I'm so mad right now. I don't know if I should be, or if I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill. But yeah, am positively ranting raving mad. And why, is explained below, rather lengthily, I'm afraid -
A friend of mine was in the ladies washroom and overheard some girls talking about me. Yes, plain, boring, uninteresting, depressed, unhappy me. I don't even have enough to say about myself to last 5 minutes, especially at this point in my life. It amazes me that people I don't even know would still find me a worthy washroom subject.
'Have you seen Jerusha's hair? She's completely changed her looks, it's almost like she doesn't want to look North-eastern anymore' said one.
What the fuck!!? How are those related?? Just for the record, I have never felt uncomfortable looking 'North-eastern', as was so diplomatically put. Or should I just say chinky. And I would never make any sort of effort to not look it. I am happy with it, even if I were to get a second life and God came and told me I would look 'chinky' again in my second life, He would not hear me complain. I would happily nod yes, and be happily reborn a North-eastern looking person again.
In fact, their remark is utterly stupid because most North-east girls have very straight hair. One would associate us with straight hair. I have just always been the rougue one with the wild, wavy hair. And if me straightening my hair were to mean me making an effort to look 'something,' it would be to look more like a normal Mizo girl.
'Yeah, she never wore heels before, now she wears them all the time' said another.
This is so ridiculous. I hate people who put up pictures of their shoes and all that crap on their blog, but I will have to do it this time. Let me take a picture of one of my shoe closets - See? All heels. And that's just one half of the 'heels closet' - all bought way before I did anything to my hair, all worn and trampled on many times! I wish you're reading this, you bathroom blabber-mouths :P (I do this pretty well with written words don't i? :P One doesn't stammer and stutter like a fool when provoked, and one can still type when one's crying.)
My friend said they didn't say a lot of remember-able things, but they did sound a little nasty. I am trying to calm myself but more than anything, what pisses me most is them bringing the north-eastern look into the whole thing. I doubt they would have brought 'race' into the whole thing if it was an 'Indian' they were bitching about.
Yes, so I straightened my hair, so what? I straightened it, like many many girls before me, so shoot me! And my new fringes, I hope the police don't come arrest me! I wear high heel shoes, I think I wear them pretty well, you may not like it but they're my feet and my shoes so you'll just have to deal with it.
I'll wake up in the morning, look in my closet, and pick chappals, heels, sneakers, or even rubber slippers if that's what I feel like wearing that day. No reason behind anything except pure, simple want. And that's about all we should feel for things like clothes and shoes and hair I always thought. Not worthy of deeper contemplation. Just little things that give you little pleasure, but they never figure in any bigger picture. Or even smaller-bigger pictures :-) Your hair should not influence what shoes you buy, or vice versa.
Anyway, I just saw a funny site, and I'm not fuming anymore. In fact, I feel a little giggly now. I'd hate to be a woman that pays other women's looks too much attention. I'd just rather reserve that part for the opposite sex. I'd hate to walk out of here, feeling any form of resentment for these people or/and over their remarks. I don't want to fall asleep hating someone.
I believe I'm not a bad person, and even fervently more so in the light of certain incidents. I can even start to believe that I'm a good human being, to other human beings at least. I have this whole issue with God - sinning, and trying to be good in God's eyes, sinning, and yes, sinning, but that's no human's business.
On any decent time, I will most likely not gossip about you, I will sometimes wonder why you wear certain things, but I will respect a person enough to shut up about it. I will probably not harbor vindictive thoughts about you, unless you're an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me recently :D Most of the time, I will have better things to talk about than you, and I will have a life so that I will not be a bitter, resentful person that bitches about people that NEVER harmed you, talked or thought ill about you at all. Or connect a person's haircut with her race.
Plus, I don't have underarm odour, my hair doesn't stink, I take matters of my personal hygiene seriously (Not really all that important, but you meet enough women that stinks and it starts to be something to be shown off :P). I am proudly all that - now why in the world would I want to change from that to anything else? I am not feeling on top of the world right now, but chances are you probably are not either.
As for my new straight hair, and new fringes, when I have make up on, I think I look like a geisha that's been out in the rain, or someone from a Japanese school girl porn movie, but that's about the only downside of it....