Valley of Flowers & Mana trek

A little late but here it is anyway - I've been dying to share some pictures from my Himalayan trek. Too lazy to go into details but I'll just say this - it was one hell of a mad wicked trek and I've never felt so proud of myself before. Ever.

Altogether, we did a total of..let's see..close to 40 Kms, mostly steep uphill climb through craggy paths. And don't forget the relatively less oxygen in that high altitude! Not bad for a bunch of city dwellers whose sloppy lives only involves sitting in front of the computer all day every day.

We (me + 2 friends) took the overnight bus from Hyderabad to Delhi, reached Del in the morning. We met up with another friend, then hired a car to take us to Rishikesh. This took us around 6 hours, and we spent the night dining on our last non-veg meal for the trip and chasing fireflies.

We left Rishikesh at around 5 am, another hired another car to take us to Govindghat. This was a long ride and took the entire day despite us having a suicidal speeding driver who was a little wonky in the head. There were some moments I was sure he was going to plunge into a gorge with us with him gleefully pumping his fist at the world.

There are certain memorable things about this ride - the beautiful scenery, and the roads...the roads!!! (GAH!!)

The roads were interspersed with little brooks and 'falling rock zones' and 'mud slide zones.' We were stuck in the middle of nowhere for over an hour because of a major landslide that had blocked the road, and several minor ones along the way to add more color to the trip.

There were some areas that actually had rocks crashing down on the road as we were passing through and there's nothing you can do as you zig zag through except pray that nothing too big falls and whatever falls doesn't fall on you. Scary!
We reached Govindghat in the evening. It was cold here, which was a relief after Delhi which was its usual charmlessly hot self, and Rishikesh too which was disappointingly stuffy and humid.

Govindghat is at an altitude of 6000 feet and is the last motorable point on our journey. It's quite pretty, surrounded by very TALL mountain ranges on all sides and with a big river running right through it. From here on we would have to continue on foot.

We checked ourselves into a hotel, stayed up late telling each other ghost stories and again got up very early so we could make an early start.

First picture of the day - the trek begins.

It was a 13 Km trek to Ghangharia. We covered the first few kilometres pretty fast and without too much trouble. Here we are posing after we finished our 5th kilometre, feeling pretty good about ourselves.

Little did we know that we had only covered the first few easier part and that the rest of it was going to be absolutely grueling.

The sun went down on us, trapping us in a freezing forested area full of langurs (I'm terrified of monkeys, but I feel slightly better about these langurs. I have a feeling they're smarter than the regular monkeys).
We stumbled into Ghangharia in the night. I think that was the most exhausted I've ever been in my entire life.

Ghangharia is at 10003.280 feet. It's only open for half the year, and for the other half it is apparently covered by 8 feet of snow.
This is where we stayed. The entire village runs on a generator and all lights go out at 10pm. You have to make sure you're in bed by 10 no matter what.

We had a little supernatural experience here. Will write about it some other time if I ever feel like it.

Okay, this is going to take forever so let's just post some pictures.

Here is the actual valley. This is at 10,500 - 21,900 feet above sea level.

After doing the valley, we decided to hire another car to take us to Badrinath because we wanted to see Mana, the last Indian village. Mana has no hotels so we had to stay at Badrinath and trek to Mana from there.

We bribed some locals to take us across the river with this condemned trolley.

Bonus pics:

I was thrilled to find these pomelos on tyhe way to Rishikesh.
Cabbage patch in Mana.
The famous Edelweiss. I promised before we left for the trip that if I found an Edelweiss, I will sing the song. This is the first time I'd seen an Edelweiss, so I wasn't too unhappy abut having to wheeze out the song up there in the mountains.
After all this great physical feat, I came back and then fell seriously sick with dengue fever and spent several days in the hospital instead. But now I'm out and happy and well and planning another trek.

Sad songs say so much

Why won't today end? It's been at least 24 hours since I woke up this morning. I've done 2 days worth of work. Yet the clock still says it's only 4:44 pm. Why are some days so bad and ugly and just unbearable?

