Where's Freud when you need him?!

Waaahh! I am sooo scared!! And I'm not being a cry baby, this is really, truly frightening!

One night last week, I had a dream about being in an airplane with my friends. And it was a happy dream, we were having fun and then it was suddenly night, everything was dark and as I looked out the window, I saw the wing was on fire, and then there was fire inside, and the plane was veering off in some weird angle and I knew I was going to die in a plane crash and I was filled with such intense fear it woke me up, and I woke up with my heart pounding.

The dream made me a bit uncomfortable, but I put it down to me being over excited about our upcoming Japan trip and went back to sleep and didn't think much about it the next day.

Then this Saturday morning, I had another disturbing dream. I have this stalker who gives me missed calls at odd hours. This Saturday morning he picked 5:30-ish to give me a call and woke me up. I got up, went to the bathroom, and got back into bed and almost immediately fell asleep again. And dreamt.

I was again in a plane with my friends, cheerful, lots of chatter, lots of laughing. As we were taking off, the plane instead of climbing higher started to go down, and we thought we were landing again for some reason so we were all a little scared but we were all like "Oh lucky they found something was wrong before we were too high up in the air. Now we can still land and they'll fix it and we'll be okay."

But as we were landing, the plane was skidding all over the place and it was shaking and rattling and we were just going faster and faster..And I was looking out the window I knew the plane was crashing and I was going to die and I was thinking "Oh my god! I am really going to die in a plane crash!"

And that's all I remember. It just stopped there and I woke up, but I woke up feeling not quite right because the dream was so vivid I was still feeling considerably shaken. Going back to sleep was out of the question so I got up, made myself a cup of tea and watched TV for a few minutes (National Geographic, not the news unfortunately). However, I still couldn't concentrate, I was feeling so restless for no apparent reason I turned off the TV and got my laptop and logged on to check my mail and read the news.

And then that's when I found out that earlier on in the morning, more or less around the time I had the dream, a plane had crashed in Mangalore and almost everyone on board had died.

I believe I had some sort of premonition about the Mangalore crash for whatever reason . Or maybe when the plane was crashing, those poor people inside, their fear was so intense it pervaded the atmosphere, and there I was sleeping, mind free and receptive - radar open technically - and I picked up on the strong emotions in the air?

But whatever, I'm totally freaked out over my Japan trip now as well. I've never ever even remotely been afraid of flying, but now I don't think I'm going to feel confident about stepping inside an airplane. And such a long journey at that :((

I used to have these dream things a lot when I was a kid. Mostly little things, like dreaming about finding a five rupee note near my school gate, and I would find it the next day in the spot that I dreamed about, or dropping my shiny new pencil box and it breaking into pieces and the next day my pencil box falls and breaks into pieces. I was always dreaming clear, vivid dreams, my sisters would kiddingly call me 'Mangnei-i' because every morning I would wake up and say 'I had this dream..' 'I saw this in my dream..' bla bla

And then when I was 17, I dreamt about someone's death. I don't even want to talk about this much it was a very very disturbing incident. And it scared me so much I used to pray every night before I sleep and ask God to not let me have dreams after that. And it's stopped since then.

Well that's all. It's all been so weird and strange I just feel like writing it down. You know something else that's been making me really uncomfortable? I was in the kitchen and the TV was on about the crash, I think they were talking about the top 7 worst airplane disasters or something like that. I could only get snippets, and finally I was done cooking and I went and sat in front of the TV - just when the reporter said "The number one deadliest air crash was in 1985 when a Japan Airlines plane traveling from Tokyo to Osaka..."

It's true I'm excited about going to Japan, but I've been to other places that I was more excited about and I never dream about it this way. I don't have any fear of flying, I can't think of any reason why I would dream such things, I don't know what in my life could trigger my sub-conscious to bring up these things in my dream. Maybe I'm just really psychic.

These Foolish Things

Why does life have so many moments that you want to bury 6 feet under the ground and never enough moments that makes you swell with pride so much so that you want to frame it and keep it for everyone to see? :( When I look back on my life, the recent or not so recent past, there are so many things that make me cringe in shame and embarrassment or guilt. Like right now, I can think off the top of my head of several things I so wish I hadn't done, such as -

* Dancing on the table a few nights back when we were celebrating Matt's birthday at the Hard Rock. I'm glad my friends get as foolish as I do and join me on the table when I ask them to :)

* I sang 'It's raining men' at the top of my voice with Rashi on karaoke for Juvita's farewell party last night. Totally fun, I swear everyone in the place danced when we sang. But still, I wish I had let Rashi sing on her own.

