21 May 2010

These Foolish Things

Why does life have so many moments that you want to bury 6 feet under the ground and never enough moments that makes you swell with pride so much so that you want to frame it and keep it for everyone to see? :( When I look back on my life, the recent or not so recent past, there are so many things that make me cringe in shame and embarrassment or guilt. Like right now, I can think off the top of my head of several things I so wish I hadn't done, such as -

* Dancing on the table a few nights back when we were celebrating Matt's birthday at the Hard Rock. I'm glad my friends get as foolish as I do and join me on the table when I ask them to :)

* I sang 'It's raining men' at the top of my voice with Rashi on karaoke for Juvita's farewell party last night. Totally fun, I swear everyone in the place danced when we sang. But still, I wish I had let Rashi sing on her own.

* Missing an ex terribly and conjuring up and getting lost in 730 days worth of memory just because I saw him glowing online for 10 seconds.

* I sent a ranting, anger-filled text message to someone who was merely drunk or stupid in the middle of the night last night. I wish I'd handled that better. Some people can't help it if they can't understand that their jokes might hurt someone :P

* Sending curt and rude emails to my boss almost on a daily basis.

* My mom thinks skydiving, scuba-diving, jungle surfing were really really stupid things to do. She thinks it was crazy and reckless of me to have risked my life unnecessarily for unimportant things like that. She may be right.

And many more. And you know, the worse ones, the type that really tortures you are the ones you never want to talk about, forget posting about it.

So yeah, that's me. I'm always too loud, I always laugh too much and too loudly, and I definitely talk too much. And I love to dance and sing, and it is very easy for me to go overboard with both, and I should check myself but I never do.

The worst part in all of these is that if I lived my life all over again, I think I would still dance on the table, or do my karaoke thingies, or go skydiving, or laugh too loudly. I can't think of a 'me' without all of these, I just wouldn't be me. Now I'm really starting to understand what it means to 'try to learn to truly love yourself' because I'm going to try and accept all of these about myself, and that is quite a challenge.

Good luck to myself!



ku2 said...

I live vicariously through you! I wish Im the one doing a table-top karaoke..and dont get me started on the skydiving and scuba diving..*sigh* I'm happy with my life, but always there's the madcap within me who's so envious of your lifestyle..'Foolish', maybe, but these moments are what makes life so worth living for- pushing your boundaries et al.. Have more foolish moments! :D

Sekibuhchhuak said...

"Ani chu a bula awm anuam ania" an ti ang chi kha i nih dawn hi ! :-)

scuba-diving hi chu, au khek chiah hi kan hlawkna niin ka hria :-P

nancy said...

One thing that came to my mind when i read this post is that - You've lived your life. Lucky you :)

Jerusha said...

Ku2 - haha I'll try to have my signature foolish moments more so that I can continue to amuse people who manage to remain unfoolish unlike me :(( And if you want some 'how to be foolish' advice, you know who to talk to :P

Seki - hehe ka scuba diving kha chu tui ka lem hnem hle tih chauh chiang takin ka hria..Ka hlau khawp mai kha chu. Mahse if I had a chance, ka ttrum leh nghal ang :)

Nance - I'm glad to see people appreciate foolishness as much as I do! May you have a long foolish life ahead of you :)