And the way this entire day's been, the overcast skies, the slight breeze, the gloominess of it all can only make me think of one song -

If you're still within the sound of my voice,

I just want you to know you were always my only choice

That it always made me rejoice just to have you so near...

Pretty depressing but beautiful nonetheless.

What would you do with a billion dollars?

"What would you do if you found a treasure worth billions of dollars?" "What is the first thing you would buy if someone suddenly came and gave you a hundred billion dollars?" Do you and your friends ever ask each other those questions?

Me and my friends do that a lot. We'd sit and dream of a millionaire, billionaire, zillionaire life - starting with how we'd get the money - lottery, anonymous donor, long lost filthy rich relative type person, saving a filthy rich type person's life who would then bestow us with some parts of his fortune in gratitude (or in its entirety after he's dead because this is an old man and he doesn't want to give it to his kids because they're all either dead or dead rotten and doesn't love this dear old old man). I usually see myself saving this man from a gang of thugs trying to rob him.

I don't know how this last part will work in reality though. First of all, I don't know any filthy rich type person who routinely puts himself in jeopardy so I might get the chance to save his life. And even if I do meet an old man that meets both criteria, just between you and me, I am doubtful about my ability to ward off his attackers :/

Anyway, what was I saying...oh yeah..me and friends and our dreams of becoming rich. Despite the endless dreaming, none of us would ever be able to clearly come up with anything they want to do with the money besides some talk of designer shoes and walk-in closets. I guess it's just too overwhelming even hypothetically for us to contemplate. Orpi always says she'll just go buy an ice-cream and think about what she wants to do with the change over a big sundae.

After cancer though, I know now exactly what I would want to do with the money (other than taking my entire family for a round the world trip).

I will buy a PET-CT scan machine. Personally a machine I loathe and hate and whose very sight feels me with dread and dismay and even some amount of terror, but despite all its unpleasantness, something that the state with the highest cancer rate in the country shouldn't be without.

And also something I'm lucky enough to have easy access to because I don't live in Mizoram, but back there, it's all very different.

And I want it for Mizoram because we need it. Not to scare anyone, but I think we Mizos have something defective in our genes that makes us more susceptible to cancer. I know lifestyle, diet etc and all that come into play too but I really believe we do have some weak genes. I guess you can't just get only awesomeness genes :)

After I found out about my melanoma and thyroid cancer, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer less than a month later, and since then, I can count on several fingers the amount of people who have been diagnosed (and even died, some in the space of a couple of months from detection).

One of these newly diagnosed is an 8 year old kid I met once in a village a year or two back, playing outside his threadbare house. (Just imagine the coincidence - two 'healthy at the time' strangers just talking while inside both our bodies, nasty cancer cells were already probably plotting their evil plans for us! And both getting diagnosed within a few months to each other).

I met him only once but we had a common interest in dogs so we chatted for a bit about his new puppy. I want that puppy to grow up together with his master and live a long healthy life together. I want this 12 year old girl I heard about who lost a leg because of bone cancer to grow up to be a healthy woman and wear pretty heels on both feet.

I especially want mothers, like my own mom, to live and beat cancer. Because without them, their children's lives would not make sense. Because if mothers die, their children die with them in a way. In that one life gone, several perish along with it.

And for these to happen, we need early detection. In Mizoram, a lot of cancer cases are detected too late. Maybe that girl could have avoided having to have her legs amputated if they'd found out about it sooner. The 8 year old will have a better chance of living that life with his dog if his cancer is at an early stage. I believe there were many people that would still be alive today if their cancers had been detected earlier. So early diagnosis and treatment is one of the main things we need to focus on. And that's where the Frankenstein machine will help.

There will be lots of work to do but just having this machine will be a big step for us I think. A lot of poor people who can't afford to travel for much-needed tests will be able to easily get them at home. It will help our doctors do a better job. But mostly I want it for the poor people. Like the little boy. Dealing with cancer is terrible enough, to have to deal with the staggering costs involved sucks in a major way.