* Missing an ex terribly and conjuring up and getting lost in 730 days worth of memory just because I saw him glowing online for 10 seconds.

* I sent a ranting, anger-filled text message to someone who was merely drunk or stupid in the middle of the night last night. I wish I'd handled that better. Some people can't help it if they can't understand that their jokes might hurt someone :P

* Sending curt and rude emails to my boss almost on a daily basis.

* My mom thinks skydiving, scuba-diving, jungle surfing were really really stupid things to do. She thinks it was crazy and reckless of me to have risked my life unnecessarily for unimportant things like that. She may be right.

And many more. And you know, the worse ones, the type that really tortures you are the ones you never want to talk about, forget posting about it.

So yeah, that's me. I'm always too loud, I always laugh too much and too loudly, and I definitely talk too much. And I love to dance and sing, and it is very easy for me to go overboard with both, and I should check myself but I never do.

The worst part in all of these is that if I lived my life all over again, I think I would still dance on the table, or do my karaoke thingies, or go skydiving, or laugh too loudly. I can't think of a 'me' without all of these, I just wouldn't be me. Now I'm really starting to understand what it means to 'try to learn to truly love yourself' because I'm going to try and accept all of these about myself, and that is quite a challenge.

Good luck to myself!

:-)

Thil eng eng emaw sawi mai mai teh ang

Promotion ka hmu ve leh ta! He company a kum 4 leh a chanve vel ka thawh chhung a ka promotion hmuh vawi 4 na ani ta.

Tunah chuan corporate world ah kum 7 dawn ka lo awm ve tawh der mai. Kum 7 hi naupan lai khan an rei tehreng nen tunah chuan a tawi ta hle mai! Hriat loh hlan in a lo zo duak mai a, ngaihtuah a ti thui khawp mai. Ka hna thawh kual tawh zawng zawng te kan ngaihtuah hian ka lung te a leng rum rum...

Ka hna mumal thawh hmasak ber chu Food & Civil supply office ah peon hna kha a nia :-) Matric ka exam zawh result ka nghah laiin mi ai ka kal a. Private school ho ah ka thawk kual nasa tawh bawk. Chaltlang veng nula leh tlangval tunah chuan nu leh pa ni tawh te khi ka tuition pek tawh an tam hle bawk. A va senior theih em! :P

Delhi hna zawn lai te kha! Min reject nasa thei si, bei kha a dawng nasa thin ania aww...Unaunu Biteii hi vawikhat chu interview turin khawi office ah emawni an ko a, a rawn haw leh a sawi ka la hriat reng chu "Bathroom ah zung turin ka va kal a, bathroom silfai tu nu hi a lo ding a. Khanu lo ding te kha ka ngaihtuah a, ani hi chuan hna a nei bik ka ti a, ka awt ngawih ngawih khanu kha" a ti. Hna neih loh kha a hlauhawm em ani.

Google a ka thawh hma khan IBM Daksh ah khan kum 2 ka thawk a, Rs 8000 vel ka hlawh a. Kha kum 2 chhung khan promotion vawi khat mah min pe lo. Performance that lawmman chu ka dawng ka dawng a, mahse promotion hun chuan an cousin te, an brother-in-law te an promote zel. Ka ban dawn a ka resignation letter ka submit ni in kan Operations Manager in a room ah min ko lut a, ka promotion letter min han hmuh vel anih kha. An style kha lo uih ngawt mai!

Tuna ka thawhna company hi ka join lo teuh em em khawp a. Ka join nachhan ber chu dik tak chuan thlawhna ka chuan chak vang ani ta ber :)

A tir interview kha ka thianpa interview tur amah a kal hreh min kalpui rawh a tih avangin ka va kalpui a. Test te ka pass leh telephone interview te ka tlang ve zel hnu chuan Hyderabad a insawn ka duh dawn chuan loh avangin an HR ho bulah join ka tum loh thu ka hrilh ta a. Mahse "Kan hmu duh che a, Hyderabad ah I lo zin thei ang em thlawhna ticket kan rawn thawn ang che anga?" an ti chiah mai chu, ka aw rang khawp mai.

