29 January 2009

I hate beauty mags and gossip columnists!

For everyone who RSS'ed me - I pulled out the temporarily-published post which was supposed to represent my all-important monthly Mizo post. I wrote that half-asleep and it needs to be polished.

In the meantime, can I just talk about how much I hate beauty magazines once again? I know I've mentioned this a sickening amount of times, but I went and stumbled into one again. And I need to let it out. Not so much about how they make you feel ugly, but how they think they should tell you what is in and what is not and what I should and should not wear. They talk like they're this superior, all-knowing race of humans who, in heartless pity and contemptuous humour, have decided to grace us with their fake, glossy, papery selves and dictate to us what rules our drab little lives have to live by.

I hate the way they try to make it sound like their tastes represents the world's. Where's all that talk about beauty in diversity!

It may be a tad funny when they tell you what kind of gifts you should give your boyfriends, but it becomes teeth-gnashing annoying when they tell you what "chic" gifts you should get from men - AND - what you should not get! It's not cool for a woman above a certain age to get teddies and chocolates, they say. The gall! I'll like whatever I want, and I'll dislike whatever I want. If I get fluffy, baby blue teddies with pink ribbon bows from a man I really like at 45, I'll still like them if I like them.

And the season's in things -"This month's color is pink - so girls, what are you waiting for? Swathe yourselves in pink even if pink looks horrible on you and go make big fools of yourselves!" Or, "Black is no longer in so stash away your LBDs" - they'll say. "Kiss your man like this, touch him like this, play with your jewelry like this, glance at him like that this season....."

I mean, who wrote all this? I'd imagine by perfect women who earn top money doing basically nothing, whose boyfriends never cheat on them, and they get expensive lingerie as gifts and it always fits them beautifully, they are unaffected by all earthly womanly defects - like cellulite, and stretch marks, and dark circles, and they also possess the power to set their men aflame with passion with just one kiss. Always! All that besides the superior intelligence.

That has to be it. You can come and tell me these women don't look like goddesses like they sound like, or that they get itchy nipples, or that their boyfriends cheat on them, I wouldn't believe you.

You're probably thinking 'Why is she reading them if she hates them so much?' But in my defense, I'd like to state that I stay away from them when I can, which is almost all the time. But one gets stuck in rooms full of ONLY glamour mags for hours sometimes. Very little that can be done at such times.

It's a good thing most people don't take them too seriously. Maybe everyone's smarter than they think, or just can't afford to live the cool, high-flying (also unreal, fake, empty) life they try to promote. It's still a world of beautiful variety and colorful individuals with colorful tastes. Imagine what it would be like if we were to all take them seriously. We'd walk out into a world where every woman wears the same perfume, same color lipsticks, clothes, and accessories. Likes the same things, same hobby, also kiss the same way, flirt the same way, make love the same way even. Exactly what the month's edition tells them is cool. B-o-r-i-n-g.

Or are they just not serious? They're kidding. None of this is supposed to be taken seriously, is that it? If so, I apologise for being stupid and thinking they are for real.

As for the gossip columnists, all I can say is that I really don't hate them. I'd never want to marry one, but I like them much better then fashion mags - is all I have to say about them.

22 January 2009

Bachelorette Party - Update

Our bachelorette party was funnn! (Yes, even despite it being stripper-less.) While we're all glad for our Drunken Buddy, it's kind of sad in a way. I remember Valentine's day last year, about 3 of us in the picture, all in a heartbroken mess, went out for a very expensive self-indulgent dinner to soothe our wounds, passionately declared how much we hate men over several bottles of wine, ordered shitloads of food and ended up eating nothing. And then went on and on about how much we hate Valentine's Day. And it's not just on the personal front, these are also people I've always leaned on very heavily at work as well.

Our boyfriends hurt us, we run to each other. Fights with mom, brothers, sister and you're feeling lost, you run to them. Granted, our soothing solutions and pain-killers are not always the most conservative :-) but hey, they work. Even when you're hurting the most, it's amazing how much comfort you can get from just having your girlfriends around, and their support along with their presence.

And this is why I think marriage is a meddlesome thing. I think it creates more gaps than it does bringing people together haha

And the anonymous volunteer from Mumbai (ahem! Are you a copywriter by the way?) - it's too bad that I only got to see your offer a day after the party :(

And, the bride to be is the one in the red dress :)

21 January 2009

Everyone's talking about Obama

Busy, busy days at work. I have no time for absolutely nothing, no quickie breaks for YouTube time, or blogging time. I fear my neck and my wrists will atrophize soon if I continue like this.

But in the midst of all this, with this Obamania going on, I feel compelled to write something about this. And then...I realise I don't have much to say about anything politics-related.

