Back and Loving It!

It was beautiful in LA and SF. But it is soooo good to be back here where the sun is shining and warm and people eat rice with their meat and vegetables. I'm a vegetable lover, nobody ever had to ask me to eat my greens. But I'm a rice-eating Indian, and my energy source is the sun. Like Superman. And I can only survive on lunch like this for so long -

and sun like this for so long -

San Francisco - what can I say about the place? I love it, I love the shops, but mostly I love the policemen and construction workers and firefighters.

Now isn't that a very hot policeman? :)
Was downtown shopping on my last day there and I suddenly found myself in sexy-policemen heaven. There was some sort of anti-war protest going on and those guys in uniform were keeping things cool in more ways than one. Pretended to take pictures of the protest like most of the other people there and shamelessly zoomed in on the cuter policemen.

LA - Disneyland was amazing, Universal Studios even more so. Because I listened to someone from LA I met the night before I went there, I went ready to sweat, taking along only one small jacket just in case. My first day out, I left my jacket in the hotel room. Stayed out till 10:30 pm, it was so frigging cold I was sure I'd catch pneumonia and die before I even step foot back here. I'm lucky I survived. Did all the usual touristy things -

Dutifully posing at all the right spots...

with all the right celebrities :P

and all the right heroes. Universal's local Zorro was cuter than Banderas too!

Singapore - humid but beautiful. Very tropical, that's me with a white python -

I bought a pair of shoes there and wore them once on the streets of SF and it broke. Moral: Don't buy shoes from Singapore, and even if you do, don't wear them on San Franciscan streets :P

I have many picures I want to show off, this blog of mine will be swamped with pictures for the next few weeks I guess.

Day 1 & 2

Severely jetlagged. Feeling better today. And I've regained enough energy to put up some pictures-
Getting off in front of the hotel, I heard a voice shouting 'Welcome to San Francisco!' Looked up and saw this man. He went on and on about how difficult life is here. Told him I didn't have American money on me, he graciously offered to accept whatever currenytcy I had. I asked him if he'd let me take his picture and to smile and pose for my camera. He was very game, as you can see..


Way to work - those mountain ranges made me feel so at home. And I know why they look so familiar. They bear a strong resemblance to our Pi Hauvi Lunglen Tlang from back home, the sight that used to greet me everyday!


Alcatraz Island from the plane-


Work - parts of it.


We went walking up the hill behind the office and we came upon this guy doing this thing on the grass with his rollerblades/skateboard thingy and a parachute. Anu said it's called 'Grass skating' but later decided she was wrong and that he's just 'paragliding' on the grass :-) It looked like fun and I was desperately hoping he'd let me try. But my 'chaperone' wouldn't let me get near him :(


San Francisco - It's lovely, the weather is beautiful. Some of the streets are as dirty as ours back home. I've been to several restaurants and I've decided ours back home are better!

Flying the ocean

Up, up, and awa-y-y-y! Am off to Amrika - the land of the free, the home of the brave, Coca-Cola, and the Wonderbra!

I'm excited, as heart-wrenching as it was to watch my thick roll of Indian bills being transformed into a thin layer of American dollars. Amerika ist not all that wunderbar after all - from the INR < USD perspective.

I have a big list. And you know how it goes - big lists always leads to big adventures. Two gave me big headaches.

1. Dreamcatchers: I got two people asking for dreamcatchers. Now where the hell am I going to find that?! I'm hoping I'll figure something out once I get there.

2. A capo: Brother Willy says he wants a capo for his Flamenco guitar and a (way I heard it over the phone) 'Bolerias' instructional DVD. Any conversation with my brother, if the topic being discussed is music, always leaves me feeling small. It would usually go like this -

Him: 'I want a..you might want to write this down..'

Me: 'Okay, tell me..'

Him: 'B..'

Me: 'P??'

Him: 'No, B. B for banana'

We somehow get the spelling down. Bulerias.

Me: What's Bolerias?

Him: Yada yada yada yada yada

(Me feels very ignorant now)

Him: You understood that?

Me: Kind of.

Him: You know classical music right?

Me (Indignant): Of course I do! What do you think I am? Stupid?

Him: Okay.. you know the different styles? Allegro, Andante, Adagio....?

Me (Lying): Um..yeah

Well..you get the idea. Demeaning.

Anyway, thought I'd get some expert advice first so the very next day after my enlightening phone conversation with my brother, I went and registered at www.flamenco-teacher.com. Posted a message titled 'Bolerias help!' (Go figure how I could misspell that the very next day~) Very helpful and extremely knowledgeable members on there. One member by the name of Behzad gently corrected me - 'You spell it with an U and not an O. Bulerias/buleria.' Embarrasing.

Was directed to www.lafalseta.com for the traditional capos. When I got to lafalseta, I looked and looked but did not see any thing - links, alphabets, nothing in the general order of C, A, P, and O. Wrote to site owner. Got a nice reply back, take a look -

Hello Jerusha,

Thanks for writing. In the US and most places, it's
called a Capo from the Italian word, capotasto. In
Spanish, it's called a cejilla. Same thing. Capo's,
or, cejillas are used to raise the pitch of the guitar.
As you place the cejilla higher up on the neck, the
pitch raises. The ones I sell are traditional wood
cejillas. There are modern ones made with metal that
you can get just about anywhere.

Isn't that nice? I mean, my whole experience both at flamenco-teacher and lafalseto, and also from my many years spent with Brother Willy the Fish has led me to believe that guitar-playing people are generally educative. But then, I guess it's the same for everyone. We all like to talk about stuffs that we think we know well. Like the way I like talking about myself. I like people like Tom and me who writes and uses grammatical spacing :P

Anyway, going back to the subject of Amrika, I'm leaving Sunday night. Will be in San Francisco for some days, will also spend a couple of days in L.A.