Tichuan unaunu Biteii'n thlawhna chuan dan tur zawng zawng te min zirtir a, airport chhung pawh vawikhat mah ka la hmuh ngai loh avangin ka hlau vel vek sia. Mahse keimah chuan Delhi airport atang chuan ka thlawk chhuak ve ta ngei a. Hyderabad airport kan thleng chu, driver form nalh tawkin sign lian takin 'Miss Jerusha, Google' tih a lo keng ka va hmu chu, ka boruak hip changkang vel ta lutuk ka inhmeh loh lutuk avangin ka kal te pawh a buai vek hialin ka hria. Car nalh tawk in office ah min hruai a, ka haw lehna tur ticket nen ka driver chuan airport ah zanah min thlah leh thlap bawk a.

Hemi zawh hi chuan ka ngaisang tawh lutuk a ka interview last na tur Google India Director, sap pa lehngal in phone a min rawn interview tur chu ka tlin loh ka hlau nasa tawh. Sap la be ngai lo tih takah sap anih na ringawt te khan min va ti huphurh zual tak! Chutih lai a Director chu

hepa hi ani a, a lo chhe lo reuh em em mai lehnghal a, laihna tizual turin :P

Mahse Pathian zarah ani hian ka tawng buai lutuk te chu min khawngaih nge pawh ka hre lo, min tlin tir ve ta mai a. Ka thawh hnu ah phei chuan kan inti tha ta zek a. Tunah chuan Google pumpui ah User Ops ah Director a ni tawh. Tunthleng hian India a a rawn zin chang pawhin ka hmingin min la ko thei. Mi lal deuh ka nih hunah chuan a ni ang chiah nih hi ka duh.

Heta ka thawh chin hi chu ka hlim ta em em tlangpui :) Ka beisei phak ngai lohin, ka passport ah te stamp pakhat mai pawh ni lo engemaw zah te a awm ve ta thliah a. Thlawhna la chuang ngai miah lo kha, keimah te in sap ramah te hlau miah lo in ka zin kual ka zin kual ve a. India ram ah leh phei chuan 'Ka van chuang peih lo tak' te kan han ti vel a. Ka rilru ah hetia thlawhna chuan ka nin apiang hian ka chuan chak theih zia ka ngaihtuah chhuak a, Pathian ka zah thin. Chhungte awh ang te, duh ang te han leisak ve theih hi te hi ka inring pha ngai lo.

Kum 4 leh thla 7 chhung a promotion vawi 4 hmuh hi thil awl ai a ni lo bawk a, mi zawng zawng hmuh mai mai loh thil ani.

Heng zawng zawng hi Pathian min pek ani tih hi ka hria. Mahse ka tlin loh na ka in en hian, a nasa lutuk a, ka thil sual tih zawng zawng te, Pathian hian engatinge malsawmna hian min la vur reng le ka ti a, Pathian ka zah a, ka phu loh malsawmna min pek zawng zawng te hi ka ngaihtuah chian chuan ka zak thin a. Mahse thil dang zawng ai chuan, engvangin nge heng malsawmna hi min pek duh le tih hi ka zawhna tam ber ani.

Mahse chung zawng zawng a chhanna ka hmuh chu, sualin phu thlawt lo mah ila, Kraws thihna avangin Pathian mit ah chuan ka hlu in ka lo la mawi ve ngei ani! A mit ah ka hlut miau avangin heng malsawmna te hi ka tan Lalpa hian a lo la phal a ni.

Danglamna a awm lo ve

Kraws thisen hlu ah chuan

Kan mawhphurhna thai bo an ni

Chu chu ka hlutna

Chutah chuan ka mawi ani

Keizawng hlutna ka nei lo

Keizawng mawina ka nei lo

Mahse Kraws thihna avangin

Ka hluin ka mawi a ni.

Romancing the food

I found out while tidying up my folders last night that I have a LOT of pictures of food. I love food, but more than anything, I like how each food or its picture makes you think of a particular place, time, event, or even people that you normally don't even think of. So here are a few of my favorite ones, the food or the memory associated with them.

There was this one little man who ran a little cafe next to an apartment I stayed in for 3 months. His name was Carmelo and he made the bestest pancakes in the world. 'Good morning girls!' he'd greet us every morning, and the image of his big, juicy pancakes with the big, juicy bacons and maple syrup just make me happy!

I miss that man and his pancakes!