What I can say for sure is that I don't like Obama because I don't like the way his jaws and his lips are set, it makes him look very arrogant. And he's just too smooth, and that coupled with the unfortunate fact that he's a guy AND a politician makes him very, very undeserving of trust. Very non-political reasons as you can see.

The one thing I like about him though is that he collects Spiderman and Conan comics. Very reassuring to know that if I were to meet the President of the United States, we wouldn't wholly be without a common point of interest to have some intellectual discussion about. I know Conan like I know the back of my hand.

And did you all watch the inauguration last night? Acceptance speech - I don't get what everyone's ooh-ing ahhh-ing about. But I sure liked the way Michelle looked at her husband the entire time he was taking the oath. But I thought it was weird how she kept her eyes open and darted her eyes around during the opening and closing prayers.

But what I liked best was Reverend Rick Warren's opening prayer. It touched me so intensely that I broke out in goosebumps. And I think that in the inauguration program, the first item was a Reverend praying to God committing their leader and the country to God was just.so.beautiful. Even though I found it a little funny to see the many thousands of American people who one generally takes to be a godless lot :P - staying hushed and respectful during the prayers.

"When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget you, forgive us.
When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone, forgive us."

Just beautiful.

Now if there ever comes a day that something like this happens in India, my faith in the country and our leaders will be restored.

And I also want to report that everything good in the world is happening to me and I don't know why God is so good to me but He is and I'm happy and thankful. But scared too, that when things are just too good, they might just crash? But I really wouldn't mind being stuck in this particular period of my life forever. I think.. :)

15 January 2009

Male stripper wanted - update

It's already Thursday, and we've all but given up. It's sad. But when the only strippers you find online are pictureless and have names like 'Pulkapupu,' you know you don't really want to watch that person undress.

One friend graciously offered up her boyfriend who she claimed was really good at stripping, but the boyfriend refused to do it in front of more than 3 women. We begged and pleaded but it was no use.

Everybody's a little desperate now because we really wanted this. Jelly on realising today is already Thursday and that we still don't have a stripper panicked a little and urged me to sacrifice Kal-El who in her own words is a 'hottie' and everybody would love to see him strip. And I never thought I'd be so glad that he's out of town :) Not all girls are all that giving when it comes to their men.

Anyway, we still have a few hours left, and who knows, Lady Luck might decide to smile on us at the last minute. But chances are, this is not going to be the crazy party we planned it to be. I hate India for things like these - why should it be so difficult to find a good looking strappy young stripper!? I believe in other places, it's as easy as running to the store and picking out a good head of cabbage.

But this is it. The end in our search for our naked dancer. Such is life. *Sigh*

09 January 2009

I need a male stripper

Yes that's true, and I'm totally serious. I've been searching online, but it seems Hyderabad has a serious deficiency in its male stripper population. For I can find none. All my searches - "male strippers Hyderabad," "male model strippers," "Indian male strippers" - have been fruitless so far. Is there a better way of searching for a male stripper/escort other than by typing those words in in Google?

A member of the Drunken Buddies is getting married, and the girls are getting together and planning the most outrageous, funnest, craziest hen night for her. A super special one. Well, that is by Indian standards. By any other, anything we come up will most likely be considered mild and everyday-ish.

We're not going to plan a night of drunken debauchery, but it still has to have a super wildness factor. So keeping all that in mind, what we have in mind - a day of getting together at one person's place, doing each other's makeup, and go out making sure everyone is overdressed for the night. Good bonding experience, making memories to miss when we're all old and grey.

Then for the really fun part, we'll need - music, Champagne, and a male model. Looks like a pretty simple list, music - check, Champagne - check, male model, male model, male model - now this is where we're stuck.

Are there special ways to look for them? Do we just walk out and look for a guy that looks like he'd be willing to strip for a bunch of girls for some money? Do we approach a guy who looks like a pimp? Are there special sites, sites that don't pop up when you search the normal way? I've never been able to understand how men just know who to approach when they want to have paid sex.

And even if you find one, how much do you pay these men anyway? Since this involves just dancing and not even sex, I'm expecting this to be cheaper than hiring a prostitute. And where do they do the stripping? Do you take them home? If so, I'm sure nobody's going to volunteer their place. I know I'm not going to have a male stripper strip in my living room, or worse, bedroom!

One site that has advice about hiring a male stripper says "Figure that if your city has more than 200,000 residents, there is probably a company near you." Now if I were to consider that, in this city of around 7 million residents, there should be several near me. The only problem is how in the world do you find them??