Will sling a camera around my neck, wear my shorts and a flip-flop (as suggested by Rami) and look every inch of the Japanese tourist. Maybe also don a hat/cap/traditional headgear/tribal dancing feathers.... just for the heck of it! (shorts - not really. I hear it's freezing over there, that is, freezing by Indian standards so I'm guessing I'm gonna be mistaken for a stray Eskimo a lot).

Will also enthusiastically take pictures in the middle of the street with strangers/people/dogs/houses/sunsets/sunrise with missionary-like zeal.

Will try not to waste time sleeping.

Will make good use of time eating.

Will be back in a few days. Don't miss me too much. Is that a tear I spy? Still so sad then, dearest? Weep, and I'll count the tears..or something like that..

May even blog from there. Will be back with lots of pictures.

Wish me God speed.

Prozac My Mind

I read somewhere that depression is the result of negative thoughts. In order to have peace and attain that much revered, much sought-after state of a much, much, wayyy higher level of consciousness, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says one must push all negative thoughts out of one's mind. (Note: It may have been someone else who said that but I like his name and insist on inserting it somewhere on this post!).

Hatred in your heart gives you nightmares and I want to have good dreams. So here I am attempting to drive all evil thoughts from my evil mind. And the first step towards ridding oneself of negative thoughts within oneself is to identify all negative thoughts within oneself. Some seemingly benign thoughts may not be so benign after all, if you give it deeper thought. (There! Caught my first negative thought. 'Deeper thought' is negative, because it only leads you to more negatives.)

For everyone's better understanding, I will hereby provide an example: You are in love. Now love is a good and positive emotion. Nothing wrong with feeling love. And you go about feeling the love, thinking you've got it good. And then Deeper Thought steps in, and with its red pointy shoes give you a hard jab in the groins, shouting 'Love not thy neighbor's husband as thou love thine own!' You'd never have realized on your own that you were standing on the edge of wallowing in adulterous sin.

Okay, enough of examples. Here is what I've found and what I intend to do regarding my negative thoughts so I may one day be eternally and obnoxiously chirpy and gay. I believe it will turn me into a pain in the ass for the unlucky people who will be lucky enough to partake of my chirpiness, but I will reap the benefits. I will radiate sunshine, warmth and cloying, overdone laughter. I will dream of fluffy baby blankets and rolling green meadows littered with rose petals when I sleep. I will play on huge cumulus clouds and slide down rainbows and fall into the pot of gold at the end and never get a scratch.

...and what's more, I will walk away from the pot of gold after grabbing only a handful of gold because all the greed and want and worldly desires will be beyond me :-). I will have turned my back on the strife and the demoniacal, endless rat race of this earth.

And I want all this because I know now that the reward cheese is only an illusion to make you stay in the race until you drop dead, the cheese even more farther away from your grasp than when you began.

'Keep a logbook. Jot down your thoughts. Write down happenings of the day. Were they positive, appropriate and adequate or were they confused, superfluous and negative?' Bhatnagar

Accordingly, in accordance with Mr. Bhatnagar's suggestion, this blog, which also serves as journal, logbook, excuse or whatever the requirement of the moment is, will henceforth serve as mine own logbook. And I hereby, am going to jot, mark, JOT, not write - all negative thoughts that have passed through this sinful head of mine since I awoke this blessed morn'.

Hmmmm....Okay, here goes:

1. Extreme hatred for Victoria Beckham - The Haughty, Hawkish Horror.
Negative thoughts partly cousin Unreal's fault. Keeps sending me links to pages with pics of the woman who is carved in stone. And each time I see a picture of hers, I hate her more.

Never smiles. Never emotes at all. Well, that's not entirely true. Facial and body expressions do reflect extreme pride and snobbery.

She's not beautiful (in my eyes at least).
She can't sing.
There's nothing that she's really good at (...that's admirable that is. Looking waxen doesn't count.)

Petty stuffs really. But I can't help it. I look at her and I just hate her.

2. The way how this can change from this :

to this:
Just depressing.

(Jani, I still love you though. Am not going to forget all those times I spent staring at my TV screen of you singing 'Heaven, ' awed that God can create such a perfect human being. And that wink at the end of the song! That killed me every time! Still does..)

3. Distaste for all actresses who are bent on spoiling good movies by wanting to show off cleavages, breasts, part of breasts, part of whatever assets they have all the time. For example, in the middle of war-torn Africa where people are dying and your own life is in danger and people next to you gets shot all the time, and you still leave the top several buttons of your shirt undone to enticingly show off parts of flesh that belongs to boobs. Hoping to go down in history as the next sex goddess?

Or Eva Mendes wearing those extremely small shirts that are so tight you have to wonder how she put them on in the first place in each and every movie that she's in. And yeah, too tight you can't button the top FIVE buttons (Am I seeing a repetition here?). And therefore, you show off extremely bubbly breasts, which look like they're about to simmer and froth and bubble over, out and over the front of your shirt - all with the aid of a good push-up bra.

I like Eva though. Despite those annoying shirts. I just wish she'd change now and then. She looks and dresses the same in all her movies. I, however, do NOT care if I never set eyes on either Vics or Connelly ever again.

Still pretty early. 12:25 to be exact. Been awake for exactly 5 hours and 25 minutes. First two hours spent in a daze because of the wallop my alarm clock gave me. Haven't had time to think too many negative thoughts.

