This swell life

Booo!

This is how my feet looks right now, my classic swollen feet look. (I know you don't really want to look at my feet but I feel vicious tonight). Don't judge my poor feet too harshly though, there was a time I used to have nice feet. And these very feet, believe it or not, used to be gazed on with much love and adoration. But post thyroid surgery, bad hair days have taken a step back to bad feet days. Did I ever mention that when I was a baby, a maid spilled boiling water on my right feet? You can still see the scars. And now, that coupled with the bombasticity leaves me with very little to be proud of.

I'm home alone on a Friday night. Isn't that just tragic? My boredom these days is getting so unmanageable I'm starting to prefer being bored on my own. It's more tolerable than being bored in the company of others. At least I don't have to keep up pretenses. Here on my own I can paint my nails all the colors of the rainbow in one night.

Skipped out of work early, canceled dinner plans with a lie for an excuse. Tried to buy a pair of pretty red suede shoes to cheer myself up (thank God I still fit into a size 36!), but the stupid credit card machine wasn't working and I barely had enough cash to pay for my rickshaw fare back home. I went home fuming, accusing the whole universe of conspiring against me.

And I've been weeping like a fool because I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind and I felt so sad because I missed my unswollen feet and I'm so much in love and I don't have anyone or anything I want erased from my mind ever. Ever ever.

And I feel threatened. That this 'force' - something beyond anyone's control is trying to erase everything I know. Trying to erase me.

But I'm still here, my memory is still intact. And as for ugly appendages...they're not the end of the world.

And to compensate for the gross feet picture above, here's another one. Nicer to look at with pretty green trees and because I really miss this day.

One of these days, I will do something like this for a living. Hang around trees all day. With unswollen feet.

Poor Balaam, poor donkey!

I was overcome with so much confusion and general befuddlement while I was reading the Bible the other night. The source of this deep perplexity are these lines from the book of Numbers -

And God came unto Balaam at night, and said unto him, If the men come to call thee, rise up, and go with them; but yet the word which I shall say unto thee, that shalt thou do. 21 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. 22 And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him.

Numbers 22:20 - 22

In verse 20, it clearly says that God told Balaam to "go with them." But then when he went with the men, God's "anger was kindled because he went."

And if you read the entire chapter, you'll see that poor Balaam was actually really careful about whether or not he should go with the men, repeatedly telling king Balak despite his offers of great honor et al "If Balak would give me his house full of silver and gold, I cannot go beyond the word of the LORD my God, to do less or more."

Why was God angry with Balaam??? Does anyone understand?

How little of the Bible I understand! How little of my life I understand! How little of everything I understand...

It's Valentine's day O white-livered ones

On account of it being Valentine's day today, I'm going to take time off off my busy schedule to share one of my favorite stories with you. The following is an excerpt from T.H Lewin's book, Wild Races of South-eastern India - that's us if you didn't get it. Anyone belonging to the wild Mizo race should enjoy this story and I hope it reminds us where we came from and what kind of men our forefathers were.

And now let us proceed with the story. This is what Lewin said:

A young man, a Riang Tipperah, who lives in my house, was formerly a slave of Rutton Poi’s (a Lhoosai chief) [Rothangpuia], and I have heard from him many accounts of raids made by his master. He used to accompany the Chief as the bearer of his weapons.

His first raid was in 1860, made on the Bengallee inhabitants of Kundal in Tipperah. They fell upon the villagers at day-dawn, according to custom; and the Bengallee men, with one consent, ran away. The women, however, stood their ground, and abused their grim assailants vociferously for breaking into honest people’s houses.

The Lhoosai laughed at their shrill tongues at first, but later it was found troublesome, and one young woman had to be cut down pour encourager les autres. The Chief confided to my boy’s care two women, captives. All the prisoners were fastened together by a cord through the lobe of the ears, and the Lhoosais set out with their plunder on the return journey.

Now, one of the captive women was young, and not accustomed to walking; so after the first day’s march her feet swelled, and she was unable to go further. The Chief therefore ordered that she should be speared. “Well,” said the narrator, “I took the spear and went towards her, and Rutton Poia said, ‘Do it neatly, I will look on,’ for it was the first time I had ever speared any one.

When the girl saw me take the spear and come towards her, she fell a-weeping, and caught my garments and my hands, and all my heart thumped, and I could not hurt her. It was pitiful!

So the Chief began to laugh at me, and said, ‘O white-livered, and son of a female dog, when we return to the village, I will tell the young maidens of your courage;’ so I shut my eyes and speared her. My stroke was ill-directed, and she did not die; so the Chief finished the work, and he made me lick the spear. The blood of Bengallees is very salty. Since then I have not been afraid to spear any one.”

Among the Lhoosai it is customary for a young warrior to eat a piece of the liver of the first man he kills; this, it is said, strengthens the heart and gives courage.

Wild Races of South-eastern India - T.H Lewin

*Sigh* Don't you just miss those good old days! The days we ate human liver and licked the blood of our enemies off our spears! :-)

Seriously though, Rothangpuia is my favorite Mizo chief. If we were still living in Rothangpuia's time, today instead of spewing Hallmark-y lines to a man and giving him gifts of little bottles of liquid to make him smell like the inside of a shopping mall, celebrating Valentine's day, I would be seeing my man off to battle, and instead of a mushy love poem, I would be telling him "May you be unhurt, and bring home many heads!" What's more romantic I'm not even sure anymore...

And oh, happy Valentine's day O white-livered sons & daughters of female dogs! :P

P.s. You can download or read the book online here, which I strongly recommend you do. The Englishman's patronizing tone can get a bit annoying, but the book makes for a very interesting read otherwise.

Just call me Masterchef

Sometimes my own greatness astounds me. There is nothing I can not do in this world. How does one deal with such overwhelming worthiness? I'm like a modern day Midas, everything I touch blooms and turns into gold, or into a delicious cake!

Baking is such an ego trip :-)

If I had known mixing some flour and eggs and other otherwise boring articles together and putting it in the oven could bring one so much pleasure I would've studied baking in college. It would've been more gratifying than cutting open dead frogs and rats.

This is my first ever attempt at baking. I was already consoling myself before I got started. "Baking is hard and it's your first time so don't take it too personally if your cake comes out looking like a lump of charcoal" I told myself.

But voila! It didn't look like charcoal, and it tasted really really really good! :) (If you're my Facebook friend, you're already sick of these pictures because I plaster my wall with them). Anyway, pretty good for a first timer don't you think? Especially since my cook book was really undecipherable (ounces, grams..ugh!) so most of it was pretty much based on hunch work.

Well what I really aimed for was a Victoria sponge cake. I didn't have whipped cream so it falls short of the ideal VSC image wise, but my friends did not complain.


It's times like these that I really wish that I have the family here. Cooking is only fun when there are people to eat and appreciate it. I can happily slave all day in the kitchen just to hear people tell me how good my roast chicken was, and how full their tummies are and hear them tell me days later that they still dream of my prawn curry. And here there's only so much I and the two weight-watching roomies can eat.

