Cry Baby

I don't know what's wrong with me these days. Been spending most of my days bleary-eyed, red-nosed, blocked-nose with a perpetual crying-induced headache. Never knew it was possible to cry this much, that is, for no clear, fixed reason. I turn the TV on and the only thing the movies seem to do is make me cry. I read and every story makes me cry. Every music I listen to brings on some tears. And it's not like I'm sad or anything.
Okay, movies. Troy. I've seen Troy many times but I still can't get enough of it. Whoever decided to cast Eric Bana as Hector made the bestest, rightest decision ever. Sexiest Trojan ever! Brad Pitt and him battling it out outside the walls of Troy...who would've thought men could look so hot in mini skirts. All those thighs..mmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmm.
Anyway, that part where Priam sneaked into Achilles' tent and begged him to give him back Hector's body - 'I've endured what no man on earth has endured before, I've kissed the hands of the man who killed my son'(..I think) Priam said, shaking with age, and my eyes become blurry. 'I loved my boy from the minute he opened his eyes to the minute you closed them' he said and I'm practically bawling!(Uh...did he say 'minute' or 'moment'?? .... Maybe it's moment, I'm sure Priam didn't count time by minutes). 'Oh! Cruel Achilles! How could I have ever liked Brad Pitt? He killed Hector. Hector of the sexy hair and sexy thighs! Hector with the sexy neck..' And I'd wish it was his cowardly, 'slightly-mannish version of Keira Knightly' brother Orlando Bloom who had died instead. It's movies like this that makes being lazy feel so good.
Anyone seen 'Inside I'm dancing'? Beautiful movie. You should watch it if you want to kick those lacrimal glands into gear. Rory was so cute, made me wonder what it would be like to be in love with someone who's in a wheelchair...
I ran out of books to read in the middle of the week, found a couple of Chicken Soup copies in Mary's room. Finished them off in a night. Cried the whole night, Janis Joplin wailing 'Cryyyyy, crrryyyy bayyybeeeehh' in the background. I think the only thing Chicken Soup's editors want to do is break a record for making people cry the most. Which reminds me of something funny now. It was back in Delhi, we were shopping in Saket, me and my good friend Sailopari, and it was late and we were in a hurry but noticed as we were leaving that the illegally-printed book wallahs were having some sort of sale of old books. The huge 'Pick any 4 for Rs 100/-' sign was irresistible. We both selected 4 each in a few seconds. I heard her say 'Wow! An original Chicken Soup for the Soul, one I've never read!' (She's a CSFTS fan!). 'It looks very old, very authentic' she enthused. Got home, we were sprawled out on the floor, tired and out of steam, all our things scattered around us, including the books. I remember she was lying flat on her back, her head turned sideways, looking at something intently. I asked her what she was looking at, she said 'It's funny, from this angle, that 'Chicken Soup' almost looks like 'Chicken Poop.' Well, on closer inspection, we found out it was indeeed 'Poop' and not 'Soup'. Chicken Poop for the Soul. hehe. She was livid. I loved that book though, it was hilarious! There was this one story about one 'step-mother Teresa' which was a real side-cracker. I'll post it here if I can find the book again.

Coming back to the subject of crying..I found this video on YouTube of a guy and his dog while looking for a Dan Seals song. It's done to the song I was looking for - 'One friend.' If you've ever owned and loved a dog, you know how deep those doggy-loving feelings can get. And everytime I see people so obviously crazy about their pets, and the pets just as crazy about their masters, it touches me. And I found this video touching. It also reminded me of Gus. One day, I'll write more about him.
Another video of my favorite song Mona Lisa Lost Her Smile by David Allen Coe - in my head, I'm the Mona Lisa that lost her smile cos' he 'gave too little and took too much..,' I'm the one that beautiful songs are written for :-), and I'd feel a little blue because I start to believe it a bit when I'm lost in the song and the music and the singer's voice. And tears well up in my eyes, feeling sorry for myself! :D
I think it's the monsoon season that does this to me, makin' me feel a little lonely, a little depressed, very nostalgic, and I start missing everyting and everyone from the past (and sometimes from the future) like mad.
Must be all this rain.

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Bible Verse of the Day

My Bible verse of the day made my day, I just have to share..

'Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.'

Matthew 10:29-31

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How's my German?