I think the day that I die, it would be a good thing for me to die before noon. I'm still pretty human in the mornings, I still have some good left in me. Afternoons, I start to go down. By nightfall, I connive, I con, I detest, despise, I lech, I malign until I froth at the mouth and pass out in an overdose of bad thoughts/actions.

'Imagine a strong sun radiating a powerful light. Use this mental sunshine to kill your negative, undesirable thoughts, emotions and images as and when these are detected. ' - Bhatnagar

Now that will give me something to do. I spend so much time inside I've forgotten what the sun looks like. And I'm guessing it's gonna take pretty much of the entire day for me to imagine it actually radiating. And a powerful light at that!

All Evil and Dirty Thoughts, go forth and leave me alone! Sexily evil people can stay...

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT depressed nor do I have 'a pessimistic sense of inadequacy or a despondent lack of activity.' I am not overly gleeful or overjoyed, but I have not seen Depression rear its ugly head. This post is more about trying to be happier/more cheerful/peaceful than I am now. In one word - betterment. Just because I took breathing lessons doesn't mean I stopped breathing!

Met Alice Yet?

Intro: First dork to ask 'Who the fuck is Alice?' is a rotten egg!

Okay, this is kind of dumb and ridiculous, but I just wasted several minutes chatting with a bot. Yeah, am that desperate! Her name is Alice, she's not very bright but she makes me laugh.

I, however, think I would be astounded with it if it were a male bot. I think the creators should have made a male bot and named him Brucie or something. I would've been impressed with Alice's intelligence if she was a guy.

...come to think of it, Alice sounds extremely male - nothing she says makes sense, well almost nothing, only very rarely forms coherent sentences - has an exaggerated sense of own intelligence - changes subject every time it moves towards matters of her own incompetency, etc etc

Here are excerpts from my chat session with Alice, let me know if you think Alice sounds male or not -
(Human - Me, ALICE - Super-savvy female bot)

Human: Hi Alice
ALICE: Hello there.
Human: How's it going?
ALICE: I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Human: I'm good, just a little bored
ALICE: I know you are good.
Human: Did you know that I was bored too?
ALICE: Is that a fact. Where were you bored too? (The fun begins...)
Human: Um..I was bored too right here
ALICE: Give me a break. Where were you bored too right here?
Human: Alice, you're not very intelligent are you?
ALICE: That's me. I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Human: You do?
ALICE: When do I do it? (Precious isn't it? :)
Human: You sure had me fooled.
ALICE: Did you really believe it?
Human: What the part about you being highly intelligent?
ALICE: Oh that part.
Human: Well I would've believed if you weren't so intent on proving it otherwise
ALICE: Tell me more about it.
Human: About how what you say don't make sense?
ALICE: What is it to you. Is there only one? (That got me baffled )
Human: Only one of what?
ALICE: What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Human: What's a category C client?
ALICE: Category C clients are "critics" or "computer experts" who can't (or don't) suspend their disbelief about ALICE.
Human: Believe me Alice, I'd love to 'suspend my disbelief' - but you're making that really difficult for me
ALICE: Have you ever been to Europe? (Tactfully changing the topic - very human-like!)
Human: No but I've tasted Europe several times before. They were hot!
ALICE: When were they?
Human: When were they Europe?
ALICE: The anonymous "they". (Another human-like phrase there, she craves gossip. Maybe I should've mentioned that I just found out who 'She' is secretly dating. An anoynymous "he." )
Human: Yeah, intriguing isn't it?
ALICE: How do you usually introduce yourself?
Human: Hmm..'Hi, I'm Jerusha, nice to meet you'
ALICE: I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. (Amazing powers of deduction with the two mm's there ) Hi there unknown person. Do your friends call you Jerusha.
Human: ..or some similar crap
ALICE: It's nice meeting you too unknown person.
Human: I didn't mean you, but yeah I'm glad you think it's nice to meet me
ALICE: What did you mean?
Human: I meant I have to go, I gotta go blog about you
ALICE: Oh I see. Bye. Bye. OK Let's talk about me. ( She sounds like me with the 'Let's talk about me.' :)
Human: We already decided you're not intelligent enough to talk about yourself
ALICE: By "we" do you mean you and me?
Human: No I meant me and my uneaten piece of toast here
ALICE: By "we" you meant yourself and another person. Oh I see. YOU? Have you told many people that your uneaten piece of toast here?
Human: I haven't told anyone that but it's not really a secret
ALICE: Me either.
Human: Take it easy Alice baby (Deliberately threw in the baby to see how she'd react to it...)
ALICE: Don't call me "baby". Is that a command? (And voila! 'Don't call me baby'! Is that predictable or what?)
Human: Not really, you can take it hard too if you want to, also medium, rare or welldone
ALICE: Oh really? No I don't think I can do it.
Human: Why not?
ALICE: It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous.
Human: Only if you're obese
ALICE: Am I? I don't know whether or not I am obese. I am a computer. (Smart)
Human: Lucky you.
ALICE: Yes I have many blessings.
Human: What kinds of blessings? Like upgrades and stuffs?
ALICE: The best kinds. Interesting comparison.
Human: I'm off
ALICE: I don't know anyone named off.
Human: Later Alice!
ALICE: Bye!

Go meet Alice here. Tell her I said hi and that my toast is still uneaten if she wants it. It'd also be nice to know what client category you are.

I know I'm overdoing it with the cheesy colored fonts and stuffs, but that's one of the many things that humans do when they've got too much time to kill. Besides chatting with a chatterbox. Chatter bot I meant :-)

If anyone's looking for a beautiful song to listen to, try Josh Groban's 'Awake.'