Well, if anyone feels like cake, call me! :-)

Say hello to the demons in my head

(Wrote this some nights back but forgot to publish so doing it now)

Despite dear Blackestred's suggestion to unite Minotaur and my dignified cow, I feel, as an artist, I must explore my artistic spirit and graze away from my bovine fixation. Therefore, in this project, we will do demons instead.

Being the descendant of overly superstitious ancestors whose mountains and forests abounded with spirits, it's inevitable for one to grow up without a fairly obsessive interest in the supernatural. Stories from those days of yore thrilled and excited me when I was a kid, and I have these images firmly embedded in my head of what each spirit would look like. Funny thing is, I find even after all these years those images stay the same as they were first pictured in my head. And these are drawings of some of the spirits the way I've always imagined them to be.

First on the list is the tau. Male spirits I think. In the night, much akin to typical behavior of the human male, the taus like to hang out with their buddies. Accompanied by a very strong animal scent, very like the human male gathering. But the similarity ends there.

The taus, instead of chugging beer, spend their nights carrying torches and doing aerial acrobatics in perfect synchronization. Of course, humans can see only the torches, as the carriers are not visible in the dark. It's supposed to be quite a show, and those of us who never got lucky enough to witness something so mysteriously beautiful should realise that our lives are that much less richer because of it. This is what they would look like with night vision -

The tau, who is quite a social animal in the night is a loner during the day. When the sun comes up, they like to loll around on the branches of trees growing out of steep and inaccessible cliffs and sun themselves all day. In my head, the tau sunning himself always looks benign as he sleeps contentedly on his branch.


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Next we have the pheichham. This is a female spirit, and it's main job is to grant people wishes. Of course, just like today's corporate world, it insists on the longest and troublesomest process to get her work done.

When a human sees it, the shy pheichham will bats its eyelashes and run away. The human has to be brave enough to not run away screaming at its horrendous appearance, should be fast enough to catch the hoppity-hopping spirit, and be strong enough to hold on tightly and not let go because it will try to shake you off like a bucking bronco.

The pheichham will then ask him, not unlike a job interview, 'What do you see for yourself a few moments from now?' Then the brave soul will say all the things he wishes for himself, but all in one breath. If he takes a breath in between, his wish is immediately null and void, and the pheichham will jump away cackling.

The books always describes the pheichham as an old woman, horrible to behold, scraggly hair, drooping, saggy breasts and has only one leg. For some reason, in my little girl's mind, I saw her as an entire leg with a head, like so -

Pic 1.


Even now that I'm all grown up and I know now that this (Pic 2) is what a pheichham should look like, I can only picture her as Pic 1 in my mind.

Pic 2.
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Third on the list are the khuavangs. They consist of both genders and like humans, marry, reproduce and even spoil their young. They live underground. They're generally quite harmless except in the Kungawrhi story. My old school books didn't really describe their appearance but in the Kungawrhi story, they had black faces. But again, because I sort of connect them to fireflies, this is how I picture them -

They appear out of the darkness as glowy, pale faces, with a sort of a humming sound. They look sad all the time - most likely because of the drabness of their living conditions.

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And last but not the least is the khawlhring. Now this is a bad spirit, up to nothing but mischief. The khawhring's main occupation is to covet the possessions of the humans it shares its habitat with, with a particular fondness for gongs. In order to get its sickly hands on these coveted items, it makes people sick and then makes its demands through the sick person - "I want so-and-so's gong," and if this so-and-so refuses to part with his gong and its demands are not met, the sick person would never recover and eventually die.

The khawhring is a drippy, sloshy spirit, oozing with the slime of centuries old sicknesses. And of course, that's only in the pages of the picture book in my head. No one's ever given a clear description of a khawhring, and I have a feeling no one's going to find out any time soon.

It mostly afflicts its victim with terrible stomachaches. So next time you're stricken with that nasty stomach pain, think twice before you blame your poor ulcer.

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Bonus item: On the bonus item we have the tualsumsu. Personally, I think no other spirit is capable of striking as much terror as this one, the thought of it fills me with intense fear, even though it isn't in the habit of harming anyone except the poor soul it possesses. But I believe the mere sight of it would surely be worse than taking a few bops to the head. So being harmless doesn't really do much for its reputation in my opinion.

Well the tualsumsu is not actually a spirit but a possessed female human being. This woman will live a normal life and go about her daily routine during the day, but when it's night and the dark settles in and evil awakens all the dark forces, the spirit will flip this poor person upside down and proceed to make her roam around the empty streets inverted. The afflicted person might complain of a dull pain on the head the next morning, but won't remember her upside down romp from the night before.

A friend once told me this story of how when she was a baby, her dad was posted in some remote village. According to the village people, there apparently was a tualsumsu in the village, and at night people were scared to venture out, locking themselves in their houses. My friend's mother, obviously more enlightened than the simple village folks called it balderdash and paid no attention to it.

But then one night, as she was sitting by a window nursing the baby with only a candle burning and everyone else had gone to bed, out of the stillness of the dark night, she heard a thumpity-thump-thump sound coming down the lonely road. 'What could it be?' she wondered, and looked out the window - and behold! on the street was a young woman on her head, legs up in the air, slowly hopping down the street.

Now doesn't the very thought of that fill your heart with dread?

The tualsumsu somehow seems related to the Chinese hopping spirit. I saw it in some Jackie Chan movie once, this hopping spirit. Arms outstretched, hopping around and all I could think of was the tualsumsu. Maybe they're related. Or like the male/female versions, a bit like the succubus and the incubus.

I just don't like this hopping business. Normally-walking spirits are bad enough, I don't see where the need to hop arises. It's just not a nice thing to do.

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You can see I'm totally jobless. I am trying really hard to stay in more and go out less, so unless I do something, anything to do with my time, the restlessness monster will catch up with me.

Motor Acid

Kan tet laiin vawikhat D.C Workshop motor hmanrua chhia etc an dahna ah motor acid an lo dah kan chhar a. A chhung a a phek kha kan la chhuak a, lawm em em in inah kan hawpui a. Choka atangin bowl leh fiante pakhat kan ru chhuak a. Chhuah pahin chi tam tawk kan tham ru bawk a.

Inchung lamah kan tlan chho a, tah chuan tuiah kan chiah a, chi kan telh bawk a. Kan chil thli te tla zawih zawih khawp in kan han chawh vel hnu ah, kan han in tan ta a. Fian te khat theuh vel kan hawp hman tihin ka U hi a lo kal thut mai a.

"Enge in tih? Kha enge kha kha?" a rawn ti ta. Fian te chu min rawn laksak ta thawt thawt mai a. Tuman engmah kan sawi duh lo a, kan ngawi thap a. Fian chuan an hawp chhin a, "Eee motor acid elaw, tha lo lutuk! Khawi ami nge in neih?" a tia. Bawlhhlawh paihna ami tih kan sawi a.