Apparently the PET-CT machine costs around 2.6 to 4 million USD. Which means I would have plenty of money left. I will build a cancer hospital, hire the best oncologists in the country, equip it with fancy labs, and then work out how in the world we'll be able to make it all work for poor people and keep it running :)

It costs around Rs 25000 - Rs 30000 per scan where I get mine done (Apollo). It's pretty expensive but luckily for me, this is one thing my insurance company pays for without any hassle. But it doesn't matter in any case because for the duration of this post, I am the opposite of poor. I am a multi-billionaire :)

Now how do we get this machine, and make it available for everyone and not have to charge that kind of amount for whoever can't afford it?

Old Letters

I'm in the middle of heavy duty packing (moving to a new flat) but I have to quickly post this one before I stash it away again. Unearthed old treasures, and by that I mean of course old hand-written letters, way before the internet came along and ruined everything!

This lovely letter is around 5+ years old I think (forget what I said about the internet :P.) I used to be the big boss of all the neighborhood kids back home. So naturally when their big boss who teaches them inappropriate songs and make them eat parents-banned products went away, they wrote me relentlessly. I was missed! :)

This one is from a kid called Peka, the then 6 year old son of one of our neighbors.

hi,

Aumami

how are you?

My name is Vanlalpeka

I am six years old

I am class-I

I go to school at ar-ellschool

I bring to you Nihawichi

My favorite fruite is Grape.

Purple

From Peka

Good by Dragon-ball Zee

(I used to promise them riches and wealth if they wrote me in English, this is one of Peka's attempt to ensure I return home with a Spiderman figure for him. And apparently he'd sent me some sunflower seeds along with the letter.)

Doesn't that warm your heart! I have more, funny ones where they tell me about their cats, or their neighbor's cats, or the dog that lives down the street. I'll share those too if I can find them.

(And my packing is going nowhere! Too many old letters to read...)

Cupcakes Vs. Male Strippers/Nepali Sex/Call Girls

Wow! Someone out there is crayyzayyyy for Nepali sex!

I'm just writing down this quick post because I am so AMAZED by the amount of people searching for Nepali sex on the internet. I mean I can totally understand a more mainstream search like Asian/Latina/or whatever porn but Nepali? That's like searching for 'toilet habits of the Olmec civilization' or 'how to tickle a hammerhead.' So niched, I wouldn't expect a lot of people outside of India to even be aware of the presence of Nepalis. But they are, and how keenly too!

And how do I know this? Because my blog stats show me tons of leads coming in from people searching for Nepali sex every single day. All related to my Nepali sex post (by the way you shouldn't click on the link if you're looking for real Nepali porn).

There are people searching for 'Nepali sex' every single day from every continent! Well, not exactly. I just love my hyperboles :D To be truthful, Antartica doesn't seem to give a damn. But perhaps only because the penguins there haven't yet figured out that fishing isn't the only way to waste one's time.

Now in the context of this post, if we were to say what the opposite of Antartica is, it would be the Middle East. Saudi Arabia to be more precise. And this is not one person. The searches are coming in from different regions of SA. And we also see some homegrown searches there too from Kathmandu.

I haven't checked but I'm guessing the thumbnail from my blog is still on that porn site. What mystifies me is how it got there. Did a human reviewer scan the site and decide that the guys in the picture look Nepali? But I find it unlikely. Was it a bot that has been taught how to recognise Nepali features? I'm mystified.

And another trend that is forever on the rise is male strippers - people looking for male strippers as well as male strippers looking for a client. Do you know I still get offers from unattractive sounding men? (Is it too much to ask if I want my strippers to have a stripper body AND is not a virtual stranger to punctuations and capital letters?). And these offers despite that blog post now being under layers and dusty layers of other clothed posts.

Closely following these is the eternal hunt for the 'sexy call girl blog.' Who is this call girl blogger? I'm almost tempted to do a search to find this mysterious person but I have packing to do so will leave this for later.

So anyway, I'm a little sad that most visitors to my blog are really just looking for Nepali sex and male strippers and call girls when all I'd really love is for them to read about how I baked a cupcake for the first time. Baking can be really exciting too..just not sexually but it's exciting in all other manners of exciting you know :) Or how thrilling it is to eat raw pork uterus.