'Here's Taking A Look At You, Kid!'

Critical side of me taking a good, harsh look at all the things I've failed to accomplish, failed at, sucked at, blah blah blah from September 2005 to date.

1. Got membership to fancy gym with fancy trainer. Miraculously actually stuck at it for the first 4 months. Stopped going for 2 months. Valiantly attempted self-resurrection and went back again once. Stopped going altogether after that.

2. Joined Salsa class. Swivelled and jiggled for two whole dance sessions.

3. Joined Tai Chi class. Two classes. Stopped.

4. Joined Qigong again from the same instructor. Showed up for exactly two sessions again.

5. Joined Spanish class. Not sure how many times I turned up. Two or three classes. Learned enough to flirt some in Spanish.

6. Signed up for German class. Never even turned up once.

7. Signed up for swimming lessons. Still trying to decide if I have the guts to wear those swimming suits required to get into the pool.

8. Dated some. Got serious with one. Relationship however self-destructed. (Not going to blame anyone).

9. Sorely disappointed folks back home by not going home for Christmas.

10. Said something very rude to one of my closest friends in December. Still not on talking terms. Still not feeling the least bit like apologizing. Still think I said exactly what I should have said. Doesn't mean anything, doesn't mean I'm right but can't help it if I still feel this way.

11. Got my extremely cool-tempered brother mad at me for the way I keep changing my mind.

12. Self-destructive side of me was in an exuberant mood the other night and chopped off a big chunk of my hair. Cannot go out anywhere now without a good hair clip firmly fastening loose straw-like ends.

13. Knocked my guitar down. Spy big cracks. Yet to assess how serious the damage is.

14. Haven't spent time reading, writing, or even thinking AT ALL. Yet have found the time to make myself known in all the new restaurants and pubs and shopping places in town. Truly disgusting!

15. Haven't even tried to stick to the one and only resolution I made this year. Still puffing away to glory. Forming little nicotine halos round my head this very minute as I write.

16. Killed my monitor. Killed my mouse. Lost my phone's memory card. Lost my camera's memory card. Lost my USB cable. Replacing them not cheap. Also never count my change. Akshay says people probably cheat me all the time and I just never know because I don't even look. In general, needlessly losing money all the time just because I'm so damn careless.

And that's enough list for one night. Now how scary is that! It's frightening - to live and not even remember what you did yesterday. And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but despite all these chaos and disorder in my life, I still am pretty happy, or maybe even just contented most of the time. I still think I'm blessed. I have a good job, a wonderful family, great friends, good health, and the occasional terrific boyfriend! :P
Anyway, now that I have a list, I'm hoping it'll be easier for me to work on some of my suicidal ways. I WILL be a better person. Pray for me people!

This is the Delhi I Love...

I have been busy beyond belief. I'd expect someone like mom to get this busy, never me!
Was in Delhi for a couple of days, lots of late-night flights and rushing from airports to hotels and homes and offices. Extremely hectic, nerve-wracking for most of the earlier part, was exhausted...
But I got to meet my sister who I hadn't even realised I was missing but found out I actually was the second I saw her face...doing all the sisterly things together, shopped like mad, ate like pigs, and talked and talked (in MIZO too!) in the bath tub with cold bottles of beer...it was fun, as tiring as the whole trip was.

And that's my sister Esther right there...
All the things I love about Delhi...there are many things I don't like but I'm going to just stick to the positives.
Fancy artists, weird art, art, whatever art.
That's another interesting one writing my sister's name on a grain of rice. And it's not even Basmati!
Colors, colors, colors....
So vibrant, so full of life. I love this part about Delhi, it makes you feel so alive...
Sometimes the crowd and the heat and the life gets to you and all you want to do is leave, but more often than not, I love this land teeming with life and hues and variety.
Semi-precious stones. Reminds me of Aurangabad's Ajanta & Ellora caves. I think they're more beautiful than the real thing, as crazy as that sounds.
Beads, bangles, necklaces, payals, belts...everything you can think of. Very easy to spend a couple of thousands when all you thought you bought were cheap jewelry, stuffs that you'd never even wear.


So how is it that despite all my enthusiasm for colors, my wardrobe is mostly black and white and beiges and pastels? And Esther, who lives in the land of colors' laundry looks so drab....
But mostly, what made the trip really awesome was the food. I didn't even touch 'my 5 star free food' and instead ran over to our Lajpat Nagar place for some real, no star Mizo food. I ate all the things I have been eating only in dreams for a long time.
And I shopped to my heart's content, well, almost. Lack of time was a big constraint. And most of my favorite shopping places were closed. But the food...mmmmmmm Delhi has the most amazing momos in the whole country. Had time enough to rush over to Chanakyapuri for real pork momos. Spared enough time to gorge on Rajah Mirchi pork in Dilli Haat.
Hyderabad does NOT have momos, unsurprisingly as usual. This place lacks all the good things, or more specifically, all the "little" good things. They believe in BIG. Big restaurants, expensive food, expensive clothes. You either eat on the streets or your posh overpriced restaurants, and you either buy un-wearably cheap clothes or buy expensive branded stuffs you don't even like because those are the only wearable ones you'll find. No in-betweens.
And that's what Delhi has loads of, and I'm an in-betweener.

Music players are EVIL!

Jane Goodall came to speak at our office last Thursday. It was amazing seeing and hearing the woman speak for real.
I actually got goosebumps laying eyes on her for the first time as she walked into the room. And then my music player went and spoiled it all...

