Why I'm not saving the world

I was alone in the house the other night reading in my room, enjoying the peace and quiet when I realised that I was sort of hungry. I got up to make some popcorn and as I was walking towards the door, a thought suddenly struck me - "How weird would it be if I opened the door and I find a Minotaur sitting in the living room."

And the image was immediately blown up from a giant projector in my head, as clear as day. He was sitting cross-legged.

As I walked into the kitchen, I continued to think about the Minotaur that was not there. "I wonder what I'd do. If he was sitting at the dining table, at least I could make a run for it and get out of the house. But if he's in the living room, I'd have no chance because then I'd have to run past him to get to the main door...

Hmm...I guess I'll just have to run back to my room and shut myself in there. But what if he butts the door in? And I won't even be able to escape through the windows because they're barred." I felt almost panicky.

But then another thought popped up as the Minotaur was just sitting there placidly. "Hey I wonder....should I try talking to it? But what will I say? Hello? Hi there!? Ahoy? Namaste? Konnichiha? And even if I somehow say any of these things, and it said hello back, what would I say next?"

And as the corn popped, I thought about whether I should offer him something. "Would you like something to drink? We have tomato juice, orange juice, soy milk, or I can make you tea or coffee."

Then I quickly thought about how it would not be smart to offer anything with milk in it to a Minotaur. I know I'd freak out if someone offered me a drink made with human bodily fluids. Tomato juice, I decide. Because I was somehow suddenly assailed with a clear, calm conviction that the Minotaur in my living room loves tomato juice.

It went on like this for a while before I realised in a moment of temporary sanity how truly moronic my thought process was and that I was putting a lot of precious brain cells to work to solve nonexistent problems with a nonexistent Minotaur.

Oh and check out these writings on a piece of paper I found while cleaning the other day. Something I'd scribbled on a plane traveling to where from where I don't even remember:

It's beautiful outside, giant cumulus clouds everywhere. So far I've seen -

1. Several rainbows

2. The giant flying dog from The Never Ending story, can't remember his name

3. A snowman on its back with a giant bellybutton

4. An ethereal looking Pterodactyl

5. A chicken headed turtle

I admit now that it may be a bit disturbing to be a fully grown adult and see these kind of things. Especially since I usually look for UFOs when I'm in a plane looking outside.

Anyway, you see now what I'm getting at? I realise now the reason I have not achieved greatness in my life is because my mind insists on dwelling on Minotaurs and flying dogs. And cinnamon. While we all know that everyone on the path to immortality or a Nobel Prize should be pondering over the true meaning of life, or discovering a cure for AIDS, or fight for the poor and downtrodden.

Or even better, build an asteroid annihilator because we all know an asteroid is going to hit earth some day and by building the asteroid annihilator I will save the entire human race. Maybe they might even replace Gandhi's statue in the town square with a statue of me in my home town.

I'm sure Mr.Bell wasn't thinking of Pterodactyl clouds when he invented the telephone. And the Wright brothers were most likely not thinking of flying dogs when they were building the first aircraft. And Newton most certainly did not look up at the branches of the apple tree to see if there were any magical, mischievous creatures that dropped the apple on him.

It's a bit sad, that I am not intended for greatness. But at least now you have one more thing to be thankful for because of me! You should be very glad that there's no Minotaur in your living room and that the chances of you being killed by a Minotaur is zero because if you suddenly walked into an unsuspecting Minotaur sitting on your couch and it attacked you and you're gored baaad and you're lying there with your guts hanging out oh how desperately you'll wish that there was no Minotaur in your living room! I'll bet you never thanked God for that :-)

As for me, I will henceforth try to walk the path of righteousness and wisdom and not be sidetracked by mythical creatures scattered along the way. I will achieve greatness yet.

I wonder if Minotaurs like cinnamon...