"Tenawm lutuk, tenawm lutuk, hetiang ei reng reng suh u" tih pahin chhuatah chuan a leih baw ta vek mai a. Concrete chhuat te chu a phuan suah suah mai a acid in an chiah chuan, chuti chung pawh chuan keini chuan ui em em in engmah sawi ngam si lovin kan en thap mai a.

Chutia a leihbuak zawh chu ti tha inti takin inhnuai ah min chhuk san leh mai a. Kan zing a pakhat chuan "I U Mama chu a sual kher mai!" a rawn ti a. Midang pawh chuan sual an tih zia an sawi sap sap a. Kei lah zak leh thiante laka inthlahrung em em in ka awm a. Acid bua ai chuan min leihbuak sak tu kha ka U ani kha pawi ka ti ber mai. Khami ni a ka U kan ngei em em zia kha.

Hemi tih loh hi chu motor acid ka la ei chhin awm pawh ka hre lo. Mahse ka thiante zing ah heh tak tak an tam. Mizo lo hi Motor acid liah ching hi khawvel ah an awm ve angem le?

Death and dying and all that crap

Just in case you've missed this story in the news - it's about this dog called Leao that survived the Brazil floods but his owner didn't and the dog just sits and sits by his owner's grave for days on end.

This story really broke my heart because it makes me think of Bozo (who in fact looks a bit like Leao) and how terribly sad I would be if were to die and I had to see him sit so sadly on my grave like this day after day. So I've decided it would be better if I die only after he dies, so he won't have to go through something like this.

If I'm going to be really selfish, I think I would like to die before anyone I love dies so I won't have to go through the pain of losing them. But when I think of people to whom my being gone would be painful, like my mom, I feel so bad for them I think I'd rather she die before I do so at least she can die with me by her side.

But the best thing would be to all die together. Yep. Easiest for everyone involved. Or just live forever and ever and ever. Nothing would beat that. But life is life, a death-stricken one at that and it sucks in a major, major way because no matter what, some people go first and some people are left behind to mourn them forever, to plants flowers on their graves or something like that. And it's just a generally sad story any way you look at it.

Why I'm not saving the world

I was alone in the house the other night reading in my room, enjoying the peace and quiet when I realised that I was sort of hungry. I got up to make some popcorn and as I was walking towards the door, a thought suddenly struck me - "How weird would it be if I opened the door and I find a Minotaur sitting in the living room."

And the image was immediately blown up from a giant projector in my head, as clear as day. He was sitting cross-legged.

As I walked into the kitchen, I continued to think about the Minotaur that was not there. "I wonder what I'd do. If he was sitting at the dining table, at least I could make a run for it and get out of the house. But if he's in the living room, I'd have no chance because then I'd have to run past him to get to the main door...

Hmm...I guess I'll just have to run back to my room and shut myself in there. But what if he butts the door in? And I won't even be able to escape through the windows because they're barred." I felt almost panicky.

But then another thought popped up as the Minotaur was just sitting there placidly. "Hey I wonder....should I try talking to it? But what will I say? Hello? Hi there!? Ahoy? Namaste? Konnichiha? And even if I somehow say any of these things, and it said hello back, what would I say next?"

And as the corn popped, I thought about whether I should offer him something. "Would you like something to drink? We have tomato juice, orange juice, soy milk, or I can make you tea or coffee."

Then I quickly thought about how it would not be smart to offer anything with milk in it to a Minotaur. I know I'd freak out if someone offered me a drink made with human bodily fluids. Tomato juice, I decide. Because I was somehow suddenly assailed with a clear, calm conviction that the Minotaur in my living room loves tomato juice.

It went on like this for a while before I realised in a moment of temporary sanity how truly moronic my thought process was and that I was putting a lot of precious brain cells to work to solve nonexistent problems with a nonexistent Minotaur.

Oh and check out these writings on a piece of paper I found while cleaning the other day. Something I'd scribbled on a plane traveling to where from where I don't even remember:

It's beautiful outside, giant cumulus clouds everywhere. So far I've seen -

1. Several rainbows

2. The giant flying dog from The Never Ending story, can't remember his name

3. A snowman on its back with a giant bellybutton

4. An ethereal looking Pterodactyl

5. A chicken headed turtle

I admit now that it may be a bit disturbing to be a fully grown adult and see these kind of things. Especially since I usually look for UFOs when I'm in a plane looking outside.

Anyway, you see now what I'm getting at? I realise now the reason I have not achieved greatness in my life is because my mind insists on dwelling on Minotaurs and flying dogs. And cinnamon. While we all know that everyone on the path to immortality or a Nobel Prize should be pondering over the true meaning of life, or discovering a cure for AIDS, or fight for the poor and downtrodden.

Or even better, build an asteroid annihilator because we all know an asteroid is going to hit earth some day and by building the asteroid annihilator I will save the entire human race. Maybe they might even replace Gandhi's statue in the town square with a statue of me in my home town.

I'm sure Mr.Bell wasn't thinking of Pterodactyl clouds when he invented the telephone. And the Wright brothers were most likely not thinking of flying dogs when they were building the first aircraft. And Newton most certainly did not look up at the branches of the apple tree to see if there were any magical, mischievous creatures that dropped the apple on him.

It's a bit sad, that I am not intended for greatness. But at least now you have one more thing to be thankful for because of me! You should be very glad that there's no Minotaur in your living room and that the chances of you being killed by a Minotaur is zero because if you suddenly walked into an unsuspecting Minotaur sitting on your couch and it attacked you and you're gored baaad and you're lying there with your guts hanging out oh how desperately you'll wish that there was no Minotaur in your living room! I'll bet you never thanked God for that :-)

As for me, I will henceforth try to walk the path of righteousness and wisdom and not be sidetracked by mythical creatures scattered along the way. I will achieve greatness yet.

I wonder if Minotaurs like cinnamon...

Templates and iPads and iPhones

I got me a new template with a slightly wider text box. Yay! That's a small 'yay' because it's not what I had in mind but it's better than nothing. I just picked the first template I saw, changed a few things here and there...and I know I said no frills et al but I saw this with the pretty flowers and had to have it. And they're pansies (one may be a nasturtium). And I love pansies. They take me to a nice warm sunny place. Somewhere like Nancy Sinatra's Sugar Town. I love that song but I've always wondered about the meaning. Is it about drugs?

One hitch - I can't change the blog archive link color. Anyone knows how to?

I was just going to write about the template but lemme share a quick screenshot. It's from an email thread about when/where to meet up for dinner the other day. This one friend 'S' wrote:


You see how that 'Sent from my iPad' is even more visible than the message itself? I know..aaarrgggh! right? 'Sent from my iPhone/Blackberry/iPad' messages makes you want to send the sender to outer space. Anyway, when another iPhone-less and iPad-less friend 'N' and I read the email, N decided enough was enough and sent back this reply:

Don't you just love 'N'?

By the way, what do you think of my cow drawing? It's a dignified cow with a green scarf :-)

Need a new template. Help?