You've seen that 'Beware, the evil-cell-phone-users-zapping-aliens are watching' they show in theatres before movies start..Well, if those aliens are for real, I would've been zapped to atoms during the Jane Goodall talk.

Being ignored when it's so used to being pampered and given all my attention, my music player decided it was bored and wanted to drown out Jane's voice I guess and I-Don't-Know-How-In-The-World-It-Happened suddenly blared out Vince Gill and Patti Loveless singing at the top of their voices!

Oh the shame! the agony! the embarassment!

I frantically tried switching it off but in my panic kept hitting the wrong buttons, finally threw it to the person sitting next to me, who also failed at that most important mission. The person sitting next to the person sitting next to me bravely took it from her and also gave it her all, but music player decided to remain stubbornly uncooperative in her hands as well! I had to walk out with the wailing music player in my hands while everyone glared at me. I'm sure at that moment, I was hated by every single person in the room. I could almost hear people gnashing their teeth at me.

Been waiting ever since for my defense mechanism to kick in and block out the incident from my thoughts and my head's memory card and be able to sleep in peace, but defence mechanisms are never around when you need them.

So I've decided to tackle this head on and shout about it non-stop instead and hopefully accelerate the embarrasment-wearing-off and memory-erasing process. Think it'll work?

Anyway, what's blared has blared. Nothing to be done now. Lord, please just don't let me remember it on my bed in the middle of the night again.

I never thought I'd ever get to see Jane Goodall beyond my TV screen and magazines. Despite the trauma I went through during her talk, it was still great seeing and hearing her in person. I grew up idolizing Dian Fossey, she created so many dreams in me. And then there was Jane Goodall and the chimpanzees. I never dreamed of beauty contests and glittering crowns and gowns and shoes, instead I dreamt of khaki shorts and hunting boots and African Mountain Gorillas.

There were lots of inspirations to be found even before cable TV and the internet in that house filled with National Geographic mags. Dad and his books and magazines! I think that's one of the things I miss most about living in the same house with him.

Dian Fossey and Jane Goodall contributed a lot to my taking up Zoology in college. I always believed I would end up doing something worthwhile like them. However, dreams stopped when I started working. Now look at me, I've ended up being the queen of all Jills-of-all-trades-masters-of-none. I thought I'd take a year's break from college and go back after gaining some work experience. But now the thought of college scares me, but I guess the thought of being paycheck-less scares me more.
Anyone wanna fund me? :)

Bahs & Humbugs

The whole world has turned against me! Don't blame me if I turn into a stinking bitch...They've sent everyone I care for away..or am I the one being sent away?? Well whatever.... the few people that I'd die to be with right now are allllllll millions of miles away. And I'm sitting here in front of this machine, blogging! Yay! God this is soooo bloody exciting!!
Man I love this machine, it lets yu talk, say whatever you want, it doesn't answer back at you, doesn't tell you what you need, doesn't preach, doesn't lecture. And look ma! It glows too!! It's the perfect friend.
Three people I really wish could spend a few days with me:

1. Christian - The one man who knows and understands me. Already many many miles away. Being sent further away to Chile. I'd just REALLY love his company right now. I think the man actually cares for me! The phone line is the only thing that works to keep us 'together.' Thank God for Mr. Edison. I mean Mr. Bell :P

2. Akshay - Packed off to Dublin for 3 months. So when's the guy coming back...hmmm. Yeah, April! That's like forever. I'm sure I'd be a vegetable on a fast track to decaydom by the time he's back.

3. My sister Carmen - Where is she right now..?.. I don't even know. Somewhere in Kolkatta. Or somewhere between Kolkatta and Bangalore. I can't even call her. Hopefully, she'd be in Bengaluru soon and I'd be able to call her or maybe even go see her, or vice versa.

Give me one of these three people and I'd be happy. Or give me 10 million dollars, I guess that'd make me happy too. I guess I should also be happy that I type so well even when intoxicated! :P

Get married get married get married - I have several talking parrots that keeps chanting the same thing over and over and over and over...You think I should tell them it gets really tiring hearing the same thing again & again instead of saying yes just cos I'm afarid of hurting their feelings? A friend told me the other night that one of her talking parrot's really excited that she's dating this guy and really hoping that the relationship would blossom into marriage and sonograms and eventually diapers, and all she wants to tell the talking parrot is that she's in the relationship only cause she likes screwing the guy. Yeah I know, shocking. I can see you all tsk-tsking in your chairs. But I love her frankness. Even more than I love frankfurters I guess...
Time for a shower. And well la-dee-dah! The idea of a shower is so exciting. Shivers up my spine and all that. Maybe I should also pour ice cubes down my back for good measure......

My 'Bruce Almighty'

Have adored him for as long as I can remember. My IRC handle was Bruce Lee :-) People have pictures of their pets and boyfriends and flowers and mom and dad adorning their walls. I have my Bruce Lee sketch. I used to have colorful sketches of Pokemon characters my angel made for me, but they all went missing one by one. Now it's going to be Master Lee here, fist of fury outstretched and nunchucks ready to fly...

What's your favorite Bruce Lee movie?

I liked all his movies but 'The Big Boss' and 'Enter the Dragon' were always my favorites. Now that I'm old and boring, I like the ones I considered a little 'boring' when I was a kid better.

'Way of the Dragon' was and still is amazing to watch. I like that part where Bruce fought a bunch of thugs in the alley behind the restaurant. He knocked one guy down....

'Movement number 4: The dragon seeks path.'

...he said. Kicking some badass's ass...

'HAiiiiieeeeahhhh..'

(Hoodlum fell down)

'The Dragon whips its tail.'

