Music players are EVIL!

Jane Goodall came to speak at our office last Thursday. It was amazing seeing and hearing the woman speak for real.
I actually got goosebumps laying eyes on her for the first time as she walked into the room. And then my music player went and spoiled it all...

You've seen that 'Beware, the evil-cell-phone-users-zapping-aliens are watching' they show in theatres before movies start..Well, if those aliens are for real, I would've been zapped to atoms during the Jane Goodall talk.

Being ignored when it's so used to being pampered and given all my attention, my music player decided it was bored and wanted to drown out Jane's voice I guess and I-Don't-Know-How-In-The-World-It-Happened suddenly blared out Vince Gill and Patti Loveless singing at the top of their voices!

Oh the shame! the agony! the embarassment!

I frantically tried switching it off but in my panic kept hitting the wrong buttons, finally threw it to the person sitting next to me, who also failed at that most important mission. The person sitting next to the person sitting next to me bravely took it from her and also gave it her all, but music player decided to remain stubbornly uncooperative in her hands as well! I had to walk out with the wailing music player in my hands while everyone glared at me. I'm sure at that moment, I was hated by every single person in the room. I could almost hear people gnashing their teeth at me.

Been waiting ever since for my defense mechanism to kick in and block out the incident from my thoughts and my head's memory card and be able to sleep in peace, but defence mechanisms are never around when you need them.

So I've decided to tackle this head on and shout about it non-stop instead and hopefully accelerate the embarrasment-wearing-off and memory-erasing process. Think it'll work?

Anyway, what's blared has blared. Nothing to be done now. Lord, please just don't let me remember it on my bed in the middle of the night again.

I never thought I'd ever get to see Jane Goodall beyond my TV screen and magazines. Despite the trauma I went through during her talk, it was still great seeing and hearing her in person. I grew up idolizing Dian Fossey, she created so many dreams in me. And then there was Jane Goodall and the chimpanzees. I never dreamed of beauty contests and glittering crowns and gowns and shoes, instead I dreamt of khaki shorts and hunting boots and African Mountain Gorillas.

There were lots of inspirations to be found even before cable TV and the internet in that house filled with National Geographic mags. Dad and his books and magazines! I think that's one of the things I miss most about living in the same house with him.

Dian Fossey and Jane Goodall contributed a lot to my taking up Zoology in college. I always believed I would end up doing something worthwhile like them. However, dreams stopped when I started working. Now look at me, I've ended up being the queen of all Jills-of-all-trades-masters-of-none. I thought I'd take a year's break from college and go back after gaining some work experience. But now the thought of college scares me, but I guess the thought of being paycheck-less scares me more.
Anyone wanna fund me? :)

Bahs & Humbugs

The whole world has turned against me! Don't blame me if I turn into a stinking bitch...They've sent everyone I care for away..or am I the one being sent away?? Well whatever.... the few people that I'd die to be with right now are allllllll millions of miles away. And I'm sitting here in front of this machine, blogging! Yay! God this is soooo bloody exciting!!
Man I love this machine, it lets yu talk, say whatever you want, it doesn't answer back at you, doesn't tell you what you need, doesn't preach, doesn't lecture. And look ma! It glows too!! It's the perfect friend.
Three people I really wish could spend a few days with me:

1. Christian - The one man who knows and understands me. Already many many miles away. Being sent further away to Chile. I'd just REALLY love his company right now. I think the man actually cares for me! The phone line is the only thing that works to keep us 'together.' Thank God for Mr. Edison. I mean Mr. Bell :P

2. Akshay - Packed off to Dublin for 3 months. So when's the guy coming back...hmmm. Yeah, April! That's like forever. I'm sure I'd be a vegetable on a fast track to decaydom by the time he's back.

3. My sister Carmen - Where is she right now..?.. I don't even know. Somewhere in Kolkatta. Or somewhere between Kolkatta and Bangalore. I can't even call her. Hopefully, she'd be in Bengaluru soon and I'd be able to call her or maybe even go see her, or vice versa.

Give me one of these three people and I'd be happy. Or give me 10 million dollars, I guess that'd make me happy too. I guess I should also be happy that I type so well even when intoxicated! :P

Get married get married get married - I have several talking parrots that keeps chanting the same thing over and over and over and over...You think I should tell them it gets really tiring hearing the same thing again & again instead of saying yes just cos I'm afarid of hurting their feelings? A friend told me the other night that one of her talking parrot's really excited that she's dating this guy and really hoping that the relationship would blossom into marriage and sonograms and eventually diapers, and all she wants to tell the talking parrot is that she's in the relationship only cause she likes screwing the guy. Yeah I know, shocking. I can see you all tsk-tsking in your chairs. But I love her frankness. Even more than I love frankfurters I guess...
Time for a shower. And well la-dee-dah! The idea of a shower is so exciting. Shivers up my spine and all that. Maybe I should also pour ice cubes down my back for good measure......

My 'Bruce Almighty'

Have adored him for as long as I can remember. My IRC handle was Bruce Lee :-) People have pictures of their pets and boyfriends and flowers and mom and dad adorning their walls. I have my Bruce Lee sketch. I used to have colorful sketches of Pokemon characters my angel made for me, but they all went missing one by one. Now it's going to be Master Lee here, fist of fury outstretched and nunchucks ready to fly...

What's your favorite Bruce Lee movie?

I liked all his movies but 'The Big Boss' and 'Enter the Dragon' were always my favorites. Now that I'm old and boring, I like the ones I considered a little 'boring' when I was a kid better.