Dämmerung! Wille der helle Bruch der Bann der die Nachtform?
Er schaut das selbe,
Noch so vollkommen nimmt er meinen Atem weg
Dort sitzt er auf dem Fußboden, durch das Bett
Betrachtet oben mir mit jenen blauen Augen, die brennen
Ich wundere mich, wie lang dieses Wille dauern-
So nicht willkommen wie der Morgen ist
Ich bete heutige Morgenletzte für immer
Weil ich weiß, wird er durch Mittag gegangen...
Und ich hatte bereits Ihren Namen vergessen!

Looks good doesn't it? Pretty impressive eh? I wrote that...

.....with the help of an online translator! :D
Probably don't mean a thing, but I like the look of it!

Who's the Hottest Of Them All?

Girls, I think a lot of us are following the Rockstar Supernova show regularly. The rockers are good, I have my favorites, a few despised. But mostly, I enjoy the hot judges.

So I was just wondering, how many of us have the same taste in men, how many of us share the same guy in our secret fantasies, which one/s of you must I make sure to never let my boyfriend meet, y'know, stuffs like that. If we take for example Unreal and me, we will never fight over a guy, never! She thinks my guys are old and weird, I think her guys are plain and boring! We could have a quarrel so mighty we end up killing each other, could be over anything but never over a guy.
So anyway, what I want to know is this - if you were given the chance to spend one night with any one of these guys, who would you chose?
- 1. Gilby Clarke
- 2. Jason Newsted
- 3. Dave Navarro
- 4. Tommy Lee

It's an easy one for me. Gilby, hands down! If they pick Magni, Gilby'd have to move over though.
Guys, you could imagine you're a girl for a moment and vote too.

Clark Kent Loves Me

Swiped this pic right off Akshay's blog! A pic of me and my man shouldn't be on any blog other than mine! That's me and him, whispering sweets nothings to each other. :-)

Isn't he the handsomest? Love the suit, love the guy, love the hero, love the actor...

Come Into My Parlor

I was forced by my monitor conking out and other circumstances to spend less time with my mechanical lover here. And guess what? Instead of curling up on the floor foaming at the mouth, my body wracked by violent spasms - which is what usually happens to me within an hour of no-internet/computer, I actually enjoyed the experience. No extreme withdrawal symptoms. I got to spend a lot of time with myself. I read, I wrote, watched more TV in a day than I ever did during the whole of the past 11 months, even spent hours cooking. I dug up old scrapbooks and journals, pored over them for hours - old loves, old heartbreaks, old victories, old conquests - cried some, laughed some. I missed me. I'd forgotten how much I used to enjoy my own company. I always found something to do with my time, something constructive and enjoy it too.
Anyway, got myself a new monitor, got most of the work that was bogging me down last week done, and I'm all set to go back to my old ways. But I thought I'd post some of these pages out of those old journals and scrapbooks, in the hope that everytime I turn the computer on and see them, they'd inspire me to switch it off again!
The following pictures are bits and pieces from my life -
The journal that this page belongs to is not very old, but it's not new either. So I guess that's old. I was crazy about the guy! Funny how can you be so crazy about someone and even plan your whole future to match his' and then say goodbye and not even feel anything afterwards? I don't feel a ding dong thing for the guy anymore, though when we decided to part ways, I cried for him for days afterwards. You do enough crying I guess it washes all the feelings away. The only man I ever shed a real tear for.
Every guy looks handsome when you're in love. But he still does look kind of sexy, and I'm not even in love anymore!
My 'fetish' with the male hand will never cease! I can fall in love with a guy's hands and not even like the person himself. I was obsessed with hands then, I still am.
Pictures of old boyfriends...
I was a complete nut-case! Love, love, love - I believed in love so much it'd be cute if it wasn't so sickening!
I used to be pretty good with a pencil. This is a sketch I did a l-o-o-o-ng time ago of Charles Lindbergh after his solo flight across the Atlantic. I must've been still in school. I said I was a fan but I think I actually had a crush on him. I'd cut out every picture I could find of him, read every little thing I could find that had the slightest mention of his name - and back in those internet-less, Google-less, Wiki-less days, that took a lot of work, finding the right articles and papers and the right TV shows.
Tupac - I don't know what made me draw him. I never was a fan, never even remotely liked him.
Another very old picture, another very unlikely subject - two guys kickboxing. I must've been drinking tea or coffee while I did this sketch, see the mark the cup left on the paper? I used to watch a lot of the Ultimate Fighting Club on TV with my brother, not because I liked it but because my brother liked it. I idolized him, and what William said was cool was cool for me- maybe that was what inspired me to draw such a butch picture...
Another sketch from my brother-worshipping days I guess. Russian soldiers and their missile. I'm really wondering now, was I a little tomboyish back then? I never knew it but now I'm thinking maybe I was. What young girl in her right mind would draw crap like these? I remember some years back in Delhi when I used to live with 3 guy friends, a wall in our living room had a big sketch I made of Batman on cheap chart paper on it. People would admire it and ask who made it..Jeffrey, Ben or TM - never Jerusha. 'Jeff?' 'No'. 'Ben?' 'No'. 'TM?' 'No'..'Well, who did it then?'
Heh! I kinda like this one. A sketch of Marilyn that came out bad. I must've really hated it because I went and rudely wrote a song over it.
Me! All those old drawings made me very nostalgic. I haven't picked up a pencil in years but I thought I'd just try again some nights back. Found a pencil, sat in front of the dressing table and drew myself, but I no longer have the patience to sit and scribble for hours so I got only half my face done. I don't think I'll be trying again anytime soon.