Well such is life! I wish all you ardent seekers of Nepali sex and other such things the best in your endeavours. And I again sincerely apologise for the false leads. May your search lead you to the right destination. Eventually.

Hugged by the Best

Someone had the best dream about me last night. And how she saw me, in her own words -

"You were being hugged by everyone around...then a white person in a robe, I couldn't see his face, with long hair - came and hugged you - and you had a beautiful smile..."

My first response was "That must be Jesus!"

She said she woke up with goosebumps. She hesitated about telling me about the dream because she was afraid it would make her seem like a crazy stalker type person :) But I'm so glad she did because this one dream has just lifted by blues away in one single stroke.

It's so weird. Especially because the dreamer (who is one of the nicest people ever) and I hardly have any contact with each other. She and I used to work in the same team but that was a long time ago, she's left the company since. She was not someone I hung out with or know very well unfortunately. But we occasionally say our hellos on Facebook, even met each other once some months back. And that's about the extent of our relationship. Also, she is not Christian.

So it's just amazing that she had this dream. And I am so glad she did because I now feel like I was really hugged by Jesus last night.

Beautiful ending to a shitty day!

Choose Your destiny, Flawless Victory

I really want to write about some people and their usernames on Facebook but there are a few more things about my last trip that I want to write about. I don't want anyone to think that eating is my only priority.

Okay, so the things I want to write about are - 1) Bollywood dancing, 2) Shoe shopping, and 3) My birthday.

1. DANCING

I just want to announce to the world today that I am now a certified Bollywood dancer :P That's right. Certified, stamped, and approved. I don't think I mentioned my little ass-shaking, crotch-thrusting, chest-heaving, tummy-jiggling romp on my previous post. On stage. In front of people. Hundreds of people from many many different countries. In glittery costumes. With loud music. Bollywood music.

**SMUG FACE**

I even have pictures to prove it :)

- in all my lubuk glory :)

It took weeks of practice but it was worth it. For me personally, it was like achieving something BIG because it's something that I've never even dreamt of doing. Dancing on stage?? And Bollywood at that!? You're kiddin' me!! So this can go into my little book of personal feel-good achievements. Pakak!

Oh and I even have extra drama to add to it. So we were supposed to be called 'Namaste India,' but when it was time for our dance, the commentator's voice rang out loud and clear - 'Next we have Jerusha and crew...' Hyuk!

(And please no hate for my Bollywood dancing! I've already taken some flak about Mizo-Bollywood. Just so you know, I have learnt all Mizo dances by heart and by soul way way way before I started Bollywood so..chances are I dance more Mizo dances..and better than your average Mizo girl :P)

2. SHOES

Alright, who loves shoes as much as I do? In fact, who doesn't love shoes? What woman in her right mind doesn't go weak in the knees at the sight of beautiful shoes in a shoe store? What crazy insane woman would say she doesn't like shoes and not be lying? What abnormal female human being would not shiver in an almost sensual delight amidst the smell of sexy new shoes?

Alas, our own dear Hyderabad has very limited options. I mean you have lots of stores that sells you shoes, but stores that sell buyable shoes? Not a lot. There are plenty of times I go out with the intention of spending money on shoes but still go home empty handed.

So being in Singapore was like being in shoe heaven (as compared to Hyderabad). The first store I went to the minute my feet touched Singapore soil was Miu Miu. Then Prada, then Versace, then Jimmy Choo...Just to smell them! I had to visit my affordable shoe stores too, mais oui.

And I look at my 8 new pair of shoes and I am happy! Happy happy joy joy!

3. MY BIRTHDAY

My birthday this year fell on the last day of our conference. Which means our awesome final conference day party was on the night of my awesome birthday. I felt it was a free fancy birthday party that Google threw for me. And me alone. PS: Look, you have to look at life that way (as untrue as they could/may be) or you're going to turn into a bitter bitch with a permanent frown sketched upon your unsmiling lips.
But no frowns for me because Google threw me a free, ultra-fancy birthday party. And I have mad Bollywood dancing skills and people to testify for it (or my lack thereof).

Also, my post title is the result of a week long obsession with the Mortal Kombat soundtrack. Ouch! Makes for excellent propelling music on the treadmill though...