Okay I need a little help. I'm looking for a new blog template and I've been looking and looking and I just can't seem to find the type I have pictured in my mind. I saw some wordpress themed ones that I like but I'm really fond of my raggedy blogspot site. If you have any suggestions, I'll be happy to hear them.

All I want is a big text box, where I can write a few sentences without it looking like the longest and windingest post in the world. I'm also particular about background color - must be white/light colored. And 'About me' column preferably on the left hand side of the page...Annndd no frills, no glittery butterflies, no shiny fairies, no colorful flowers. Just a plain, no-nonsense template - but not too severe or boring or plain :P

See such a simple template :-)

Or if any of the tech-savvier types out there is interested in making customized templates, I'm happy to pay for it.

Hello 2011

Hei hian kumthar post tan phawt ang...

Ka zin kawngah lungngaihna tawkin

Zan thim te lo lang thin mah se

Ka nun hruaitu Krista A ngai reng

Mei leh chhum dingin ka kawng min en thin

Ka tan ni leh thla eng lo mahse

Lalpa ka kumkhaw entu A ni

Hmuhsit elrelna lo thleng mah se

Lalpa ka ropuina a ni

Ka hringnun hian ropuina zawng leh

Chawimawina chan dawn mah ila

Hmuh theih ram tha ka thlang ngai lovang

Engkim a engkim Isua ka nei si

Khawvel ah hian thimna lo thlengin

Beidawnna chhumpui lo lang se

Hlimna hian min hnuchhawn mahsela

Ka enna Krista ka tan a tawk e

Counting my 2010 blessings

I'm leaving for Mizoram tomorrow with the family to spend some time with the rest of the family. Sort of excited about the new year, hoping for a lot of bad things to go away this new year. Also partly dreading it because I'm scared that the bad things will continue to stay or even get worse.

Anyway no matter what, I still think 2009's been a pretty good year. Things got crazy there towards the end of the year for sure, but even those brought so many good things with them undeniably. I'm not in the best of spirits now to be honest but I intend this post to be a strictly thanksgiving post so yeah let's see....

Okay, 2009 - the year of the great cancer attack. Gah! Not wanted. At all. But it's also been the year of the fabulous Japan trip! And don't forget the very important promotion...and soo many wonderful things that came throughout the year.

But mostly I'm so thankful for the people in my life. Like the friends and cousin whose bloods pump through my veins right now. Literally.

Or that wonderful lady who lit a candle for me in the beautiful St. Stephen's Cathedral in Vienna.

And special friends who knew enough to give you a Poe while everyone else is forcing self-help books down your throat.

And my grandma who cries on my the phone and makes me sad but softens my heart every time we talk on the phone.

And that friend who sent me Australian health supplements all the way from Melbourne. In fact, made his grandpa send it to me because he was not even in Australia to do it himself. Just because he hopes it will help me beat cancer.

And Zimi the Indian who sent me Zorba the greek so I would have something good to read while I was recuperating and bored in bed.

And my dad who sends the right messages at the right time and lift my spirits.

And my mom who is and has always been my ultimate pillar of strength.

And all the people who come to my blog and leave inspiring messages that gives me faith and hope.

And the rest of my family who keeps calling even when I don't want to talk :P

...and it's impossible to write down all the truly thoughtful things that people have done for me. I'm a bit sad that I can't think of too many nice things I've done for others. That will be one of my new year resolution.

Well I'm going to sleep now because I'm tired. And while I brush my teeth, let me upload a few pictures.

This one's from tonight, took the family out for a last Hyderabadi dinner for the year at Sahib Sindh Sultan.

Christmas day, St. George's Church
And my new favorite person and I at the park :) And yes, he makes me laugh. Like a perfect little gentleman.
This new favorite person also now accompanies me on all my evening walks. It's going to be lonely walking by myself when he's gone.

Have a wonderful new year everyone!

Behind the clouds

I didn't want to do a quick post but I guess I will have to anyway if I want to do any post at all :(

I feel like this blog is slowly turning into a cancer blog but there seems to be a lot of that in my world right now so here we go again...

Okay, first the good news that I was so excited about. Well it may not seem that great a deal to be honest but it means an awesome lot to me. I took my radioactive iodine therapy on the 16th of this month. Dreary isolation room for 32 hours and 5 days later, I had my final full body iodine scan on the 23rd, and the doctor finally declared me all good. Hooray!

I was really excited because it was so scary waiting for the result to come worrying about 'What ifs?' - What if the therapy doesn't work? What if they find that the cancerous cells had actually spread beyond the thyroid region, beyond the help of the radioactive iodine? Just the thought of entering the isolation chamber again dragged me down to depression hell, I dreaded it so much. That's why when the doc tells you all's good, your spirit leaps and stays on the air for quite a while because you can finally let go of so many of those 'what ifs' :)

And you know what this means - my thyroid ordeal is over. At least until the next check up scan 6 months later. And I am finally on my thyroid replacement meds which again may not sound like a whole lot but when you've been through days of extreme lethargy and general tiredness and you feel like a freaking zombie because your body is swollen like shit and nothing you do helps and it's a struggle to stay awake all day, it's the best thing in the world to know that finally, these medications are here and they are going to help you and you don't have to put up with that crap anymore :)

I still have some minor melanoma related tests and ultrasounds that I have to go through in the next few weeks, but whew! So much more easier to be dealing with one cancer than two. (Actually, make that dealing with two cancers instead of three..and that's another long story that will take up an entire post.)

Anyway, I'm very happy. It's like a huge chunk of weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I just want to announce to the world that I am rejoicing :D

And oh, I also feel compelled to mention that work sucks. More than it's ever sucked in 5 years. Of course, it's probably got to do with me being out of touch with everything what with me being out of office so much but still...

Anyway for this reason and the other two cancers that I'm still dealing with, it is very important to take what little reason one has to rejoice and blow it out of proportion and celebrate in grand style :) For example, we went out for a really nice dinner on account of my mom's surgical drain being removed yesterday haha

If you're reading this, you should go out wearing your best dress and shoes and celebrate something. Maybe the fact that you and your loved ones are healthy and alive should be a good enough reason to start with.

So tell me what's a little rain?

I have good news! I have good news! I'm so happy today :-) But I'm saving it for later because I'm at work and I don't want to do a quick post about this one. I want to tell a story, a real, proper story. And I will try and do that tonight but till then, I want to share with everyone the one song that has helped me through the darkest 3 months of my life and made it possible for me to cry tears of happiness despite the many tears of pain.

I hope with all my heart that at least one person can read/listen to this song and see and feel the things this song has shown me. It is one of the best blessings I've received in a long time. It's called 'Bring the Rain' by Mercy Me.

Bring the Rain

I can count a million times

People asking me how I can praise You

With all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly change

Who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings you glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain.

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

---

I realise the first few lines sound like it comes from someone with immense faith and strength - so not me! But I hope I'll redeem myself when I write about the details later on...

If I Can Dream...

