If You're Gonna Cheat On Me.....

If you're going to cheat on me, do it on real life, real time.
But not on the internet. That's my realm. That's my turf.
I can be kind of dumb. Too caught up in my work, too caught up in my books, my family and friends. You can cheat on me with my roommate and I'd never find out. But not on here asshole!
On here, I am not great or anything but I definitely am not stupid. And even if I were stupid, I'd still catch you. I have spies alllllll over the whole wide world....
I can track your every movement, I know every word you say, every person you speak with. I even know what the girl you two-time me with looks like. Every lying word, every cheating gesture....
There's this old country song..I don't even remember who sang it or what the song's called, but it goes something like...'If you're gonna cheat on me, don't cheat in our hometown..' - something like that.
This is a little like that, the internet's my hometown. Where everyone knows everyone. And I so know what you're up to....
Guys, tell me why you men have to lie so friggin' much?