MORTAL KOMBAT!

Frogs legs and geoducks

I'm back and I can't wait to brag about this - I finally ate a geoduck!! I'm super excited that I got to eat something I've only ever read about and saw on TV. Don't know what a geoduck is? This is a geoduck.

These phallic looking creatures are actually clams. I've never seen an..ahem..elephant's penis but I'm pretty sure elephant penises look like this.

Anyway, I've read about geoducks, endlessly pored over their pictures, and I have always been grossed out by their worminess and leechiness and caterpillariness and general disgustingness, but yet...also strangely fascinated by this very grossness. So I decided that I wanted to eat it :-) So it was a very nice surprise when we walked in to this seafood restaurant, and the first thing I saw was this on their tank -

This is what they look like after they're cooked. It's a good thing they're cut up, that's the only way I'd eat them. If they were served whole, gak! All I'd be able to think of is Armin Meiwes.

But this was yum. Stir fry with chives and pine nut, they taste almost like chicken but with a penis texture :D (because I'm sure if you cook penis, this is what the texture would be like.)

And these were the best prawns I've ever had in my entire life, and I have eaten a LOT of prawns. Plain boiled prawns. When will we ever learn in India that food can be better without spice overdose sometimes? A lot of times in fact...

And next we have frog legs with ginger. Again I thought it tasted a bit like chicken, just softer and more amphibian-y :P I wasn't a big fan. I liked the frog legs (and all other edible parts) back from my childhood days cooked in an empty 'khaini' can over an open makeshift fire on the 'banks of the Chite lui' better :-)

And this is again another dish I won't forget any time soon. It's called Soon Hock, don't know what it's called in English. Steamed fish if done right I will pick over Sunday morning pork any day. Okay this site says Soon Hock is "kind of fish that is highly priced for its exceptional steamed texture"

Okay that's all about food. Now I just want to show you some pictures of the resort we stayed in in Bintan, Indonesia. Pretty waters, pretty resort!

As you can see, even the rooms are pretty nice.
View from my room -

For anyone who plan on taking a vacation soon - this place costs only Rs 1700 a night. Yeah I know, unbelievable. If I was a married person with kids, I'd take my family here. If I was single, no. Unless I'm going with a big group. I'm not a big fan of manicured lawns and stuff like that on a holiday, I like them wild and uncultivated - to an extent.

Fun trip. And of course, the highlight of it all is definitely the geoduck meal. You know, a geoduck may be disgusting to look at but it's actually very tasty and it is not the most disgusting thing I've eaten. That esteemed position goes to the raw pig uterus I ate in Tokyo. Most disgusting by far in every aspect - taste, texture, smell, and looks.

What's the grossiest thing you've ever eaten?

Have birthday, will travel

I've just realised that my little blog has been around for almost 6 years! Hurrah for the longest standing relationship I've ever had with anything. We've come a long way together!

Having said that, I know I have been ignoring it on a major scale, and that is because I have become a robot. Robots don't have much to say except what they've been programmed to do or say. And blogging isn't one of the things I've been programmed to do lately. (And how is it that my computer flags contractions for misspellings when even my lowlier phone totally understands them!? T'is unfathomable indeed!)

Anyway, the latest in this robot's long line of missions is to fly to Singapore and I am leaving tonight. Yay! Work of course, but travel is travel. I got to spend my birthday last year in Tokyo, and another exotic birthday this year in Singapore officially makes me the girl you've always envied! :-) Another Sales Conference, and again I'm lucky enough to get a few extra days so I'm going to actually be able to check out Bintan in Indonesia before I head to Singapore.

In fact that was the only real reason behind this blog post, to talk about my trip. The first para is really just balderdash. I always feel I have to write something before I get on an airplane no matter what. And I really didn't want to make it seem like I'm bragging about my fancy birthdays even though I obviously am.

And if all upcoming birthdays mean a new exciting location each time, then bring on the birthdays! I'm all for growing old. (Come to think of it, even minus exotic locations, who wouldn't be for growing old. Better than dying isn't it?)