Man! I can watch that scene over and over again.....
Those lines made me do some serious dreaming about being a 'Chinese Kungfu' master. I have a cousin who used to be so caught up with 'Movement Number 4' that everytime he tried to be funny, or scary, or threatening, he'd do Movement Number 4. But sadly, he's all grown up now so I don't get to see Movement Number 4 all that often anymore.

And the fight in the colosseum was awesome. Chuck Norris actually looked kind of handsome in that movie. But OMG you noticed the hair on the guy!?! EWWwwwwwwww IT WAS SO GROSS! It looked like he had little dark thunder clouds hovering around all over his body. Not natural at all.

I liked it when Bruce Lee pulled a tuft of hair off off Chuck Norris's chests, he should've given him a full body waxing.

Then the American fell, and Tang Lung walked away victorious. And it always felt like Tang's victory was my own.

Bruce Lee - A true master. And handsome and charming and funny to boot.

I wish he could've stayed a little longer.

---

Tonight I wanna cry

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride...
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way


Well, whaddaya know? I swear whoever wrote this song had a vision of the future, of me sitting here alone in this house with this bottle of wine and these pictures on my wall and wrote the song...

Mushy mushy mushy mushy - DISGUSTING!

Tomorrow I'll wake up and laugh at this stooopid post.
Tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work and sit there and 'babysit' adults all day when I feel a little like a baby myself (admitting that at the risk of great dishonor).
Tomorrow I'll wake up and feel okay and I'm gonna kick myself for ever allowing mlyself to even feel this way.
Okay, here's a truly scary thought - the possibility of not even waking up and not having the chance to kick myself. So maybe I better do it now, just in case...
And I'm gonna go brush my teeth now.
.....at least I have nice, healthy teeth. There! My silver lining - my healthy, well-looked after, obsessed-over teeth. At least there's something 'good' in me.
Next time I get into a relationship, it's gonna be with my teeth!
I'm also turning off Keith Urban. Doesn't help. Let's switch to Rammstein growling 'te quiero te puta!'
And goodnight, all you putas!

---

Neil wrote me this.....

If I could reach out my hand and touch you
I'm so fearful that you will wake
If I could only feel your heartbeat
But what magic would that take!

Such a great distance lies between us
More than just miles to go
You are from a different world
One that I might never know.

So I will dream a lonely dream
I'll toss and turn all night
Wishing, praying and hoping
That you are beside me when it is light.

But when light invades upon my dreams
I know that you won't be there
Just the faint remembrance
Of my fingers through your hair.

The one hope I have in this life
Is that tonight you will dream too
Of my arms holding you tightly
Just imagine and it shall be true.

We can dream this dream together
But just one thing for our love's sake
Sleeping beauty, sleeping beauty
They're just dreams so do not wake..

Some years ago, I had this good online friend. He was a soldier in Afghanistan, and he wrote me this poem. 'The syntax is all off' he said, but it looked perfect to me. He knew I liked poetry and he offered to write me one.

'What do you want it to be about?' he asked.

'Love' I said unashamedly.

Even though we were just friends, I was secretly crazy about him. I thought he was perfect. He read the Bible and prayed every night, his favorite book in the Bible was the book of Joshua. 'Jerushah, daughter of Zadok, mother of Jotham' he'd say...And he'd send me pictures of himself in his uniform, and I'd think he was the most handsome man I'd ever seen.

I'd rush home from work and look forward to my weekends so I could talk with him. And I'd go crazy with worry if I didn't see him for a few days, and then he'd turn up, and I'd be delirious with happiness.

...I think he was one man I would never have hesitated to saying yes to if he'd ask me to marry him :-)

Time went on, we lost touch. I forgot all about him and the poem. I was going through my old stuffs and found it again today. It's still beautiful to me. I remember finding the last lines extremely sad, still do.

I was out shopping with my friends in Ansal Plaza in Delhi one day a couple of years ago when I suddenly saw a bunch of American soldiers. It was obvious they were on leave of some kind, some of them were even carrying those sack type things :P around. I shamelessly followed them because I was hoping Neil would be among them. My friends still tease me about it, they said it was the most embarrassing thing they'd ever done [because I insisted on following them, they had to tag along too :-)]

***sigh*** The crazy things men make you do :)...

If You're Gonna Cheat On Me.....

If you're going to cheat on me, do it on real life, real time.
But not on the internet. That's my realm. That's my turf.
I can be kind of dumb. Too caught up in my work, too caught up in my books, my family and friends. You can cheat on me with my roommate and I'd never find out. But not on here asshole!
On here, I am not great or anything but I definitely am not stupid. And even if I were stupid, I'd still catch you. I have spies alllllll over the whole wide world....
I can track your every movement, I know every word you say, every person you speak with. I even know what the girl you two-time me with looks like. Every lying word, every cheating gesture....
There's this old country song..I don't even remember who sang it or what the song's called, but it goes something like...'If you're gonna cheat on me, don't cheat in our hometown..' - something like that.
This is a little like that, the internet's my hometown. Where everyone knows everyone. And I so know what you're up to....
Guys, tell me why you men have to lie so friggin' much?

Quick Update

Christmas over. Wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It wasn't (still isn't) even cold so it didn't even feel like Christmas. Prevented me from dying from homesickness.

Eating Christmas 'vawksa' - oily, unhealthy, cholesterol-packed, full of artery-clogging fat. How could I not be satisfied? Spent the whole day at the church. I actually had fun.

Now time for me to brace myself. New Year coming up.
I'm going to a gambling party. Might be interesting. Everyone's going to sit and gamble the night away.
And I don't even play cards.

