Avian Invasion

The last week was a week of extreme emotions and mental stress and strain, but there was only one happening of note.

I got a big cooler on my balcony, which means the corner behind the cooler remains relatively untouched. I decided to clean it one day and look what I found!

Pigeon eggs! And on the floor too.

They're cute and all that but the mother and I don't get along very well. I respect her space and I expect her to do the same but nothing of the sort. It starts cooing from daybreak, and I'm a light sleeper. And I thought pregnant humans were the worst, but you should see this pigeon. She's jumpy. Plus she thinks she owns my balcony. And it's not like it's a big balcony, but still, I thought there's ample space for the two of us to cohabitate peacefully.

However, she's already given me several minor heart attacks. When I say she's jumpy, I mean she's easily startled and she also startles people. For example, it's morning, the sun's coming up, and I wake up feeling great and I want to step outside and breathe in that early morning cool, fresh air. I open my door and inadvertently startles her. And she jumps! Out at me with a loud flutter and flapping of wings and feather all over my face! Or I've had a relaxing night staying home reading, nice and warm and happy in my bed. I get up to close my window and again - sudden loud flapping jumping at you from the dark. Believe me, it's not a pleasant experience particularly when you've just finished reading 'The Classic Collection of Victorian Ghost Stories.'

But the last straw was when she decided to 'cross over'. I'd gotten home late, and I was just out of the shower - feeling all fresh and daisy-like. It was around 1:30 AM, and I was not sleepy so I decided to sit out on the balcony and write a bit. I opened the door and again, she apparated out of the dark with her usual clamor and after making me jump out of my skin, proceeded to invade my territory by blithely flying into my room.

Talk about 'avian flew'!

I, naturally, chased it. It flew around, perched on my my desk, my chair, even jumped on to my bed and dawdled around on my clean linen. I was afraid it would get hurt so I turned off the ceiling fan (I know, I know. I'm such a saint :P) Thinking back, I wonder why I bothered because I don't think I would have minded very much if it had died. The fat bird headed towards the window and hung on to my flimsy curtains with its sharp claws. That made me involuntarily scream "Don't!"

After 2 AM and I still had the pigeon in my room. I was sweating and messy. The bird shat mid-flight several times - out of fright, I suppose. I had cleaned up bird poo off my floor several times already. And the bird was now hiding under my bed, and I was tired, and distressed, and felt like a failure. ''What kind of a woman am I that I can't even catch a pigeon?! I'm hopeless". Too late to wake watchman up. However, Amrita, my roomie, woke up in the commotion and came in to help.

She said 'pigeons can't see in the dark, so maybe if we turn off all the lights, it would fly out on its own' (??? Go figure). It didn't make sense but I was willing to try anything. So we turned off all the lights and waited. It didn't budge. Not a peep.

Seeing it was not helping, she again suggested we turn on the lights in the dining and living room, and leave it dark in my room, and leave the door to the living room open, so that light from the other rooms would flood into my room and kind of like 'wash or flood out' the intruder. So we ran about switching on dining room and living room lights. And waited. Still no peep.

I resorted to having light in my room. Clapping a bit. Stamping on the floor. That roused rogue pigeon yet again. It came out from its corner under the bed and panicked and flew around and fell and then flew again like a beast possessed. At last, it landed on my dressing table. Creams and lotions went flying and clattering and crashing to the floor. I was so tired by then I just stood and screamed "Stop, stop, not there!"

(I felt stupid about that part later but at the time it made perfect sense to tell a pigeon to stop doing something.)

I will also admit that I was not completely 'unscared.' It would perch somewhere where I couldn't reach it and look at me. And I swear I could see 'emotions' - human-like emotions reflecting in those beady eyes. It kept on giving me long, meaningful, reproachful glances. Making me feel like a female Judas. I didn't know pigeons were capable of such meaningful looks. I also saw it was frightened. Its chests were heaving. But damn, I was scared too. Her chests were not the only ones heaving for pete's sake. Why was I feeling guilty?!

And then, in the midst of all these glances and warring with eyes, it headed towards the dressing table yet again, thrashing around and knocking things over and down to the floor again. Then in the midst of the havoc, I saw my new Elizabeth Arden perfume fall to the floor. As if in a trance. I LOVE that perfume, and it's expensive! That was it. Enough was enough.

I marched out, re-entered with a broom and an old jacket and started chasing it with renewed vigour. It ran for dear life (note: Ran. Not flew. Guess it was too tired to fly). Scampered. Scurried. But it was not so adept at running like it was at flying. It ran straight into a corner. Cornered, it turned back to face me meekly. I felt so powerful at that moment. It was meek and mild and it had surrendered. To me. And I loomed over it with my weapons - old jacket and broom in hand. Yes, I loomed. Like a true victor.

(Even though I was the vanquisher and not the vanquishee, I had to take a shower again and change my sheets before I could retire peacefully to bed - not terribly becoming things to do for a surviving warrior. I am not sure but I believe pigeons could easily be bearers of a whole sort of deadly fleas and diseases.)

I mercilessly threw the jacket over it like a net, preventing it from creating any further chaos. I picked it up and discarded it outside, hastily locking the door after it. I made it a point to leave it on the kitchen balcony, hinting to it that I did not want it to return to my side of the house.

I saw it hovering near the eggs the next day. I checked several times last night, but the eggs were alone. Besides being dumb, it's also a bad mother.

Now I'm stuck with two pigeon eggs. I'm thinking of putting them up for auction, maybe even adoption on the net. eBay maybe. If anyone's interested, let me know. Price on request.

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