I used to make looong birthday wish lists but alas! I am now too tired and weary with the weight of ages on my back to do something like that. But if I could pick one thing I would really love to do on my birthday, it's this....

Sh(e)aring My Sheep

I want to show you all my latest artwork, my masterpiece, the culmination of my life's work. I call this - "Aerial View of Four Sheep Grazing" :P

PET Scans and Manali

Okay, a bit late but here we go anyway - I had my final PET CT scan I have been proclaimed clean - free of all nasty cancer cells! Hoorah! The lesions that they found on my iliac region and the one on my rectouterine pouch (the back wall of the uterus) that worried my doctors have all been found to be non-malignant.

Oddly, despite being able to more or less take everything that's happened so far in stride, this final scan totally freaked me out. It's very different getting a scan for the first time and getting one when you already have a history behind you.

It's like standing in a courtroom, after months of lengthy trial, to hear the final verdict - "Am I going to get a death sentence (of sorts) or am I going to be given my freedom?" - something like that.

I think it also had to do with week after week and month after month of hanging on and hoping - with everything you got, and you finally get to a stage where you're so drained and depleted that it becomes really really really difficult to muster up even an iota of positivity.

So I did the cheesiest thing. The day of my scan - I went, got scanned, was in a bad mood for no reason, was surly and difficult with the poor nurses, then went home, packed my bags and flew down to Delhi to meet Cousin Bteii. She and I went to Manali. I stayed away for a week just to avoid having to face that final scan result.

And when I finally trudged back home, I was 6 days late to get my results. But like 'a messenger from radiant climes,' this result came and told us all the beautiful things that we wanted to hear. I'm thankful for God's goodness. (But only a small part of me is. It's complicated and I don't know how to explain it, so let's just leave it at that.)

Every single weekend this year has been spent at the hospital, and now I only need to go 3 months from now for a checkup. I feel liberated!

And Manali was beautiful. The highlight of my trip was this handsome guy, Tiger. He'd happily run to me when I get up in the morning, like we've been the closest and best of friends for an entire lifetime. And we'd go for long walks up the hill near where we stayed, and sitting there in the peace and quiet, with apple and cherry and peach blossoms all around us, and the beautiful Tiger happily sitting there by my side, I felt calm and at peace. I was happy inside out.

Phantoma Sikret

Do you remember these?

If you do, you're ancient :-)

Macavity, clearly one of the great ancient ones loves them. So much so that she sent this email to the cigarette company after being re-introduced to these cigarettes by another great ancient soul after decades of forgetfulness -

fromMacavity

toinfo@harnik.in

subjectPhantom Sweet Cigarettes

Dear Phantom Cigarette Company,

We are big fans of your sweet cigarettes and were wondering if you would be so kind as to ship us a carton. We will be happy to pay for it, if you give us details of payment methods.

Or give us a list of distributors/shops in Pune/Hyderabad, so we can purchase from them directly.

Thank you

Regards,

Macavity

On life

"She said she usually cried at least once each day. Not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short."

I Sing for Joy at the Work of Your Hands

My test result came and guess what?? Okay don't guess, I'll tell you. The lesion on my abdominal area shows "no signs typical to melanoma" or any "sign of malignancy." A heartfelt thank you to every person out there that prayed for me.

I'm sure no one prayed for me about this next win, but I did a lot of praying for this - the Google Football League! And looks like someone's prayers are being listened to. About time too (I just have to add that because I feel like God has been ignoring me and ALL my prayers for quite a while).

The Tribe won!

Here's an exuberant us after our win with our trophy. And look closely, because you'll see I have a second trophy in my hand ;) Does it look like a 'Best Player of the series' trophy to you? :)

It is, and that is mine! All mine! Yes, I won the best player award - believe it or not. I still can't quite believe it myself. (Caribou, Zoram lam ai chu ka awh zo rih khawp e haha. Commentator te pawhin 'All the way from Mizoram' an ti vel dap dap reng mai! :))

And now you can also say I was famous (for a day) because a thousand plus people ate a dish named after me for lunch :P The good Macavity who never have sambar at lunch had a bowl full of it just because it bore my name and she's an awesome friend.