It's such a beautiful day. Can I dream for a while?

Only a few months ago, I had so many travel plans, some big, some small but all of which I had to put on hold because life kept throwing the darndest, most unexpected surprises at me. A few canceled trips later and still more for the future, here I am itching like mad now to get out and go somewhere. I can't even look at my suitcases without a twinge of longing.

I miss the smell of airports. And the feel of airports...Hell I think I can even merrily skip through an hour long security check right now. Or even just jump into a train and go wherever that train is bound for (I wouldn't mind Mongolia:)). To be among a crowd of strangers, not knowing who I could meet, who I might run into, what kind of experience awaits me...

I want to sit on a beach where no one knows me and where I know no one and just be lost in the moment and not have to think about surgeons and dermatologists and oncologists and radiologists and calcium levels and interferon. And to sit in the sun and not worry about what the sun's rays will do to my skin cells.

I want to go hiking, climb up a mountain and stand on top and look at the world from there and cry because I'm so happy to be a part of all of these. Behold all of God's wonderful creations and sing at the top of my voice because it's so beautiful.

I want to jump into the ocean once again without worrying about whether I will sink or float. But if I'm going scuba diving again, sink successfully this time :) Or go skydiving again but with the man I love this time.

I want to spend a night in the forest camping out under the stars with my dog and a few good friends and a guitar. I want to have a little house with yellow curtains with a cobbled pathway with cosmos blooming on the sides. I want to have a pretty little garden and grow my own vegetables and adopt a few more dogs.

There are so many things I want to do! Someday soon...

But right now I can't even go out of town because I have to get admitted back to the hospital on Monday for my radioactive iodine therapy. But thankfully, till then, I have plenty to do. Another cousin coming over for the weekend. Yay! Cousin Biteii will be here and it'll be fun to show her around the city. And having mom and the others back here. They're all getting here tonight so I have to rush home and cook a nice dinner for 6 instead of the usual steamed French beans and a glass of protein drink for 1 :-)

And one of my most favorite people in the world is getting married this weekend. I look forward to wearing my best sarees (...one of which is a brand new Rohit Bal ladies! Woot! - which I could indulge in only because of a canceled Europe trip by the way), do my hair and wear pretty jewelry - even though I feel freaking weird and bloated because of my no-iodine diet. Bloated in a designer saree but who cares!

Drugs and dreams

I've been having the craziest dreams! Some scary, some just weirdass funny. Like this one I had last night. It started out as this normal enough dream I think. Or uneventful because I don't remember anything about how it started. Or it just started in the middle as dreams are wont to start. They like to start without beginnings, these sneaky dreams, and often just dissipate without proper endings. Or just end horribly. And once in a while delightfully, but that's rare.

Anyway in last night's dream, there I was walking alone in a dark street somewhere in Mizoram. Then suddenly two of my cousins came bearing down on me, asking me why I've gotten into drugs. And even though there were no drugs involved before they showed up, their question made me remember that I had bought drugs earlier on that night and immediately felt it in my jacket pocket. I threw it out while my cousins were not looking.

They threatened me in all sorts of ways that made me shake with fear and cry and shout telling them that I had never ever used drugs in my life. Never ever. And I didn't know why I had bought them that night. No one even seemed to hear anything I said.

It was a luminescent green liquid in a tiny plastic bottle by the way, the drug I'd bought. More like a fairy tale magic potion than anything else.

They kept asking me what it was that I had bought. I told them genuinely that I didn't know. Then all of a sudden these annoying cousins were gone and I was alone. I was putting my hands back in my jacket pocket and touched a piece of paper - the receipt from the drug dealer! Yes, this very nice drug dealer had written me a nice handwritten receipt :)

And I looked and guess what was written on it? There on the piece of paper was written very neatly and clearly the name of the drug I'd bought, which was...wait for it.....Whatchamacallit :-) And beautifully written too. I read it and I remember the word as well as I would have if I'd read it awake. And after 'Whatchamacallit,' the drug dealer had written within brackets - (otherwise known by it's chemical name '.....') and I can't remember that part. I just remember Whatchamacallit haha What part of my subconscious that came from I wonder!

It surely can't be the influence of books. All I've been reading in the past few days have been 'The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket' by Edgar Allan Poe, and 'whatchamacallit' is not something I think one will ever find in Mr. Poe's vocabulary.

The night before that, I was standing in a courtroom and it was me that was on trial. It was all very chaotic but it cleared up and quieted down all of a sudden. They had just announced the verdict, and I was guilty. And then someone asked the judge (who was a very, very big, stern looking black man by the way) what my punishment was going to be. He looked at me in disgust and in the most menacing and hatred-filled voice I've ever heard in dreams or in reality, spat out 'Death!'

I woke up with that word ringing in my ears and hated Mr. Foul-mood-judge because I don't get enough sleep as it is and he woke me up in the most impolite of ways and didn't even come back to apologise for it afterwards when I went back to sleep and slipped back into dreamworld :-)

(And don't try to see too much in my dreams and overanalyse them :-) You might say I'm condemning myself because of all my spiritual strife over my shortcomings, or you might say they're drug induced because a lot of people seem to think I'm still on heavy medication. Just calcium tablets people! Not strong enough to hallucinate on or kick start drug-induced stupors I would believe... :)

Dreams are fun to talk about the next day. The things your head conjures up when you set it free...isn't it just amazing? In fact I think I'm actually quite creative with my dreams even though I have nothing to do with them :P And who cares if the delightful endings are few and far between? Good movies don't always have to have happy endings. I've always liked movies that have me sobbing my heart out in the end.)

And the waters still keep rising...

Deep is the river that I have to cross

Heavy the weight on my shoulder

I have discovered how great is the cost

Of trying alone to cross over

I try and I try but the current's too strong

It's pulling me under and my strength is gone

Don't leave me stranded

Rescue me, my God and my King

The waters are rising and I cannot breathe

Wrap your arms all around me

Carry me over, rescue me

There is a bridge that is easy to cross

Where all of our burdens are lifted

And peace is the land that is waiting for us

Lord give me faith to believe it

Cause I'm in a storm but I'm willing to fight

I'll overcome and I will not die

With You by my side

I will sail over the oceans

And high over the mountains

And soar up to the heavens

Here is my hand and my heart and my soul and my mind

Things seem to go from bad to worse. And in all honesty right now I'm pretty broken but whatever evil forces are lurking around gleefully watching waiting for me to give up in myself and God, if it looked like I was about to this morning, well, not anymore. I hope you hear me scream 'I am in a storm but I'm willing to fight, I'll overcome and I will not die - with God by my side.'

Muthilh theih loh manah

Ka mut reng a chhuak thei lo tun zan chu. Khawvel a ka thil nin ber chu muhil si lova khum a mut hi. Chuvang chuan harh kur a khum a mut reng ai cancer ah bawk lut leh lawk teng!