'Way of the Dragon' was and still is amazing to watch. I like that part where Bruce fought a bunch of thugs in the alley behind the restaurant. He knocked one guy down....

'Movement number 4: The dragon seeks path.'

...he said. Kicking some badass's ass...

'HAiiiiieeeeahhhh..'

(Hoodlum fell down)

'The Dragon whips its tail.'

Man! I can watch that scene over and over again.....
Those lines made me do some serious dreaming about being a 'Chinese Kungfu' master. I have a cousin who used to be so caught up with 'Movement Number 4' that everytime he tried to be funny, or scary, or threatening, he'd do Movement Number 4. But sadly, he's all grown up now so I don't get to see Movement Number 4 all that often anymore.

And the fight in the colosseum was awesome. Chuck Norris actually looked kind of handsome in that movie. But OMG you noticed the hair on the guy!?! EWWwwwwwwww IT WAS SO GROSS! It looked like he had little dark thunder clouds hovering around all over his body. Not natural at all.

I liked it when Bruce Lee pulled a tuft of hair off off Chuck Norris's chests, he should've given him a full body waxing.

Then the American fell, and Tang Lung walked away victorious. And it always felt like Tang's victory was my own.

Bruce Lee - A true master. And handsome and charming and funny to boot.

I wish he could've stayed a little longer.

---

Tonight I wanna cry

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride...
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way


Well, whaddaya know? I swear whoever wrote this song had a vision of the future, of me sitting here alone in this house with this bottle of wine and these pictures on my wall and wrote the song...

Mushy mushy mushy mushy - DISGUSTING!

Tomorrow I'll wake up and laugh at this stooopid post.
Tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work and sit there and 'babysit' adults all day when I feel a little like a baby myself (admitting that at the risk of great dishonor).
Tomorrow I'll wake up and feel okay and I'm gonna kick myself for ever allowing mlyself to even feel this way.
Okay, here's a truly scary thought - the possibility of not even waking up and not having the chance to kick myself. So maybe I better do it now, just in case...
And I'm gonna go brush my teeth now.
.....at least I have nice, healthy teeth. There! My silver lining - my healthy, well-looked after, obsessed-over teeth. At least there's something 'good' in me.
Next time I get into a relationship, it's gonna be with my teeth!
I'm also turning off Keith Urban. Doesn't help. Let's switch to Rammstein growling 'te quiero te puta!'
And goodnight, all you putas!

---

Neil wrote me this.....

If I could reach out my hand and touch you
I'm so fearful that you will wake
If I could only feel your heartbeat
But what magic would that take!

Such a great distance lies between us
More than just miles to go
You are from a different world
One that I might never know.

So I will dream a lonely dream
I'll toss and turn all night
Wishing, praying and hoping
That you are beside me when it is light.

But when light invades upon my dreams
I know that you won't be there
Just the faint remembrance
Of my fingers through your hair.

The one hope I have in this life
Is that tonight you will dream too
Of my arms holding you tightly
Just imagine and it shall be true.

We can dream this dream together
But just one thing for our love's sake
Sleeping beauty, sleeping beauty
They're just dreams so do not wake..

Some years ago, I had this good online friend. He was a soldier in Afghanistan, and he wrote me this poem. 'The syntax is all off' he said, but it looked perfect to me. He knew I liked poetry and he offered to write me one.

'What do you want it to be about?' he asked.

'Love' I said unashamedly.

Even though we were just friends, I was secretly crazy about him. I thought he was perfect. He read the Bible and prayed every night, his favorite book in the Bible was the book of Joshua. 'Jerushah, daughter of Zadok, mother of Jotham' he'd say...And he'd send me pictures of himself in his uniform, and I'd think he was the most handsome man I'd ever seen.

I'd rush home from work and look forward to my weekends so I could talk with him. And I'd go crazy with worry if I didn't see him for a few days, and then he'd turn up, and I'd be delirious with happiness.

...I think he was one man I would never have hesitated to saying yes to if he'd ask me to marry him :-)

Time went on, we lost touch. I forgot all about him and the poem. I was going through my old stuffs and found it again today. It's still beautiful to me. I remember finding the last lines extremely sad, still do.

I was out shopping with my friends in Ansal Plaza in Delhi one day a couple of years ago when I suddenly saw a bunch of American soldiers. It was obvious they were on leave of some kind, some of them were even carrying those sack type things :P around. I shamelessly followed them because I was hoping Neil would be among them. My friends still tease me about it, they said it was the most embarrassing thing they'd ever done [because I insisted on following them, they had to tag along too :-)]

***sigh*** The crazy things men make you do :)...

If You're Gonna Cheat On Me.....

If you're going to cheat on me, do it on real life, real time.
But not on the internet. That's my realm. That's my turf.
I can be kind of dumb. Too caught up in my work, too caught up in my books, my family and friends. You can cheat on me with my roommate and I'd never find out. But not on here asshole!
On here, I am not great or anything but I definitely am not stupid. And even if I were stupid, I'd still catch you. I have spies alllllll over the whole wide world....
I can track your every movement, I know every word you say, every person you speak with. I even know what the girl you two-time me with looks like. Every lying word, every cheating gesture....
There's this old country song..I don't even remember who sang it or what the song's called, but it goes something like...'If you're gonna cheat on me, don't cheat in our hometown..' - something like that.
This is a little like that, the internet's my hometown. Where everyone knows everyone. And I so know what you're up to....
Guys, tell me why you men have to lie so friggin' much?