Man I feel like a woman!

But the thing is, it's not enough you feeling like one. You have to feel like one. As in when somebody touches you. That means no cracked heels, no stubbly chins, or hairy body. You also have to smell like one. I'm no expert but I feel strongly about these things so I'll pretend I am an expert so I can feel better about what I'm going to write.

What some women have wrong, is that they don't seem to realise that you can't go around acting giggly, put on fake girly voices, act dumb, weak, and helpless, it's not even so much about batting eyelashes you know. The thing here is this - If I'm a normal, average, healthy Indian woman, and I walk around with cracked heels, dirty toenails, smelly armpits, I'd consider myself a failure somewhere.

This may sound materialistic, but I also can't understand why women who are financially stable, raking in the healthy side of a 5 figure salary a month, who are very interested in the opposite sex, the outgoing mall-going, expensive dinner-eating, 5-star club-frequenter can think it is okay to wear the same shoes every single day and night for months even when it's scuffed, visibly falling apart, glues leaking.... (Of course, it's a completely different ballgame if one faces extreme financial c0nstraints).

'How can you walk in those shoes?!' "Where did you learn to wear them?!!" How many times have I heard that? From women!!! And not crazy hooker type heels, but normal high heel shoes that normal women wear. They infuriate me!

I'd consider myself a loser if I'm a woman that don't know how to wear or walk in heels. I would never think it necessary for a woman to have to be taught how to wear heels. Shouldn't that be all part of being a woman? You were born a girl means you have heel-wearing genes in you, all you have to do is grow up and reach heel-wearing age. Even if you've put them on for the first time, you should walk like you've worn them forever.

And to these questioners, I never would but if I could, I would tell them to go and wear one themselves. And to make sure they're clean. But if they absolutely have no time to do too much cleaning and have to pick between tasks, your armpits come first. I can safely say this is not an issue back home, I can hardly think of a girl who had stinking armpits. But the amount of smelly women in other places is, to say the least, disturbing.

There was once this girl who was crazy about my closest and best friend at the time. The guy never liked her too much but she got lucky one night, and got him alone at her place for one whole night. She made her move, and given that men are weak preys, and that she had a lot of time and advantage, she even almost succeeded. Only almost.

Her reason for her failure? Hairy armpits! I later learned that he had almost given in, until it was time to take off her dress. You don't want to gross out men with hairy armpits and force them to feign sleep. If there's any feigning sleep, we should be the ones to do it, not them.

Then there was another friend who got all excited because he bagged a date with a hot girl he'd met once. He never asked her out again because after much prying I found out she had 'mean dirty fingernails.'

The things we think don't matter does matter. We're not going to get somebody's utter, eternal adoration because of our pretty nails or shoes, but it's still a step in the right direction :P And even if there were no hearts to win, we must still strive to have the cutest tootsies and finger nails around because it's just not becoming for women to have dirty, uncared for digits :-)
Even if you were blown apart in a bomb and your big toe is the only piece of your body left, it should be pretty enough for anyone who found it to know it belonged to a woman :-)

And cracked heels...why should I even be writing about that?

I know all this makes me sound shallow, when people are rushing around tending to important matters. But I'm tired, let the world debate over stem cell researches, gay marriages, and greenhouse gas emissions, I want to sit back and debate over which color nail polish I want to paint my nails tonight.