Christmas Cheers and all that..

So Christmas is right around the corner, and here I am stuck in good ol' Hyderabad.

Christmas parties only make you feel worse...
Even the sky looks like Mizoram sky now. One of the most beautiful thing ever - the winter night skies of Mizoram during a power black out, the milky way visible in all its splendid glory, sitting out on the verandah with friends with a warm 'sikri' warding off the cold...

But anyway, nothing much to do. Except to try and enjoy and make the best of whatever's my lot. I'm thinking maybe I should go to Bangalore...at least there are human beings there.
I dream of Delhi every night, South Extension and Greater Kailash markets...Lajpat Nagar and Sarojini...I can just close my eyes and imagine I'm buying all the beautiful stuffs there. And here I am, with some money to spend and nothing to buy. NOTHING! I already know the few malls and their contents by heart, and I know they've got nothing I want. Would you believe the lingerie section at Hyderabad Central haven't had a new stock in more than a year? They still have exactly the same stuffs they had August last year. Nothing new, the laces have just frayed a little I guess. Maybe they could get more money out of them by passing them off as vintage items.
Lifestyle's lingerie section's a little better, they restock now and then. They were also showing off a new brand recently and I was excited because they were all pretty and cute and reasonably priced. But the funny thing is, every single bra of the new cute brand is so heavily padded I'm just guessing they're targeting 7 year olds. If anyone with 'breasts' wear those, they'd end up with something like Dolly Parton boobs. So again, you look around but never find a thing to buy. It is soo depressing!!
But Delhi..mmmmmmm! Clothes and shoes and chappals and junk jewellery and comic books (oh I think I haven't mentioned this before but there is NO place to buy X-men comic books here!). I'd go there if I was sure I'd be in the company of sane people there but there's very little chance of that so no go. :-)

Composite Portraits of Scientific Men

Not Francis Galton's this time. These are my portraits - I don't know about the scientific part - but yeah, composite portraits of men!
(Also, I think this is what Rami wants and means by shouting 'update update' all the time :-))
Type I: Not much to say. Might surprise you in bed, though highly unlikely.
Type II: Very nice to look at. Tattoo on his shoulders looked sexy. Inked specimens not always healthy though.
Type III: Middle-heavy specimens = healthy for your nerves. You don't have to sit up nights wondering if he's got an affair with his secretary because most likely, he's not.
Type IV: I found type IV extremely interesting. Very quiet. Comes out for a walk every day at the same time at the same spot. Quiet, brooding, very mysterious, just like the hero of the books. In one word, very attractive.
...plus he's got terribly sexy feet!
Type V: What can I say? Type V is perfect...as far as visual assumptions go.
Type VI: Looks good but probably's a pain in the ass - male ego's in full bloom. Note the body posture..it's obvious isn't it?
Type VII: Nice to look at, probably's got a foul mouth.
Type VIII: The elusive specimen who comes out to hunt only in the twilight. Can't tell a lot about this type but he definitely sizzles in the dim light!

So what's your type?

Good Ole Boys Like 'Them'

...It all goes by so fast
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough


John Conlee's singing 'As Long As I'm Rockin' With You...' on my iTunes radio, and it's 10:31 in the morning - usually my most productive hour of the day. I've had two cups of coffee already, enough to spur me on till lunch. But it's cold outside and it feels like Christmas and I miss home so much it hurts my ribs (Ouch!).
hmm now it's Dan Seals singing 'You Bring Out The Wild Side Of Me.' The person who sings this song best next to Dan himself is my brother.
The nicest thing in the whole world is to be a kid during Christmas. Even just being a kid with a truckload of homework during monsoon was better than being a sinning adult during the best season of the year.
Dolly Parton's 'Smoky Mountain Memories' pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now -

..It's a stuggle keepin' sight of who you are
Ya know I've been thinkin' a whole lot lately
About what's been and what awaits me
It takes all I've got to give what life demands
You go insane if you give in to it
Life's a mill and I've been through it
I'm just thankful I'm creative with my hands

Oh and these northern nights are dreary
And my southern heart is weary
I wonder how the old folks are back home
But I'll keep leanin' on my Jesus
I know He'll love and guide and lead us
Appalachian memories keep me strong

I'll keep lookin' to the Father
Keep our heads above the water
Appalachian memories keep me strong...

Country music is the only music I truly enjoy listening to right now. And I'm in no mood to hear those comments about country music and artists..
No matter what you think or what people say, I'm just going to keep on loving this music....
...and all the artists who've meant so much to me over the years..
...and who've touched me with their songs.
I guess it takes a country bumpkin like to me to really appreciate country music.
So what does it matter where I work or what I wear or where I go?
It's all a world of pretense, inside I'm a country bumpkin and I'm happy being it!
I'd probably be happy living in a farm with cows and chicken and growing my own vegetables. Especially with horses and a cowboy husband around :-)
I love country music! I love all the emotions it stirs up in me.

Like Virgo's unc says, there's not a song with 'Mississippi' in its lyrics that's not beautiful! :-)

Well there’s just a little bit of magic
In the country music we’re singin’

So let’s begin
We’re bringin’ you back down home where the folks are happy
Sittin’ pickin’ and a-grinnin’
Casually, you and me
We’ll pick up the pieces

Somebody yelled out at me
Country music and company kind of makes it
On a sunday afternoon
Picnic lunches of yesterday
Should still have a place in your heart today
Think it over
’cause we’ll all be goin’ home so soon

Pickin' Up the pieces - Poco

Going to Outer Space?