I'd be more comfortable to have someone I know do this job for us. Can we bribe someone we know? You know, I can actually think of a copyrighter in Mumbai who'd do this with gusto, he may even be willing to pay us instead if we ask him to. And I can think of others in other places. But that's the thing, I can think of no one in Hyderabad. Anyone else interested in applying? It'd be fun, it'll be for a bunch of cute, single girls :P

(Let me confer with the girls as to what the requirements should be. )

Okay, here it is. What we need from you for you to be able to apply:

1. Ability to take off clothes.
2. Ability to dance to 'Get Down Tonight' by KC & the Sunshine Band.

See? Easy isn't it :-)

Special consideration will be given to:

1. Anyone who can rip off one's clothes a la Hugh Jackman-Van Helsing style.
2. Anyone bearing any sort of resemblance to Hugh Jackman.
3. Anyone with a realistic Hugh Jackman silicon mask. NOTE: 'Realistic' - if you turn up with a paper mask, you will be made to feel like wearing your paper mask for eternity.
4. Hugh Jackman.

Last date of application: 2oth Jan '09.

Update: Due to certain members traveling out of town later, we're moving the party closer. So the last date of application is now anytime before next Friday - 16th Jan.

*** Married men and Cricket players may not apply***


Funny things

It's the new year, and it's starting out great (except for the slight air tickets hitch). Lovely things have been happening and I have so many things I want to write about I can't do it in just an hour. I think for the first time, I want to ponder and write and review a post for days before actually publishing it.

Funny things have also been happening, and seen. One is this guy's comment on some site about bloggers that goes "Most bloggers are hideously fat and ugly with low self esteem. They use their blogs to lash out at others in a desperate attempt to fill the superfluous void of emptyness that exists within their own miserable lives." It made me laugh, there seems to be a certain whiff of truth in it - in a scraggly way. In my case, while the rest of it may be true, the miserable live part is untrue. I have a fantastic life, just that people with miserable lives or just no lives at all say mean things and make me miserable but that's only always temporary so not a big deal.

The other funny thing is kind of rude. But it's still funny so I'm going to write it here anyway. I was reading a news article about a big Indian company whose CEO admitted to laundering money recently, or some such bad thing :P and whose CFO attempted suicide but didn't succeed. One reader had commented - "He was unsuccessful in keeping the company alive and equally unsuccessful in taking his life" which was quite funny enough. But funnier was Macavity's response when I pasted this piece of news and comment to her, she solemnly said "How cruel these press people!" :)

04 January 2009


I am possibly the maddest person in the world right now. I landed in Kolkata yesterday to find that all flights to Hyderabad were all booked out, not just for the day but for Sunday and Monday as well! I got a very overpriced ticket for Tuesday, headed to a hotel recommended by a friend, undressed and have just been generally scowling ever since. And with due respect to all Bongs, Kolkata is really not of the places I'm very fond of. I don't think there's anything lovely about it for me to love it.

And why is everyone so amazed that I picked a hotel and not Mizoram house? Why should it be strange that I don't want to be stuck there for 3 days and night? I didn't go to Mizoram house because of the very simple reason that Mizoram house is a shitty dump and I hate it. I can stay there for a night maybe, but 3 days? No frigging way. It's got stained, dirty mattresses, and equally unhygienic looking sheets. And common people like me invariably only end up with some dank corner of the dorm. And last time I was there, we slept on mattresses on the floor. With strangers sprawled all around you breathing down your neck. So I hate it, and I think my hatred is reasonable and justified.

Too mad right now. Will continue later. I have all the time in the world. And I'm going to go find a funner way to kill some of it now.

(And just for the record, I sat next to a huge Sardar army man on my last flight - just to reiterate the fact that when it comes to airplanes, my luck is zilch).

And I feel like laughing now because it's almost funny. I'm sharing a hotel room with a huge double bed with a guy I never knew before. When we got to the hotel, there was only one double room left, and I was too tired to look elsewhere. So here I am, a nice enough hotel room, massive double bed, and a guy I met around 3 PM yesterday haha. But he is a Mizo, and that makes everything okay. Or does it? In any case, I don't give a damn anymore. He sleeps on his side of the bed and I on mine. And all you my gasping friends, you should try it too. I can tell my granchildren some day that grandma liked living wild and that I once spent 3 nights sharing a hotel room and a even a bed with a stranger. While all of you will never have such an interesting story to tell your grandkids and they will forever think you were an old person even when you were young.

Stranger and I are going to see a romantic movie now. hahaha this is sooo funny. The funniness is seeping into the very core of me, and I want to throw my head back and laugh out loud. But you only do that kind of thing with friends. Sigh.

Wish me luck. Or pray that tomorrow just magically becomes the shortest day in the history of the earth.