I played defense, but I took over the goalie role when the games get to penalty shootout stages. And I, without any shame, will include this picture of me scoring a goal during the penalties because I'm so freaking proud of myself.

The only downside to all of these is that I now have the ugliest knees in the world. Scarred, scabby, just generally very unfeminine knees.

And on top of that, just when my battle wounds were about to heal, I made this really bad decision to go water surfing last weekend and I wound up with raw knees all over again.
But I think I sort of got to instructor-stage goodness :D And I would do it again in a heartbeat even if it meant even uglier knees.

Heh! Excuse the extreme modesty. It's hard to stay humble because I'M ON FIRE! YEAH BABY!

All this joyfulness aside, I have to go for another PET CT scan tomorrow to have yet another node (on my iliac region this time) checked out. Same thing again, we need to know if they are metastases of the melanoma.

It's getting to be a bit tiring, and sometimes I'm just downright sick of it all. I think I've only had about two weekends this year that I didn't spend some time at the hospital. But you know, even though every test is always frightening, overall I'm not too worried. I think God has always given me enough good to tide me over the bad. And whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul (Well I'm only trying still...)

And because the God on the mountain is still God in the valley, and the God of the good times is still God in the bad times.

The God of the day is still God in the night.

Dr Doom and Soccer and Life in General

"I'm afraid there's no hope. There's nothing that can be done. You'll have to start preparing yourself..." This is what my new oncologist told me on my first meeting with him 2 weeks ago.

After looking at all my test results and proclaiming "This is not good, this is not good at all" after looking at every sheet of paper, he told me that if this mass in my cervical region (called the pouch of Douglas) wasn't operable, there would be no hope for me.

"I'm sorry.." long dramatic pause, looking at me sympathetically. I think he half expected me to burst into tears but when he saw no tears forthcoming, he continued "I'm really very sorry."

We've been monitoring this lesion since we found out about it last year, and after a few failed tests we haven't been able to confirm if it is cancerous or just a harmless fibroid. All my previous doctors have been very positive since my nodes are all clear, and technically the melanoma would have to travel through my nodes before they can reach my abdominal area.

When I asked him why he was treating it like it was a confirmed case of metastasic melanoma when there's been no confirmative report, "It most likely is" he said. It was almost like he wanted it to be.

I was far from crying. Of course, it's scary to hear words like that, but I was too angry to focus too much on fear. How can anyone tell you that there is no hope? It is my choice, my decision to keep hoping or not to. No one should ever tell someone that there is no hope because hoping is a personal right, one that we can choose to cling to even on our death beds.

As I sat there, listening to all these dark predictions, all I could think of was how off everything seemed. "I feel like a million dollars, and yet this is what the doctor is telling me. How can I be dying when I feel so great?" It may sound a bit dense, but cancer or not, when you feel so healthy and ...alive, the thought of dying just can't really sink in. Even when this fancy doctor in this fancy hospital with all his fancy degrees tell you that there is no hope for you, your mind just refuses to believe the things you hear.

Anyway, Doctor Doom ordered a battery of tests and appointments with a radiologist (because he was positive I needed radiation therapy) and an oncological surgeon.

To cut a long story short, the senior surgeon was angry that a big deal was made out of something that was possibly nothing. He canceled all the tests that Doom ordered, and asked me to do another ultrasound guided FNAC (this is the only thing that's made me cry so far by the way, the pain is freaking intense).

I will get my test result on Friday. I feel very positive about everything. Hopefully, things will not be as bad as Doctor Doom predicted.

Well that's all on the dying side. On the living side, I am awesome! :) I signed up for one of the girls football team for the Google Football League. My team is called The Tribe, and guess who's captain? :) And it is only appropriate that a true tribal captains a team called The Tribe :P

That's me, #1, winning all the tosses for my team.

We've played two matches so far. Lost one 1-0, and I'll admit we were not very good losers. We sulked and remained dour-faced for the rest of the day.

A good lecture from our beloved coach -

And we won our second match 3-0!

Football is healthy. And I don't mean just physically. Believe me, when you're out on the ground engaged in full-out combat with your enemy, cancer is the last thing on your mind.

Love is also healthy :-)