Hetia cancer patient lo nih ve tak a thil pakhat ka notice - mi tinreng mai hian testimony ropui tak nei nghal thuai turah min ngai titih tlat mai hi :) Mahse cancer vei pawh ni ila, mihring ka la ni si a, thlemna lak a a ngai te a chak lo, duh leh it ngai te te, mi ngei ngai te te a ngei a, chak lohna ngai te te la nei vek ka ni si.Thil danglam awm chhun chu a hma a cancer vei lo misual kha tunah erawh chuan cancer vei misual ka lo ni ta a a ni deuh mai :-)

Min an treat dan ah erawh thung hi chuan Paula eng in a chhun thluk tawp ang mai hian an treat emaw chu ka ti deuh :) "Kha le Cancer!" an tia an rawn theh thruai a, eng a chhun thluk ang maiin min rawn vawm thlu a, tichuan vawi leh khat ah ropui tak a Lalpa tan a hna thawk nghal tur ang deuh ani in ka hria min beisei na chu. Midang cancer vei ho te pawh heti hian an lo beisei ve thin awm sia ka tia ka khawngaih ta rum rum mai.

Kei lah chu cancer leh thih hlauh vang ngawt a uchuak tak a Pathian han koh vel hi ka lai tlat mai anih chu! A dik kher lo ang mahse, ka cancer miah loh leh dam that var pawh a ka tih ngei loh tur chu thih hlauh vang mai a ti ka nih chuan Pathian pawhin A duh ka ring lo deuh tlat lehnghal nen...

Pathian ngaih thu bikah, kei hi chu misual, Lalpa lak ata hla tak tak vah bosan reng ching ka nih avang hian cancer hma daih tawh atangin nun khawro avangin zanah ka harh a ka Pathian hi ka ngai thin. Tunah ka cancer hnu ah pawh a dang chuang lo. Dawt sawi loh chuan cancer vang a ka ngaihzual em em tak ka hre lo. Misual Pathian hlat avang a Pathian ngai thin kha, tunah pawh misual cancer vei Pathian hlat avang a Pathian ngai thin ka ni leh mai.

Mahse cancer thu ah chuan he cancer hi purpose neiin Lalpa hian a rawn thlentir tih ka ring nghet thlap a. Chuvang chuan zawhna leh hriatthiam duh ka ngah lutuk. Khang a ka zanlai a Pathian ka hlatzia ka hriatchian thut a, Lalpa hma ah ka mangangin "Lalpa, ka hnaih theih na che anih dawn chuan ka nun ah pawh hreawmna emaw harsatna emaw pawh min pe mai rawh" ti a ka dil thin na kha a rawn chhanna a ni berin ka hria.

"Harsatna min rawn pe rawh" tiin ka dil apiang hian, ka sawi zawh rual rual hian ka hlauthawng leh ziah thin a, thil rapthlak lutuk hi A rawn thlentir mai ang tih hi ka hlau leh thin. "Lalpa harsatna min rawn pek chuan thil hreawm nasa lutuk chu theih hram chuan ni lo se, ka tawrh theih loh tur chu min pe suh" hi ka ti leh zung zung thin.

Cancer a rual a pahnih min rawn pe ta hi, khatia ka dil lai kha chuan hetiang a ni dawn tih hria ila hlau in ka khur ang. Mahse ka lo hre lawk lo hlauh a, Aman ka tawngtai chhang a min rawn pek si chuan ka tawrh theih tur A ti tihna ani mai a. Chuan ka tawrh theih na turin hlauh lohna te, ka fight na tur a ka mamawh tinreng A rawn chhawp ready nghal vek bawk a. Hemi thu ah hi chuan ka tawngtai chhan na famkim ani a, vuina pakhat mah ka nei rih lo. (Future chu ka sawi thei lo :))

Mahse chu sawi tawh angin, thlarau a khat tak vek emaw tih vel chu a hnai lo nasa. Mi re re hian Pathian in ka chung a thlentir nachhan te, Pathian in ti tur a min duh te, Pathian hnen a ka tawngtai dan tur, ka sawi tur leh dil tur te pawh an chiang em em vek a. Kei a cancer ber a hian a engmah hi chian ka nei si lo.

A chang chuan mihring bula ka rilru a questions te, ka hlauhthawn leh ka rinhlelh te sawi ka ning thin. Cancer vei miah lo leh la tuar ngai miah lo in cancer thu ah min han sermon khum hrep mai chuan an thusawi te hi eng ang pawhin dik se, a dik tih pawh hria ila, min hmangaih vang ani tih hriat pawhin, kei misual rilru ah chuan a tla na har leh tlat thin.

Vawiin zan ka muhil thei lo pawh khumah ka inngaihtuah a, Pathian ka ngai a, ka hlau bawk a, ka mamawh bawk a, ka ning bawk a, a kual nuaih nuaih a. Han titi thawven ka chak a, mahse zan rei tawh nen titi pui tur an awm loh bakah tunge titi pui ka duh ka hre lo a. Pastor fel deuh awm se, zawhna ka va han ngah tak ka tih rilruk laiin, Isuan "Engatinge midang I zawn I zawn? Kei titi pui tur ka awm reng a" a rawn ti a.

Ka rilru a ka vei zual te chu ka hrilh a ka thaw chu a veng deuh. Tawngtai chuan "Aw Lalpa.." kan ti dek dek a, sawi tur hi ka hre lo ka buai vek thin. Mahse vawiin zan chu ka tawngtai lova kan titi a ka sawi ve teuh mai ka tawngtaina a ka sawi ngai loh thlengin thlengin.

Mahsee ka Lalpa lah hi A tawng zawi thin si, A tawng tlem thin bawk si, thawm dang ri min tibuaitu a tam si ka duh ang hian A aw ka hrechiang thei thin lo. Hriatthiam theihna te hi school a lehkha kan zir ang khan lehkhabu min rawn pe se, note te min ziah sak a kan lo by heart a kan hrethiam ta mai thin ang kha nise, lehkha ka zir nasa viau ang te ka tia. "Lalpa enge ti tur a min duh?" tih hi ka zawhna lian ber ani. School ang te nise teacher te khan a answer ready in min han pe leh ang a, kan han by heart leh mai tur!

Mahse chupawh chu Isuan min hau leh deuh titih in ka hria, "Engkim hi hriatthiam nghal vek tum tut tut suh" a tiin ka hria. "Anih ka buai lo ang a, mahse nitin ka rawn zawt ziah ang che" ka ti a. Mahse chupawh chu kei michak lo lutuk hi ka inring zo leh lo a, "Ka rawn zawh theihnghilh che chuan min lo remind thin rawh" ka ti leh hram :)

Pathian lakah chhe te tal pawh chhuan tur ka va han nei lo tak! Chu question pakhat nitin zawt tur pawh a inrinna nei zo lo khawp a mi nghet lo ka ni. Ka inkhawngaih letling tawh :) Mahse hei pawh hi ka lawmna tizual tu a nih na a awm - heti khawp a chhuan tur nei miahh si lo hi malsawmna hian he ka nun hi A va han vur nasa si tak! A mak ee chhuan tur nei miah si lo heti zozai lawmthu sawi na tur thil min pe phal si hi...