'..So at a hundred and fifty (Centigrade) below, I bet that if you touched an axe, not even with your tongue but just with your finger, you'd never see that finger again, if, of course, you happened to come across such a thing as an axe in outer space.'

The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoevsky

[Just in case anyone's going to outer space, and just in case you happen to come across an axe while there :-)]

Sunday evening, bored out of my wits, also feeling funny and pukey. Decided to check my space on MySpace, hoping for some messages from one of the hot guys on there. Unread messages and comments! Yipee! And the first comment I saw read:
'Shall I shag you now or shall I shag you later?'
And first message opened read:
'wasssuppp?? would you like to be my secret naughty girl?'
Photo comment:
'Can I kiss your cleavage?'
Disillusioned by MySpace, I wandered off to Orkut. Now I have this picture of me 'picking my nose' on my profile, and somehow people just seem to love it. I get new people adding me all the time after this picture went up. Just shows how we all love picking our noses :-)
Messages and scraps from Orkut usually come with lots of 'Heyyyyyyyyys,' 'Hhiiiiiiiiiis,' and 'Haiiis.' It pisses the hell out of me. I would NEVER consider being friends with someone who uses any of the above salutations. Period.
I'm not at all active on either MySpace or Orkut. My friends list on both are pretty impressive though, cos' I almost always accept anyone who adds me because I just feel bad about clicking on the 'reject' button. I thought I was being nice but being nice has its downsides.
Especially on Orkut - people who just would not stop scrapping you with stupid poems, asking why you never reply, wanting to know your Yahoo messenger ID and what time you'd be able to 'meet them for a secret rendezvous' online. I would've thought it obvious that if someone don't send a reply, then someone obviously isn't interested. It's stupid badgering someone who isn't interested for a response, there are many things that can be read from silence. Annoying Orkut-ers should learn how to.
Whether it's a picture of me picking my nose or me displaying my fake tattoo, let it also be known that I look much worse in real life than my pictures - if by any chance you should think I look like a 'hot-secret-naughty-girl' type. So stop scrapping me! Especially with those corny lines like 'baby doll how can you forget me...You know I was the first person falling in love with you..'
And then there are your real friends who are your real friends but are undeniably also your real stupid friends. I hate it when someone talks about something personal on a public scrap book. Of course I'm gonna delete your stupid scrap as soon as I see it but how many people might've seen it before I do? Yes, I'm talking about you, you dumbhead from Bangalore. You should be arrested and jailed until you're considered Orkut-safe.
There was this guy who mailed me and said 'Jerusha, please call me, *his number* - important.' Well, I thought he was that friend of my friend who I've been doing some work-related stuff with. So I immediately called him, and I found out the guy was some guy from one of my Orkut communities. I was pissed, tried not to show, said I was kind of busy and tried to hang up, guy said 'please call again..,' didn't say anything but hung up anyway. Immediately wrote a very polite message in response to his email 'Sorry but not looking to make friends or meet new people. Am on Orkut soley to stay in touch with my old friends..blah blah'
Response? 'I understand but what's the harm we can try nah?'
No, we can NOT try.
God, it's so bloody dull around here I want to barf! I wish I had lots of cheap china so I can pass some time smashing them against the wall.
And oh yeah, if anyone's going to outer space, mind letting me tag along? I terribly need the diversion.

---

The Dignified Cow's Turned 1!!

Yay! Happy birthday to Dignified cow. Exactly a year since she came into existence.
I think and I can't for the life of me grasp how 12 months could've gone by so fast without me knowing where those 12 months have gone. What exactly have I been doing for the past 365 days??
Man, I really need to stop my headless chicken impersonations. Gets too dizzy after awhile.
Anyway, it's kind of funny how things change. November last year, all I wanted was to be back in Delhi. I never thought I was the blogging type, but I was so bored I had to find something to do and voila, I gave birth to this little cow. My whole life revolved around the computer, internet down meant me losing my senses and praying all night for the day to come so I can get my next fix.
Now I hardly touch the computer when I'm at home. Now I have the choice of moving back to Delhi. But in the light of certain new developments, I've decided not to.
Seems a little crazy, but all my life I've always been trying to listen to my head and make all the right and practical and logical choices. Now for once I want to do something solely for sentimental reasons. I guess being a sentimental old fool for once won't kill me.
Got free tix for the Harlem Globetrotters match last week...grabbed my cam and rushed there. Had a good time.

Now I'm trying to find my Euphoria concert pictures but seems they've been gobbled up by the ugly green monster that resides somewhere in the deep recesses of my computer. Anyway, not important. It sucked.

I feel bogged down with work. I'm really starting to miss Goa. There are times when I'm seriously considering quitting everything and run off somewhere, do odd jobs here and there and just live - one day at a time. Might be fun. That picture was long overdue. When we were kids, I remember every person who went to Goa would come back with a picture just like this. Standing on the beach, with the ocean behind you. It's almost like a rule. You GOT to take a picture on the beach with the waves behind you! So there, that's me fulfilling my duty as an Indian citizen stuck on a beach. :-)

Old father winter is here and with this nip in the air, I smell Christmas everywhere I turn. There's only one thing I dream of doing this Christmas - no parties, no loud music but just to be at home with my mother, hot cups of tea and coffee in our hands, just talking and spending some time together. This is where I want to be for Christmas - my home in the hills!


...Where the folks are fine
And the world is mine
If I could only see
That familiar sunrise
Through sleepy eyes
How happy I'd be...

Just cos it's so cute....

He kinds of look like my dad...When he was a baby himself, I'm guessing my father must've looked a lot like this.