There's that song called 'I wanna have your babies' by Natasha Bedingfield. At some point, it was a hot subject of discussion during work. We sit quietly, me and my friends, staring at our computer screens, looking like we're very deeply engrossed in our clients' problems. But no, our fingers work faster on our IM windows, and sometimes I can even hear them giggling out loud, over my headphones playing Coal Chamber in full volume.
I'd rather talk about some dumb song than waste precious grey cells on ungrateful clients' dumb problems. Common factor here is the dumbness of both subjects, but lesser of the two evils, I consider, is discussing Miss Bedingfield's song. At least there's fun to be had while on the subject.
So anyway, if you haven't heard of that song before, the last two lines on the chorus goes 'I wanna have your babies, I see 'em springing up like daisies', which, me and my girls thought, was just plain stupid. Sohna, in fact, initially sang 'I wanna have your babies, they're poppin' out like daisies' :-)
'People write whatever crap they want and then slap some tune to it and call it a song. It's sacrilegious' said one. 'It's desecrates the word 'song' and all that it stands for and all that it signifies' said another.
But we learned the hard way that writing silly songs is much easier than writing really significant, profound works of art (as if it needs to be learned at all, but we did need to be taught!).
It also depends on the name one has carved for oneself. If you're an accepted genius all around, you can just about get away with anything. If a nobody like me created a "supposed work of art," and called it something like 'The flight of the bumblebee' I'm sure it'd get a lot of snickers. Only works for established geniuses like Korsokov. In the same way, if it had been Shakespeare who wrote 'I wanna have your babies, I see 'em springin' up like daisies,' people would be quoting it now and still quoting it for eons to come.
Anyway, we tried to better the Bedingfield song, with drastic results. I may brag about having never used Spell-check in my life, but songwriting is a different matter altogether. My friends too could not come up with anything song-saving. Shirley came up with -
'I wanna have your babies, and hope they don't get rabies'
Sohna's attempt -
'I wanna have your babies, what'll I do if they get scabies!'
So Shirley suggested they combine both and have something like 'I wanna have your babies, and hope they don't get rabies' with 'And scabies, and scabies..' as a part of the fading chorus.
Tried singularising it -
'I wanna have your baby, and watch him grow up to be a lady.' (This would be our way of showing our passive support for the gay pride movement.)
You can put your two cents in, if you think you can do better.
We, the newly humble and modest, now no longer scoff at songs. We have been given lessons in humility, and our prides have been squashed to bits. We are now epitomes of humility and peace, with not a harsh word or thought in our heads...I think.
Our new obsession - the Animal 1 vs Animal 2 videos on YouTube. Anaconda vs Jaguar, Python Vs Croc, Tarantula Vs Centipede, Sumatran Tiger Vs Wild Boar, and sometimes we pair our own fighters and that's usually more fun than real videos.
Like today for example, Shirley pitched a peacock against a bear. And I've been laughing for the past 2 hours because Shirley is a member of the duck-stealer clan and speaks like a true duck-stealer.
(Duck-stealer clan - People who use what I call Shakespearean language. Like for example, when she IMs someone, instead of the regular greetings like 'Hey, what's up?' Shirley would say 'Greetings, O ye noble prince of darkness.' Call them the duck-stealer clan because Shakespeare was a duck stealer.)
To give you an idea of 'duck-stealer' language, and also because it's just plain hilarious and I hope it'll make you shed your worries and laugh a little, I am going to paste my conversation with the duck-stealer here, as it is, laced with typos, as follows:
shirleyg: oh oh
peacock vs bear
who's side are u on
Jerusha: personally i like bears better
shirleyg: but wudnt it be more fun to see peacock eat bear
Jerusha: but ill be on peacock';s side just becos of its odd chances of winning
shirleyg: bear in tummy of peacock
Jerusha: yea yea
would l0ve to see
yes yes we shud see
so peacock seduces bear with his lovely feathers
he does an angelic dance
the dance of death
shirleyg: calls the bear closer n closer n closer
bear then caught unawares in tiny beak of peacock
Jerusha: yes yes
very tiny beak
but in tye midst of the seductive dance trance, bear has no wish to be out of peacock's beak ill bet
shirleyg: oh yeah oh yeah
in his lustful ways n pure pleasure of being eaten by the peacock he does not see death approach
before long he floating down the peacocks gullet
to the dark abyss of eternal damnation
Jerusha: peacefully floating down the river of death through peacock's digestive tract
Jerusha: he knew not that he was floating through the valley of the shadow of death
shirleyg: yes yes lost in his own pleasure death seemed but a sacrifice to eternal love
his love for the peacock that is
Jerusha: yet peacock was only sealing its own doom, for in the process of eating and swallowing the bear whole, it was commiting one of the deadly sins
O gluttonous peacock
bring forth thy secret of never gaining weight even after swallowing bears whole
shirleyg: ah but forgive ye this sin....gluttony n lust hath come together in such harmonious ways. the peacock suffered greatly but the bear ... oh the bear
death had to come to them so they be reunited within the fires of hell
Jerusha: level 2 I suppose
shirleyg: i wud say so yes
(Also, the way Shirley described the bear's pleasure at being eaten reminded me of Armin Meiwes and his friend.)