Aaa a tam lutuk ka rilru a thil awm hi ka tlaivar hma in mu daih ang dar 4 a ri tawh. Tihian zan rei ah hi chuan engkim a reh a, a dam duai a. Mahse zing a lo ni ang a thlemna chitin rengin min rawn tibuai leh ang a, ka va han peih lo tak!

Do you make a good Malaysian?

Okay! Small break off work so I can quickly tell you about this funny story before it slips through my lazy mind.

It happened a few days back when me and my cousins Marian and Rosy were trying to get to this salon in Jubilee Hills to get Marian's hair done (Hakim's Alim - this one stylist who was there was a total dickhead by the way. I hope he reads this. Sweet receptionist though).

Anyway there was a rickshaw shortage in the city that day due to the drivers sulking about being forced to use the meter I think. So we waited and waited and waited and were on the verge of giving up when finally an old man in a gleaming chariot came riding up and halted and asked us where we wanted to go. (It was actually a rickety rick but at that stage even a rusty bicycle would've been, for us, akin to a knightly steed.)

"Jubilee Hills" we said, to which he readily agreed to go. And when we asked him how much (which is the norm because as you may have already guessed, the drivers only quote their own prices and don't use the meter so one always has to bargain first), to which he again happily replied "Free, madam!"

I asked him again because I thought I heard him wrong, but he stressed again that he would take us wherever we wanted to go free of charge. And while we were pondering over the strangeness of this kind gesture, he said "I have just one request, I'll take you to this shop where you quickly browse around for a couple of minutes. All you have to do is tell them you're from Malaysia when they ask you where you're from."

"But we're from Hyderabad" we said. Still continuing to smile peacefully he told us that was okay, we just have to lie and tell them we're from Malaysia. It seemed like a harmless enough request, and we were desperate and a free rickshaw ride!? How many times do you get that offer in a lifetime? So we said okay and off we went.

Along the way he explained that there was some South-east Asian convention in the city and certain stores expect a lot of South-east Asian tourists/shoppers and he gets some monetary compensation for every foreign shopper he brings to their shops. I knew the kind of shops he would take us to and I warned him that even though we will look, we most definitely will not be buying anything. He okayed it all.

We found ourselves in front of a fancy, high-end handicrafts shop in some posh corner of town. The three of us trooped in confidently and were welcomed with open arms. By and by, the inevitable question came - "Where are you from madam?" And horror of horrors! I discovered I could not say 'Malaysia'! I opened my mouth but nothing came out. No sound of 'Malaysia' escaped my parched lips.

The nice gentleman looked at me opening and closing my mouth but when no answer came forth, he probably thought I was just imitating a fish out of water (which I sort of was) because Malaysians do it all the time and he frequently gets Asian customers who walk into his shop and out of pure excitement start imitating a fish I guess.

Undeterred he cleared his throat and asked again. And again the mouth opened, but no sound issued forth. It was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, and I was so close to panic I even for a second contemplated acting deaf and mute.

Now I'm not pretending to be an angel or anything. I can lie. I can twist the truth around and even sound very convincing at it. I'm in advertising after all :D But the thing is, there has to be an essence of truth in it. Give me a piece of truth to use as a core and I can wrap pretty lies around it. But unless I have that base to work on, I'm useless. I just can't do it.

Thankfully Marian came to the rescue and smoothly told him that we were from Malaysia. They aahed and told us how delighted they were to have us and raved about how much they like our country. We smiled politely and putting on the airs of moneyed tourists started browsing through their wares.

"Are you here for the convention?" they asked. This one was easy. Before anyone could answer, I shouted "NO." Maybe a little too enthusiastically but I think they were happy to see that I was not, after all, mute. (See I can be good when I have that basis of truth :))

They fawned over us, took out their best silk and cashmere and amethysts and silver and spread them out before us. Like we were royalty. Bliss! I started to enjoy myself and tried on their cashmere wraps and crystal jewelries while trying to find some excuse for not wanting to buy anything I tried on (other than not being able to afford it - which was the truth).

Lost in the loveliness of the things they threw at us, and the smell of expensive, exotic perfumes wafting in the air made us forget about our promised 2 minute browsing time. We draped the cashmere shawls around our shoulders, tried on the many bejeweled earrings...Marian got so into our roles that when she tried on an expensive silk scarf at the request of the owner, she tied it around her head like a typical Malaysian headscarf instead of around her neck which is the only way she's ever worn scarves in her entire life.

30 minutes later we reluctantly decided to leave. I had despite all good intentions also picked out a georgette saree that I could afford, and as I about to pay my bill, I heard one of the salesmen exclaim "Welcome sir! Come in come in." I glanced at the door, and I saw a group of Asian men making their way in through the door. Catching me, an Asian woman, staring, they beamed with gladness. At running into a sister in such a far-off and foreign land I suppose. They all turned and smiled at me.

I knew immediately without a doubt that they were Malaysian. Female intuition, sixth sense, divine intervention, whatever it was, I knew it was a bunch of Malaysian men smiling at me that very moment. And I panicked. I managed the quickest smile that ever passed through human lips and looked away immediately. My pulse quickened, my heart was beating against my chest, and my hands trembled as I handed the salesman my credit card. I tried to smile, told him that I just noticed the time and that I was running late for an appointment and could he please hurry up.

"Of course madam" he chirped happily. But his movements were slow and deliberate, I knew he wanted those men to come to us and start a conversation. They wanted their store to be full of happy Malaysians excitedly chattering away in Malaysian! Malaysian men meeting their countrywomen in a foreign land, convincing each other to use their Malaysian Rupiahs to buy tiny silver elephants and ridiculously expensive chairs imported from Dubai and other such nonsense.

Me and Rosy became by some magic perfect candidates for extra roles in the Night of the Living Dead. I could tell Rosy was even more terrified than I was. Marian was hanging around somewhere in the back oblivious of the danger we were in.

Then the dreaded nightmare happened. A voice, belonging to one of the wretched salesmen who I would have loved to smite down in great earnest if I had been a smaller God. But because I'm not one and only Gods can smite and I can only...kick (Karate lessons :)) no smiting happened.

Anyway, back to story. The voice rang out through the store - "Ooh what a coincidence! Madams here also from Malaysia!" And before I knew it, they'd sauntered over..I couldn't breathe. I stood there, staring at the wall, stone-faced, being the meanest person in the world because these men were sweet and all smiley-ey and beaming at us. And worse, all the salesmen the store had, about 5 of them, stood around us, beaming radiantly at this joyful union as well.

How do I explain the thoughts that went through my head at this point. It went something like this - "That's it, if they come any closer, I'm just going to come clean. I'll say 'Stop we're not Malaysian so don't come any closer and I'm really sorry but we were lying because the rickshaw guy asked us to and it seemed pretty harmless at first and we really needed to get somewhere and we were desperate but we're sorry and we'll never do it again because we suck at this and it's not a nice thing to do and I'll buy more of your nice things if you'll forgive us!!"

