I was forced by my monitor conking out and other circumstances to spend less time with my mechanical lover here. And guess what? Instead of curling up on the floor foaming at the mouth, my body wracked by violent spasms - which is what usually happens to me within an hour of no-internet/computer, I actually enjoyed the experience. No extreme withdrawal symptoms. I got to spend a lot of time with myself. I read, I wrote, watched more TV in a day than I ever did during the whole of the past 11 months, even spent hours cooking. I dug up old scrapbooks and journals, pored over them for hours - old loves, old heartbreaks, old victories, old conquests - cried some, laughed some. I missed me. I'd forgotten how much I used to enjoy my own company. I always found something to do with my time, something constructive and enjoy it too.
Anyway, got myself a new monitor, got most of the work that was bogging me down last week done, and I'm all set to go back to my old ways. But I thought I'd post some of these pages out of those old journals and scrapbooks, in the hope that everytime I turn the computer on and see them, they'd inspire me to switch it off again!
The following pictures are bits and pieces from my life -
The journal that this page belongs to is not very old, but it's not new either. So I guess that's old. I was crazy about the guy! Funny how can you be so crazy about someone and even plan your whole future to match his' and then say goodbye and not even feel anything afterwards? I don't feel a ding dong thing for the guy anymore, though when we decided to part ways, I cried for him for days afterwards. You do enough crying I guess it washes all the feelings away. The only man I ever shed a real tear for.
Every guy looks handsome when you're in love. But he still does look kind of sexy, and I'm not even in love anymore!
My 'fetish' with the male hand will never cease! I can fall in love with a guy's hands and not even like the person himself. I was obsessed with hands then, I still am.
Pictures of old boyfriends...
I was a complete nut-case! Love, love, love - I believed in love so much it'd be cute if it wasn't so sickening!
I used to be pretty good with a pencil. This is a sketch I did a l-o-o-o-ng time ago of Charles Lindbergh after his solo flight across the Atlantic. I must've been still in school. I said I was a fan but I think I actually had a crush on him. I'd cut out every picture I could find of him, read every little thing I could find that had the slightest mention of his name - and back in those internet-less, Google-less, Wiki-less days, that took a lot of work, finding the right articles and papers and the right TV shows.
Tupac - I don't know what made me draw him. I never was a fan, never even remotely liked him.
Another very old picture, another very unlikely subject - two guys kickboxing. I must've been drinking tea or coffee while I did this sketch, see the mark the cup left on the paper? I used to watch a lot of the Ultimate Fighting Club on TV with my brother, not because I liked it but because my brother liked it. I idolized him, and what William said was cool was cool for me- maybe that was what inspired me to draw such a butch picture...
Another sketch from my brother-worshipping days I guess. Russian soldiers and their missile. I'm really wondering now, was I a little tomboyish back then? I never knew it but now I'm thinking maybe I was. What young girl in her right mind would draw crap like these? I remember some years back in Delhi when I used to live with 3 guy friends, a wall in our living room had a big sketch I made of Batman on cheap chart paper on it. People would admire it and ask who made it..Jeffrey, Ben or TM - never Jerusha. 'Jeff?' 'No'. 'Ben?' 'No'. 'TM?' 'No'..'Well, who did it then?'
Heh! I kinda like this one. A sketch of Marilyn that came out bad. I must've really hated it because I went and rudely wrote a song over it.
Me! All those old drawings made me very nostalgic. I haven't picked up a pencil in years but I thought I'd just try again some nights back. Found a pencil, sat in front of the dressing table and drew myself, but I no longer have the patience to sit and scribble for hours so I got only half my face done. I don't think I'll be trying again anytime soon.