I love garbage posts. It's one of those posts where you can just write absolute bullcrap. You don't have to aim to be right, or correct, or good. I don't have to make sense. And if I don't make sense, the ground isn't going to open up and swallow me.
I don't know what it is about me and misery that I find it so embarrassing to be sad and miserable. Or maybe it's just that someone like me who's shallow enough to be most of the time happy just never learnt how to deal with it. I find it shameful, and pitiful, and weak, and I don't want to admit to it but yes, I'm miserable as hell. I didn't want to write that, but I'm trying to at least be true to the one 'virtue' I can still call mine - truthfulness. I don't want to start pretending or lying now.
And even shopping my ass off and several pairs of new shoes hasn't helped this time. Here, lemme post a pic a friend took of me shopping for shoes. I do wear a lot of heels, and my friend suggested I start wearing those ridiculous block+high heel things if it's height I aim for. Of course, I never bought the shoes, but we had a good laugh trying them on. I call them Red Light shoes :-)
I know I look unfittingly happy in the picture. That's something I've never been able to understand. I pretty much of the time look darned cheerful & gay. Sickening. I think I'm just a big smiley. And that that's how I'm supposed to look. And that's not a beer belly, that's Mizoram belly. Heavy Mizo feasting will give you unsightly middle-aged-Indian-men-belly.
You know how people mope, become pale, lose weight, look haggard and all that when they are hurting, well that never happens to me. Big mystery. I think misery suits me, I certainly do spend more time applying make up (for whatever weird reason?!) and therefore, look better.
Anyway, I guess it's not a bad thing for the year to start badly, cos' then the chances of it going up are upped. Thank God for work, and thank God for friends, and thank God for whatever takes your mind off things that make you unhappy. (You can see I'm trying to be brave and strong, and optimistic - but I wish I was a bird and that I could fly away).