Oopsie!

I know some of you are going to be grossed out by this picture. But I just want to be realistic, y'know, show the world as it really is. Life is not all about colorful butterflies and peacocks. Inside the park, it's all trees and fresh air and birds, but you step out on the highway and it's a stark contrast to the lollypop world inside. Drunk beggars lying on the sidewalk, cats squashed mercilessly by mean old grandpas, old respectable-looking men trying to grab my ass, work that never gets done...endless! It's a sick world out there. But I still love it. Or in other words, I'd still rather be alive than dead.

Damn, I love Rammstein, their music is so powerful it blocks out everything else, I wish I understood German. This is what I'd like to listen to on the night of my wedding. All those slow, sugary, supposedly-sensual music's never worked for me. If music's going to get me excited, this is the one that's going to do the job! :D
My day today -
my music : Mein Teil - Rammstein
my mood : sore
weather outside - wet and dreary
my company : Virgochhas
Whew! I'm exhausted, I decided to skip the lift and take the stairs instead today, all nine flights of it. That's a lot of exercise!

High Mountain Girls Can Climb

I like this picture. That's me and Mr. Wright. Mary shot it, she lives with me and therefore spends a lot of time with me. Some of my skills must have rubbed off on her! :-)


My favorite place in all of Hyderabad - KBR park. We went for a little trek up the hill behind our apartment last weekend. And if I walk really fast and leave everyone behind like this, it'd feel like I'm the only one there, not a soul in sight, just me and the forest. There's a coybowish-feeling to that and I love it.
While up there, I got to do the one thing I'd always wanted to do from the moment I first stepped foot in Hyderabad - climb one of the odd stacks of boulders. We found one on top of the hill, secluded enough to make sure there would be no one watching in case it gets a little tricky and we make a fool of ourselves.

Mary had some trouble climbing...





Not me! I'm a high mountain girl. And high mountain girls can climb!
We eventually had to kick our shoes off and get down and dirty and manly to get to the top.
We did start off doing some lady-like stuffs like posing with flowers etc :-)



And she LOVES the camera!















Have you ever tried protographing a wild peacock? Not an easy task! Those creatures are so shy everytime I moved closer, they'd run and hide. I had to scramble around the bushes like my hunter ancestors to get this shot. And what made it difficult was that everytime I stepped into the bushes to get closer, Mary would scream 'Watch out for snake houses(?)!'
Butterflies are not shy! They're just restless..like me. They can't perch still for a minute and therefore were as difficult to shoot as the peacocks.
This one reminds me of Hank Williams - I wouldn't be surprised if it starts singing 'I'm so lonesome I could cry' in bird language. It looked so lonely.
I didn't take anything fxcept photooraphs :-)

I liked this lizard, it gamely posed for me unlike the ever-moving butterflies and bashful peacocks.

The view from the top boulder. That's Banjara Hills, I live somewhere around there.
It was marvelous up there. With the birds and the trees and the wind on my face. I felt so free I wanted to stay there forever. I forgot I had 21 essays to write waiting for me and that I hadn't even jotted down a dot. I forgot I was supposed to miss someone. I forgot I had laundry to do...

I'm going to leave you with this frozen smile plastered forever on my face because I don't think I'll be doing much smiling for the next few days. And even if I do smile, they'll only be fleeting ones. Good times - when holding a dumb feather and taking a picture with it can make you laugh! For the next few weeks, it's going to take a lot more than a feather to tickle me.

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