This "Thai" meal in the picture below was cooked by a Malaysian friend, and it was a really fun night. There were a lot of people who turned up unexpectedly for dinner and we didn't have enough noodles and the stores were all closed, so we put pasta in the pad thai noodles, and it was better than most Thai noodles I've had before. What do you call that? Ithai food? :)
And praise the Lord for putting such wonderful things in the sea! Seafood is all about warm, sunny places, interesting people and good times that go on forever! I love seafood, and the best places to get the best seafood from are friendly little huts on pretty little beaches that make cheap but amazing food. That's why I like Goa so much. I got this meal below from some ramshackle beach hut and it cost me only Rs 50/- and it was one of the best meals I'd ever had.

There's nothing that comes from the sea that I won't eat. Except for nemertean worms. AndEchiuran worms I think...

Now Indian food. This is something I can't quite make up my mind on. I have this sort of love-hate relationship thing with Indian food. And to focus on the hate part, one thing I hate more than anything - the baffling rule of overcooking all vegetables beyond recognition. Seems almost like the main purpose is to cook the vegetable for so long and with the exact same spices and in so much oil that they all end up tasting exactly the same. When they fry carrots and beetroots, you have to wonder if the cook was quite sane when he was preparing the meal. Tomatoes are also often subjected to abuse in some similar manner. And tomatoes, in my book, there are only 2 ways to have them. Raw, or like this -I do like the food in Kerala. we were hiking up the slopes of Silent Valley, and came upon this little roadside shack where they offered only one meal - rice appam and duck egg with chutney and tea. Don't know if it was because of the physical exertion but it tasted amazing and to be honest, they don't look all that enticing now.

Some other Keralite food - coconut based porridge type thing, chickpeas, and some sweet banana type jam.

And that's all I have to say about Indian food.

These are Churros and I love them with chocolate and ice cream sauce and strawberries and I'll be forever thankful that we don't get them here in India (or at least in Hyderabad) :P The road to overweight hell is paved with such things.And moving away from food types and on to food timings - according to me, the best time to truly dedicate oneself to the process of ingestion is when one is down in the dumps. I'm such a comfort eater I think if I was an inherently unhappy person, I'd weigh like a ton right now. If I'm blue, I'd definitely order more food than I could eat and then sit and mope in the company of my food.

Picture below is of me and a meal I'd just ordered in my hotel room at the Hilton, San Francisco. It's also easy to order more than you need when your company is paying for the meal :-) (and when you're in the U.S. The size of the food servings there - Omagah!) I was obviously not very happy here I guess. That meal I ordered was big enough for 5 people.
Then of course, pictures like the one below are the diet foods you switch to immediately after you go through your happy-eating phase. Fortunately, I even like my diet meals (or maybe unfortunately?)
And if you've never gone wine tasting in your life, you're missing out on a LOT!
Sometimes you eat some fancy meal in some fancy restaurant, and then you look at the pictures later and just feel sad that you cannot remember anything about that expensive meal, the taste or the people you were with or which city exactly you had that meal. Meals such as these -

Then there are really good restaurants where you had the time of your life as well as the meal of your life. Amazing pork knuckles below in some German restaurant were expensive but worth it all because I still remember how good that was.

Round white things are some Lotus bread thingies, gooey one is some soyabean based dessert, and dark on on corner is sticky rice wrapped in leaves that we Mizos use to wrap Bekang. Some Chinese place in Melbourne.

Yum chas, or Dim Sums, or Sui Mais, or (my personal fav) Momos :)

And of course chicken feet. My host ordered this hoping to get some fun by grossing me out, but how can you gross someone who's eaten chicken feet all her life by ordering a chicken feet dish for her? Nothing gross about this for Mizos.

Bavarian pastry! "Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels.." goes the song in the Sound of Music. I used to wonder what an apple strudel was, what it looks like, tastes like and unfortunately, it did not taste as divine as the one in my dreams. I liked the other pastry stuffed with poppy seeds on the side better.

But without a doubt, the best food in the world to me will always be Mizo food. Hastily prepared, simple, plain Mizo food is better than the most elaborate expensive meal the best restaurant can serve.

And the ones that are not available to you normally all year round, such as these! I would pay quite a lot of money to be able to eat these Zawngtahs right now! Chil ti put!

Chakawk, hmarche te rawt, Tuaitit - as I continue to salivate...

And of course, let's end this with the all important trip to the Bara Bazaar second-hand lane because the 'chow sa tui leih' and 'Channgban kan' they make in those tiny, humble eating places are the real reasons we all make our trips home to Mizoram!

Lucky it's lunch time now :-) I'm off!