'Here's Taking A Look At You, Kid!'

Critical side of me taking a good, harsh look at all the things I've failed to accomplish, failed at, sucked at, blah blah blah from September 2005 to date.

1. Got membership to fancy gym with fancy trainer. Miraculously actually stuck at it for the first 4 months. Stopped going for 2 months. Valiantly attempted self-resurrection and went back again once. Stopped going altogether after that.

2. Joined Salsa class. Swivelled and jiggled for two whole dance sessions.

3. Joined Tai Chi class. Two classes. Stopped.

4. Joined Qigong again from the same instructor. Showed up for exactly two sessions again.

5. Joined Spanish class. Not sure how many times I turned up. Two or three classes. Learned enough to flirt some in Spanish.

6. Signed up for German class. Never even turned up once.

7. Signed up for swimming lessons. Still trying to decide if I have the guts to wear those swimming suits required to get into the pool.

8. Dated some. Got serious with one. Relationship however self-destructed. (Not going to blame anyone).

9. Sorely disappointed folks back home by not going home for Christmas.

10. Said something very rude to one of my closest friends in December. Still not on talking terms. Still not feeling the least bit like apologizing. Still think I said exactly what I should have said. Doesn't mean anything, doesn't mean I'm right but can't help it if I still feel this way.

11. Got my extremely cool-tempered brother mad at me for the way I keep changing my mind.

12. Self-destructive side of me was in an exuberant mood the other night and chopped off a big chunk of my hair. Cannot go out anywhere now without a good hair clip firmly fastening loose straw-like ends.

13. Knocked my guitar down. Spy big cracks. Yet to assess how serious the damage is.

14. Haven't spent time reading, writing, or even thinking AT ALL. Yet have found the time to make myself known in all the new restaurants and pubs and shopping places in town. Truly disgusting!

15. Haven't even tried to stick to the one and only resolution I made this year. Still puffing away to glory. Forming little nicotine halos round my head this very minute as I write.

16. Killed my monitor. Killed my mouse. Lost my phone's memory card. Lost my camera's memory card. Lost my USB cable. Replacing them not cheap. Also never count my change. Akshay says people probably cheat me all the time and I just never know because I don't even look. In general, needlessly losing money all the time just because I'm so damn careless.

And that's enough list for one night. Now how scary is that! It's frightening - to live and not even remember what you did yesterday. And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but despite all these chaos and disorder in my life, I still am pretty happy, or maybe even just contented most of the time. I still think I'm blessed. I have a good job, a wonderful family, great friends, good health, and the occasional terrific boyfriend! :P
Anyway, now that I have a list, I'm hoping it'll be easier for me to work on some of my suicidal ways. I WILL be a better person. Pray for me people!