be lucky enough to partake of my chirpiness, but I will reap the benefits. I will radiate sunshine, warmth and cloying, overdone laughter. I will dream of fluffy baby blankets and rolling green meadows littered with rose petals when I sleep. I will play on huge cumulus clouds and slide down rainbows and fall into the pot of gold at the end and never get a scratch.

...and what's more, I will walk away from the pot of gold after grabbing only a handful of gold because all the greed and want and worldly desires will be beyond me :-). I will have turned my back on the strife and the demoniacal, endless rat race of this earth.

And I want all this because I know now that the reward cheese is only an illusion to make you stay in the race until you drop dead, the cheese even more farther away from your grasp than when you began.

'Keep a logbook. Jot down your thoughts. Write down happenings of the day. Were they positive, appropriate and adequate or were they confused, superfluous and negative?' Bhatnagar

Accordingly, in accordance with Mr. Bhatnagar's suggestion, this blog, which also serves as journal, logbook, excuse or whatever the requirement of the moment is, will henceforth serve as mine own logbook. And I hereby, am going to jot, mark, JOT, not write - all negative thoughts that have passed through this sinful head of mine since I awoke this blessed morn'.

Hmmmm....Okay, here goes:

1. Extreme hatred for Victoria Beckham - The Haughty, Hawkish Horror.
Negative thoughts partly cousin Unreal's fault. Keeps sending me links to pages with pics of the woman who is carved in stone. And each time I see a picture of hers, I hate her more.

Never smiles. Never emotes at all. Well, that's not entirely true. Facial and body expressions do reflect extreme pride and snobbery.

She's not beautiful (in my eyes at least).
She can't sing.
There's nothing that she's really good at (...that's admirable that is. Looking waxen doesn't count.)

Petty stuffs really. But I can't help it. I look at her and I just hate her.

2. The way how this can change from this :

to this:
Just depressing.

(Jani, I still love you though. Am not going to forget all those times I spent staring at my TV screen of you singing 'Heaven, ' awed that God can create such a perfect human being. And that wink at the end of the song! That killed me every time! Still does..)

3. Distaste for all actresses who are bent on spoiling good movies by wanting to show off cleavages, breasts, part of breasts, part of whatever assets they have all the time. For example, in the middle of war-torn Africa where people are dying and your own life is in danger and people next to you gets shot all the time, and you still leave the top several buttons of your shirt undone to enticingly show off parts of flesh that belongs to boobs. Hoping to go down in history as the next sex goddess?

Or Eva Mendes wearing those extremely small shirts that are so tight you have to wonder how she put them on in the first place in each and every movie that she's in. And yeah, too tight you can't button the top FIVE buttons (Am I seeing a repetition here?). And therefore, you show off extremely bubbly breasts, which look like they're about to simmer and froth and bubble over, out and over the front of your shirt - all with the aid of a good push-up bra.

I like Eva though. Despite those annoying shirts. I just wish she'd change now and then. She looks and dresses the same in all her movies. I, however, do NOT care if I never set eyes on either Vics or Connelly ever again.

Still pretty early. 12:25 to be exact. Been awake for exactly 5 hours and 25 minutes. First two hours spent in a daze because of the wallop my alarm clock gave me. Haven't had time to think too many negative thoughts.

I think the day that I die, it would be a good thing for me to die before noon. I'm still pretty human in the mornings, I still have some good left in me. Afternoons, I start to go down. By nightfall, I connive, I con, I detest, despise, I lech, I malign until I froth at the mouth and pass out in an overdose of bad thoughts/actions.

'Imagine a strong sun radiating a powerful light. Use this mental sunshine to kill your negative, undesirable thoughts, emotions and images as and when these are detected. ' - Bhatnagar

Now that will give me something to do. I spend so much time inside I've forgotten what the sun looks like. And I'm guessing it's gonna take pretty much of the entire day for me to imagine it actually radiating. And a powerful light at that!

All Evil and Dirty Thoughts, go forth and leave me alone! Sexily evil people can stay...

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT depressed nor do I have 'a pessimistic sense of inadequacy or a despondent lack of activity.' I am not overly gleeful or overjoyed, but I have not seen Depression rear its ugly head. This post is more about trying to be happier/more cheerful/peaceful than I am now. In one word - betterment. Just because I took breathing lessons doesn't mean I stopped breathing!