Then I heard it. "As Salam Alay Kum!" (Arabic for 'Peace be unto you') said a male voice. Me and Rosy steadily trembled (Hah! An oxymoron there?). Then a female voice, loud and clear, answered "Alay Kum Salaam!" Shocked I stole a furtive glance and saw the female voice belonged to Marian. What's more, it looked like she had just straightened from a little bowing of the body! She bowed while saying "Alay Kum Salaam"! I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Rosy and I looked at each other, too scared to laugh but too bemused by the perfect Arabic greeting to cry.

In any case, I thought that's it, we're caught, there's no way she can go beyond that. But surprisingly they switched to English. I heard them ask if we were in Hyderabad for the convention and other relatively safe questions. I thought things looked better and we may yet make a dignified exit.

Then I heard one of the men ask "Which part of Malaysia are you from?" The question even though not directed at me made me shiver to my bones, for everything I knew about Malaysia flew away like a bird the moment I heard it.

Slight pause. Then I heard Marian say bravely "Pedang."

"Pedang??"

I told the guy to hurry with my saree.

"Yes Pedang"

"Weird, I've never heard of it."

One guy was trying to wrap my saree in some flowered paper, I grabbed it "No need to wrap!" He wouldn't let go. "DON'T wrap it!" I literally screamed.

Malaysian guy to Malaysian guy: "Do you know where Pedang is?"

Second guy to first: "Nope never heard of it."

Guy stuffs my saree in brown paper bag.

Marian (sounding indignant): "Of course there's Pedang. Our grandparents live there. We live here in Hyderabad with our parents but our grandparents live in Pedang which IS in Malaysia!"

Guy slowly takes out a shopping bag and equally slowly drops my sari in. Rosy and I wrangled the shopping bag from the lazy guy and dashed out the door, grabbing Marian along the way. It was rather rude I admit, as we didn't even give Marian a chance to bid farewell to her newfound Malaysian friends.

But something told me her farewell wouldn't be as smooth as her greeting because she doesn't know how to say 'Later' or 'See you' or even a simple 'Bye!' in Malaysian.

Once we reached the safety of the rick, we laughed till our stomachs hurt. Then Marian got angry at us. She was embarrassed because she made a fool of herself. She wanted to know why we didn't tell them that we were from Thailand or the Philippines even. She screamed that she will never ever go out with us again and that we were not worthy of being called cousins. Then we laughed some more and headed towards the salon.

Then it turned out that the salon only had that one asshole Arabic-scarf-wearing stylist so we bought some clothes at a nearby store and went home.

(Also what is it about these scarves that all wannabe hairdresser/stylist types think they should have one around some part of their snooty bodies at all times?! And snooty for what reason I haven't been able to fathom.)

Anyway, my advice to anyone who is not Malaysian who gets an offer to act Malaysian for a free rickshaw ride, say no. Its just not worth putting your heart through that kind of stress.

Battle scarred but alive and kicking :)

Okay, first ever thyroidless post of my life. Another milestone. Not one that I thought I'd ever cross but here we are, and everything seems to be intact. My surgeon was afraid of two things - that my voice might change. For life. Or that I might have to breathe through a breathing tube for a few days but the operation went smoothly and I still sound the same and I'm still breathing through my nose :)

My doctors have been amazing, and the nurses were sweet and helpful. Check out my pre-surgery hairstyle one of the helpers sweetly did for me. Pretty fashionable huh? :)

It's been 11 days after my thyroid surgery and about 50 days since my leg surgery. When you just listen to all of this, this test and that and this surgery and that surgery and this treatment and that, it sounds like a lot to go through within a couple of months, and you'd think I'd be battered and bruised and sucked dry of energy by now. But in all honesty, I feel and look the same, except for this new huge scar across my neck. I feel as healthy as I did before all of this started and I thought I was the healthiest human being on earth.

I also really want to talk about how once you go through it, despite how scary everything may sound, none of it involves pain that is worse than....than stubbing your toe. So it's really not that bad at all :-) Just in case there's someone out there facing something similar and you're scared.

There are so many procedures that can sound downright terrifying but when you go through it they're okay and the few bad ones are the fairly common ones that you wouldn't even think twice about normally. In fact, let me list out my most unliked parts ranging from their levels of pain/unpleasantness involved:

1. Surgery; Thyroidectomy - no pain (on account of me being out like a light maybe but in the end, what matters is that you feel no pain).

2. Nausea from the anesthesia - bad bad bad especially when your throat had been cut open the previous day and you feel doing something like retching might pop open your raw wound and your leftover thyroid area tissue might come spilling out :P

3. Countless needle pricks - very little physical pain but mentally unpleasant.

4. Night in the ICU - highly uncomfortable but no pain, and the discomfort only mainly from being unable to move freely because you're hooked up to so many machines. And remaining still is not one of my fortes. And don't forget being thirsty to death but not being allowed to drink. It made me remember the rich man from the Lazarus story in the Bible (the beggar, not the one that Jesus raised from the dead) and like him I wanted to call out 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus with a little water so I can cool my tongue.' But alas, even the freedom of speech was taken from me that one night.

5. Neck harmonium :P - well I just call this the harmonium. After the surgery, there was this pipe coming out of my neck (gak!!!) and into this contraption that looks like a harmonium. And I had the tube coming out of my neck for the next 3 days after surgery. But this was still not the worst because there's nothing more shiver-inducing than...

6. Peeing in a bed pan while lying prone in bed! - how do I explain the horror of all that this act involves! Luckily for me, it was only that one night in the ICU that I was forced to do this but I have to say, because I peed in a bed pan that night, I am forever scarred. But remember this if you ever have to do this - if you can pee in a bed pan without getting up from bed, you can do anything!

I'm awaiting my next line of treatment which is the radioactive iodine therapy. I don't know how bad that's going to be, but I know it's not nasty like chemotherapy so I thank my lucky stars for that. I'll just be really radioactive for a few days and I've gone through a somewhat similar experience before so I believe the worst is really over.

It's also really bad looking at your thyroid floating around in some liquid. I would've posted a picture but I think it would be appropriate to show some respect to my thyroid and leave it alone. But maybe I can use this one - my last picture ever with a thyroid :) Before I was being wheeled into the operation theatre.

But more than anything, this is mainly to thank everyone who called, messaged, emailed, visited, gave me flowers and wished me well in the past couple of weeks. I can't explain in words how truly grateful I am. You've all taught me one very valuable lesson - I will treat every single sick person I know with so much compassion than I've ever been able to show before because I know now how even the smallest show of concern can mean so much to someone lying in a hospital bed.

And to everyone, it is not easy to really comprehend how terribly you need your your family and friends when everything in your life is going great. But you WILL need them at some point in your life, and they are soo precious and important keep them close and love and cherish them.

Oh and make sure you have insurance :-) Even when you think you're young and healthy. You don't know what may happen.