Oddly, despite being able to more or less take everything that's happened so far in stride, this final scan totally freaked me out. It's very different getting a scan for the first time and getting one when you already have a history behind you.
It's like standing in a courtroom, after months of lengthy trial, to hear the final verdict - "Am I going to get a death sentence (of sorts) or am I going to be given my freedom?" - something like that.
I think it also had to do with week after week and month after month of hanging on and hoping - with everything you got, and you finally get to a stage where you're so drained and depleted that it becomes really really really difficult to muster up even an iota of positivity.
So I did the cheesiest thing. The day of my scan - I went, got scanned, was in a bad mood for no reason, was surly and difficult with the poor nurses, then went home, packed my bags and flew down to Delhi to meet Cousin Bteii. She and I went to Manali. I stayed away for a week just to avoid having to face that final scan result.
And when I finally trudged back home, I was 6 days late to get my results. But like 'a messenger from radiant climes,' this result came and told us all the beautiful things that we wanted to hear. I'm thankful for God's goodness. (But only a small part of me is. It's complicated and I don't know how to explain it, so let's just leave it at that.)
Every single weekend this year has been spent at the hospital, and now I only need to go 3 months from now for a checkup. I feel liberated!
And Manali was beautiful. The highlight of my trip was this handsome guy, Tiger. He'd happily run to me when I get up in the morning, like we've been the closest and best of friends for an entire lifetime. And we'd go for long walks up the hill near where we stayed, and sitting there in the peace and quiet, with apple and cherry and peach blossoms all around us, and the beautiful Tiger happily sitting there by my side, I felt calm and at peace. I was happy inside out.
13 comments:
Congrats Jerusha! That is good news indeed. I was more worried about your melanoma, but with your regular check ups I guess you got the disease in early stages :) Hope your mom is fine too. Take care and enjoy yourself.
Diary - thanks! Mom's doing good too, she has to come to Hyd for a checkup but I'm postponing it till the worst of the summer goes away. Hope motherhood's treating you well :) I always enjoy reading about your kids (the daughter especially)
here's to a cancer-free you! I kind of get the sense of anti-climax. When youve been battling over something for months and it turns in your favour, instead of feeling happy as the occasion warrants,one sometimes feels oddly empty. I read somewhere that its the body's protective mechanism kicking into gear, protecting you from shock. I however, like to think its the emptiness left over when the testosterone trickling out of me.
Still rooting for ya all the way.
Diagnostic instruments scanning tha leh changkang, rintlak ber ber hmanga an check-up na che result i nghah laia i rilru chiai nasat tur zia te, a ruk taka i thlaphan tur zia te ka mitthla a; a result a rawn chhuak a, neoplastic cells lakah i fihlim vek ani tih te, malignant cells hmuh tur a awm miah lo ani tih i hriat a i rilru hlim leh lawm tur zia te ka mitthla thiam e. Ka rilru leh tih takzetin ka lawmpui a che.
Malignant tumours avang hian mi tam takin khawvel an chhuahsan tawh a, ka pa ngei pawhin a thih phah tawh. Cancer zet hi zawng a lo rapthlak anih hi. Ka lawmpui lutuk che a nia aw.
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Am soooooooooooooo happy for you, my dear!!!! Where and when are we celebrating?
Congratulations, Jerusha!
Ku - thanks! You're probably right..almost like going down from a great adrenaline rush. A friend who had cancer when she was 17 said the same thing, she said she was almost 'depressed' when everything was over..lol Crazy!
Caribou - I pa pawh a lo ni maw? A mak ngawt mai Mizo zing ah ti em em mai a an tam mai hi. Ka cancer ka hriat hnu ah ka nu an ni ve leh a, chumi hnu lawkah kan kawmthlang pa, chumi hnu ah kan thenawm ami nu, cumi hnu ah heng thenawm hnai te te ah hian 2 an ni leh tawh..Chiang deuh a zir hi a chakawm ngawt mai
Alehandraw - I ti lawmawm e, I rawn translate a. Enge I hman translate nan?
Illusionaire - whenever you get to Hyderabad :))
Dina - thank you em em e!
U r truly inspirational.
translator.google.com
GIVE THANKS TO GOD!!! You get the result of prayer actually. Its not that you don't have the truth s that GOD HEALS YOU. CONGRATULATIONS!! PRAISE THE LORD ALWAYS is all i can say. Thanks
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