04 September 2008

Man I feel like a woman!

But the thing is, it's not enough you feeling like one. You have to feel like one. As in when somebody touches you. That means no cracked heels, no stubbly chins, or hairy body. You also have to smell like one. I'm no expert but I feel strongly about these things so I'll pretend I am an expert so I can feel better about what I'm going to write.

What some women have wrong, is that they don't seem to realise that you can't go around acting giggly, put on fake girly voices, act dumb, weak, and helpless, it's not even so much about batting eyelashes you know. The thing here is this - If I'm a normal, average, healthy Indian woman, and I walk around with cracked heels, dirty toenails, smelly armpits, I'd consider myself a failure somewhere.

This may sound materialistic, but I also can't understand why women who are financially stable, raking in the healthy side of a 5 figure salary a month, who are very interested in the opposite sex, the outgoing mall-going, expensive dinner-eating, 5-star club-frequenter can think it is okay to wear the same shoes every single day and night for months even when it's scuffed, visibly falling apart, glues leaking.... (Of course, it's a completely different ballgame if one faces extreme financial c0nstraints).

'How can you walk in those shoes?!' "Where did you learn to wear them?!!" How many times have I heard that? From women!!! And not crazy hooker type heels, but normal high heel shoes that normal women wear. They infuriate me!

I'd consider myself a loser if I'm a woman that don't know how to wear or walk in heels. I would never think it necessary for a woman to have to be taught how to wear heels. Shouldn't that be all part of being a woman? You were born a girl means you have heel-wearing genes in you, all you have to do is grow up and reach heel-wearing age. Even if you've put them on for the first time, you should walk like you've worn them forever.

And to these questioners, I never would but if I could, I would tell them to go and wear one themselves. And to make sure they're clean. But if they absolutely have no time to do too much cleaning and have to pick between tasks, your armpits come first. I can safely say this is not an issue back home, I can hardly think of a girl who had stinking armpits. But the amount of smelly women in other places is, to say the least, disturbing.

There was once this girl who was crazy about my closest and best friend at the time. The guy never liked her too much but she got lucky one night, and got him alone at her place for one whole night. She made her move, and given that men are weak preys, and that she had a lot of time and advantage, she even almost succeeded. Only almost.

Her reason for her failure? Hairy armpits! I later learned that he had almost given in, until it was time to take off her dress. You don't want to gross out men with hairy armpits and force them to feign sleep. If there's any feigning sleep, we should be the ones to do it, not them.

Then there was another friend who got all excited because he bagged a date with a hot girl he'd met once. He never asked her out again because after much prying I found out she had 'mean dirty fingernails.'

The things we think don't matter does matter. We're not going to get somebody's utter, eternal adoration because of our pretty nails or shoes, but it's still a step in the right direction :P And even if there were no hearts to win, we must still strive to have the cutest tootsies and finger nails around because it's just not becoming for women to have dirty, uncared for digits :-)
Even if you were blown apart in a bomb and your big toe is the only piece of your body left, it should be pretty enough for anyone who found it to know it belonged to a woman :-)

And cracked heels...why should I even be writing about that?

I know all this makes me sound shallow, when people are rushing around tending to important matters. But I'm tired, let the world debate over stem cell researches, gay marriages, and greenhouse gas emissions, I want to sit back and debate over which color nail polish I want to paint my nails tonight.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lol. Good info :)

Calliopia said...

Ewwwww hairy armpits and dirty fingernails? That's just so disgusting. But yeah, I've noticed that many Indian women seem to be completely ignorant of the importance of personal hygiene and grooming. Some never use makeup at all, even fairly well-educated professionals but while I can put that down to the climate down in the plains, smelly armpits, cracked heels, uncared-for nails, bad body odor (due to excessive onion intake in many cases), and yes, OMG, the shoes, the shoes! Horribly outdated shoes, all scruffy, bulky and clonky. Ugh double triple ugh.

I think the whole "grooming? what grooming?!" mindset stems from a very low middle/working class upbringing and mentality.

Sercop said...

hairy armpits! yuck!!! :)

toy soldier said...

Hahaha...good points..about the shoes,even I am getting the same kind of question esp when I put on those higher than 3 inch..hehe

claytonia vices said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
claytonia vices said...

Oh here it is: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1070809/asp/opinion/story_8167967.asp

Of course I am completely digressing from your post! :D

claytonia vices said...

Undone eyebrows (you missed that!)

Just like a lot of men, there might be quite a few women who have lost touch with their feminity :)

Jerusha said...

anon - thank you, I'm glad someone found it useful :)

calliopia - hahah I know, and I agree. I was trying to sound nice in the post, but to be honest, they make me angry. I find it absolutely disgusting. And the shoes just infuriate me to death! I knew Mizo women would know exactly what I'm talking about though :-)

sercop - hairy + zakkha rim. Double yucks!

toy soldier - isn't it a lucky thing that wearing nice sexy shoes has never been an issue for us :)

clay - I so absolutely love the article, thank you! And I agree with every sentence in there.

The Scatterbrain said...

I was browsing through friends' blogrolls when I found this post. Made quite an interesting read as this is something quite a few friends of mine rant about as well.

I'd have to disagree with you, especially on the 'high heels' issue. From the time I remember i've always wanted to be able to wear heels. I love the way the high heels change your figure itself! BUT....although I make enough money to have as many as i want, I own only 1 pair of high heels!! Reason? Quite simply that I cannot balance myself well on heels. Believe me, I've tried! I am totally jealous of girls who can wear heels the whole day, run and dance in them!

And about hairy armpits, dirty fingernails, bushy eyebrows, chipping nailpolish... well, I dont think these are due to a lack of personal hygine as much as they are due to absentmindedness and basic forgetfulness!....At least that's my excuse!

Jerusha said...

hey scatterbrain, thanks for dropping in! That's interesting, maybe I'd believe you if I could stand there and watch you with heels on :P I'm such a skeptic hehe As for the hygiene thingy, maybe chipped nailpolishes can be excused, but that's exactly what I'm aiming at. Someone who have a well-placed sense of hygiene would never forget to make sure all their body parts are clean. To be able to forget about them in the first place...well, I'd still go back to the person's sense personal hygiene not being string enough! :)

Jerusha said...

***the person's sense of personal hygiene not being strong enough***

Arrh!!!My typos are just nightmarish these days!